Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
After I was done playing pool, I met up with my friend Ryan and his little sister to eat some Mexican food at this place called Casa Grande. It was real good, and real free for me. Then Me, Ryan, and our friend Zach went to this like art show for Haiti.
The guy was really passionate about the whole Haiti situation. And he had good reason to be, he has family over there and it was a good reminder. The evening ended at my friend Ryan's house. Ryan, Zach, and I hung out, watched T.V. and had some good conversation. All is well.
God is good.
Friends are good.
Life is good.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Today was a heck of a day. It started off with me waking up and realizing I had a very strange dream about Janice. I keep having these dreams. . . kind of makes it difficult to stop thinking about her if I can't even escape her when I sleep. But, check this out (I remember it so specifically, because I wrote it down as soon as I was up and moving). The dream I had last night I had was about Janice. I remember being in a pretty deep sleep and I remember talking on the phone with Janice. We were talking for quite a long time and I remember she was in her Aunt's BMW with Amilaino in the back seat. It was weird because I specifically remember talking to her on the phone, but I also remember seeing her and her cousin in the car. Anyways, the next thing I remember was I asked where she was going and she told me she was going to go get a Big Mac at McDonalds. That was when the conversation turned sour. When I look back on the dream, it is sort of silly now, but in the midst of it I was really mad. Goodness, this feeling of her in my mind has got to dissipate soon. . . . right? I mean, when am I going to miss her less?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
But, please. Remember Haiti, and pray. Pray for the people to have comfort brought to them. Pray for the rescue workers, and that money is distributed properly. Pray for these people, and their horrible situation.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I took Austin to IPFW (My University) and took him to several different locations to play different pianos. And, we eventually found a place to just sit and talk. I figured we should probably just make a video. . . .
It is good to be back with my Young Life guys.
After I dropped Austin off, I went over to see Nicky. It was really good to see both of them. And, well it helps me to keep my mind off of Janice. It is so difficult,and well I have to submit a lot of my thoughts to God in prayer. A LOT OF PRAYER!! It is so difficult trying to get her out of my mind and thoughts. But, for a while anyways, this is going to be how it will be. God will bring me out of it though, and with more experience and wisdom than I had before. (SIGH) I love my Daddy (Abba Father)!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I have been thinking about Janice a lot today. Everything reminds me of her. I still stand strong in my decision, knowing it was the best for the both of us. Just because it is difficult and hurts, does not mean it was the wrong decision. It does however, make it one of the hardest break ups i've been through. I can't be angry or frustrated with her. The relationship ended on such a high note. Possibly a little choppy, but nothing overwhelming. Evenings are the hardest. I am so use to connecting with her at night time. Whether it was by SKYPE, texting, or a phone call. I always had her with me ringing in the evening. Now I am just alone. I have my prayers, but my prayers do not tell me they love me and make me smile. I'm not saying God doesn't make me smile, he does, shoot every time I see a beautiful sun set I get a big ole grin on my face. But, it's just not the same as someone you care so dearly for telling you that they love you. . . I just have to keep reminding myself why I made this decision, and then I am brought back to a place where I realize it is for the best. :-(
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
In case you haven't picked up on my verbal cue's yet. I am referring to myself, and some situations I am currently living through. No, it has nothing to do with health care. It has everything to do with. . . . Knowing where you stand, which side of the fence you are on. I am talking about knowing deep within your heart what you want, even though doubt constantly plagues you.It is about knowing that you don't have to be in control, and realizing that surrender is so much more beautiful than pride and keeping things stuffed deep within even though you have stuffed them deep within yourself all your life, because that is what feels normal, and is extremely easy to revert back to.
It has everything to do with understanding that the struggles you face, and the fears that plague you are not unique, in fact to some degree everyone experiences them. And that even though that doesn't really help, it is about accepting the fact that. . . you are not alone in life. That the realization that God is there, and that he loves you so much is enough. And even if it means coming to that realization every single frickin (I wanted to put F******, but didn't) day, well that life is a million times better than going at it by yourself. Nothing is lasting, nothing is loving, everything is fake away from that notion. I am hard pressed to even call that a life. It is more of a death; trying to live on your own. What I am talking about has everything to do with saying SCREW YOU, to the above statement. There is no "realist" when it pertains to God. God doesn't work under our petty human jurisdiction. He rises above it each and every time we allow him to. And lastly, what I am talking about has everything to do with coming to the acceptance that love is the final word. Love is the strongest equation. That even though it looks and appears difficult, messy, and quite frightening, there is no better "stuff" available. That's it. And I feel pretty good about that. :o)
Confused? I'm sorry, because I am not, and I get it, and will continue to get it even though life throws curve balls and takes me out of my comfort zone all the time. That is where I want to live, that is the life I want to walk through. Because ultimately it allows me to experience the most amazing and powerful peace and satisfaction this pathetic, disgusting, vile, sinful, existence allows me to live. Glory be to God in the highest. I want nothing and for him to have everything.
Friday, January 15, 2010
I am just questioning if I should stay on Young Life student staff, which is really minimal payment. Really, really minimal payment. And confused as to what God is telling me. I don't have peace in my heart, and Satan is really using all these sort of confused thoughts to mess with my head. I am not doubting God in anyway. I do however feel I just don't know what to do with all this. I feel I need to get a "real job" and start providing. But, ministry is a real job, and there lies the confusion. I just don't know. I wish I did.
Doubt, a little bit of fear, confusion, but a heart that desires to work and give my all to Christ. That is where i'm at. God will use that.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Some days later we went to an amusement park called Notts Berry Farm. It was fun because we went with a bunch of Janices friends. Many were my friends too!! I love her people in a big way. The next day, or some days later Janice and I, along with another couple Vicky & her b/f Daniel went to this really rich neighborhood that does massive amounts of lit up houses. SO MANY HOUSES!! It was so much fun, and truly beautiful. They sold treats on the street in front of the houses, and there were so many people! Next stop was Disney Land!! We had an amazing breakfast at the place Janice use to work at. The food was SOOO GOOD!! That girl knows how to eat too, I tell you what! ;o) The cool thing about this picture is that a complete stranger walked by us and stopped to say, "Ohhh, you two look so happy!!" It made us both smile and feel good. This was while we waited in line for the Haunted Mansion. Janice is toe most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. This was the first day I got to see the Pacific ocean in person. It was truly amazing, to see, smell, and almost taste the ocean. It was a really beautiful thing. To feel the breeze, I felt like I belonged there. I really did. I would love to live by the ocean, is that wrong?
What an amazing trip I had. But I am home now, getting back into the groove of a new semester. Ready to kick some butt and work really hard at doing the best I can do. Living a life for Christ and acting on the Holy Spirit, not my own.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
really difficult. I'm gonna do it though, mostly because I have no choice. ;~)
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Yeah, I know there is a really awkward hair flip that I did right at the start, but hey the hair is getting long so it just happens! ;-)
Janice didn't really want to be in the first video, so this one was made. Seriously, I got to do so much in Mexico. The best part was spending time with Janice. I love this girl. It is going to suck to go home in 5 days. . . .
Now I have massive amounts of pictures, but I don't even have the slightest idea how to sort through them all right now. If I had my computer and my software, it would be different. But on Janices computer and with her stuff, it is very difficult. Anyways, this will be good for now.