Wednesday, December 27, 2006

i forgot to blog yesterday.....weird.

This is an old picture of me as a young child. I think it really shows the upper body strength i was blessed with so early on in life. A lot of children my age didn't even have the chance to experience large ground to air missle launchers.

To be perfectly truthful, this is not a picture of me, and I have never even had a chance to hold a missle launcher. Actually the only reason i put a picture in the blog, is because my friend Jacob Kim, told me he only reads my blog when i have pictures. LOL. Jacob lives in korea, and is going to join the army. I can tell he doesn't really want to do it, but i really respect him for making that decision.

I am meeting with Bill G., tomorrow. I think it will go really well, i am not sure what we are going to talk about exactly, but i think it will go well. I have to admit, i am even a little bit excited. Who knows what will come of it.


I LEAVE FOR VEGAS ON SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas



coolness. i am writing this blog from my bed. yup this is the first blog post via phon. pretty cool. well, i had an awesome Christmas. I enjoyed my family and they enjoye me.....at least i thik they did. ;+)

there was good food,los of candy, good presents, and all the makings of a good time. Christmas was a blessing this year. i am super tired, so i will leave it @ that.

Here is a kodak moment of ma & pa a couple hours after present opening.




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Sunday, December 24, 2006

If You Don't Care, Go Away!!!

Okay, right now I need to spill my guts. I need to express exactly what is on my mind and heart, because I cannot resolve anything with anyone. My mom is staying super upset; my sister is at her house taking a shower, away from us for the immediate future. My dad is working on a Christmas present. Ok, I will fill you in on what happened this morning, listen very closely or else you will be tragically confused. This morning started off so well, Everyone was in high spirits, and the mood was good. I went to church with my parent's and we enjoyed the Christmas Eve service. IT WAS GOOD Then not to horribly long after I got home from church, merideth called me, and told me everything was going good, and she would be at our house at 3:00, ready to head out to Aunt Jackie's. It dropped down such a friggin steep hill after that phone call. It got super close to 3, and my sister was asking my mom if she could drive separately. IT STARTS!!!!!! Okay, at this point, me, my mom, and my dad feel like merideth is pulling one of her regular "stunts." In reality, she was helping out a good friend, and neighbor get to her family in Michigan. BUT, merideth's past tells us that she is bull shitting, and making excuses for not wanting to be with us. That is how me, my mom, and dad saw it anyways. This made me most of all very angry. Very, Very,Very angry. I took it personally, the way I saw it, was like I try so hard to get mer to be a closer part of the family, and she is being selfish. That was my first huge mistake. So, mer gets to our house at 4:06 and we leave. Ohhhhh man do I have a huge chip on my shoulder. Ya see, I couldn't have seen the truth in the situation if it bit me in the ass. All I saw was "man, merideth is screwing over MY family again!!!!" So what do i do? I plan how I am going to attack her. What should I have done? shown her unconditional love.

So, this is what I did. As soon as the van left the house, I immediately started in on her. The first thing I said was, wow mer, I was hoping you were not going to show up, so we could leave without you. Right away both my mom and dad tell me to drop it, and let it go. Actually, they were begging me to let it go. BUT NO WAY!!! I WILL TEACH HER A LESSON!!!!!!!!! I start making one personal slam after another. Hurtful things, then I get LOUD!! I am screaming at merideth as if I had authority over her. Finally it gets so bad, my dad slams on the breaks, and we screech to a stop. My dad jumps out of the van, and attempts to open my sliding door. By this time, I was out of control. I felt like my dad was gonna lay some woop azz on me, IN REALITY he wanted to talk to me in the back of the van, talk some sense into me. So, we have a little emotional spill session, speaking very loudly, and expressing close personal feelings so mer could definitely hear us. Finally he talked enough sense into me to walk to the back of the van. He put his hands on my shoulders and prayed that I could take a pride hit. He looked me in the eyes, and told me I needed to drop it, and that I needed to suck up my pride and DROP IT. I was sobbing at this point, very emotional. Very hurt by Merideth. So, the rest of the car ride went like this. He made merideth sit in front, and me and my mom sat in the back. The more we drove, the more I saw the situation for the truth. The truth was I felt hurt because I couldn't make merideth change. The truth was I was not trusting God, I was relying on myself to make the situation all better. By the time we got to My Aunt Jackie’s house, I told merideth that I was wrong, and that I wanted us both to be able to enjoy Christmas at Aunt Jackies house. This was the first and smallest step I took. So, slowly we enjoyed the evening. Mar and I Kept our distance, but slowly we came around.


Ok, that was the ride to Christmas Eve. Now we are on the ride home. So, I made small stupid talk about the Verizon bill........that was nothing big, just me being a little bit of an ass. Then my mom asked a very interesting question. She asked me, mer, and my dad. "What is your favorite memory of Christmas Past?" Nice question mom. Seriously, I liked it. So, I was the first one to give my answer. I said, I remember when we lived in our old, old, old house when you would make me and merideth wait on the steps until everything was perfect. All the candles had to be lit, the fireplace had to be glowing, and the candles had to smell good. The Christmas cookies had to be out for the taking. Everything had to look, smell, and feel like Christmas. I said, I always loved that feeling. And when it was time to go, it was like being at the dog races. Bam, the gates were lifted, and me and mer ran to our hord of goodies. That was my favorite memory. Then I turned the mood from happy, to sad. I said, well, my worst memory was when we had to get rid of our family pet, Jackson. A beautiful Pure Bred Golden Retriever. Ohh how we all loved that animal. Especially me, and after 6 years, we got rid of him, because the owner of the rental house didn't want us to make her carpet nasty. Then I told my dad, that I was so angry with him, because I felt like if I was daddy, I would have made it so we could have kept Jackson, and that I felt like he really let me down.


Ok, understanding the atmosphere in the van now? Everyone is being analyzed. Then my mom says, Yea, I have a lot of regrets. Then the subject of High School got brought up. I said, "well I made the best of it, and had great friends, but hated Leo." Then my sister pours a little bit of her hurting heart, and says, well I really felt betrayed by my supposed Church Friends. She told how at Church, which was one of the main reasons we moved. She said that the friends she felt she belonged with at church, really spat in her face at school. She felt like they were hypocrites, and it really hurt her and I really believe it did. Then it gets a little messy. One of the first things my mom said was, well, don't you think a part of that could have been your fault merideth?


Ok, Ok, Ok. See any problem with that????? I DO<>
I really do. It is sad, but it didn’t really get better after that. My mom and sister both played the blame game. Feeling sorry for them selves, and it was just pride, and stupidness. Very frustrating, and ughhhhh, it gets old. LoL. But, ya know what? God says love them. And each time something like this happens, if I can walk away from it still loving each one. And love myself. I think I am doing alright. And ya know what? I love my mom, Sister merideth, and dad a whole lot. It would take something so huge to take that away. Like, my mom would have to drill screws through my eyes, and castrate me. My dad would probably have to shave my head and brand me with a cattle iron. And my sister would probably have to run me over with her car repeatedly. I mean like over, and over, and over again.
I love them, and I always will. They are my family, and Ain’t no one going to take that away, and besides, It’s all good. An important man in my life once said, Love God, Love People, Don’t mess with the rest. I like that.


The good news is, i got to spend some time with some very important woman in my life tonight. The cutie to the left is Tiana, the cutie to the right is Emily. Tonight, both of these little ladies were singing Christmas Carrols, and acting for the video camera on my phone. It is so so so so so friggin cute, i wish i could put the videos on here, but i am having some techinal difficulties to say the least. Good night, and merry Christmas.


Nothing even remotely fun happened today. It was your typical sit around watch movies with friends kind of Saturday. Which is alright, but really boring.
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Friday, December 22, 2006

Happy Feet

Okay, good news, and bad news. Which one shall i dish out first? I believe i will give the good news first. I just got back from watching the movie Happy Feet. I watched it with my sister merideth, and her friend Britni Costello. Here are some clips.
I can explain this whole movie in a nutshell. Ok, there are a bunch of penguins. They eat fish....then the fish start to dissappear. It is humans fishing like crazy. Then a penguin who doesn't like to sing, and prefers to dance instead. Not even dance, more like tap dancing. He follows a fishing boat all the way from antartica. They catch him, put him in a zoo. This is where it gets crazy. a little girl see's him tap dance, and shows the world. Then they put a tracking thing on him, and follow him back to all the other penguins. Well, then he teaches all of the other penguins how to dance. HORRAY!!!!!!!! Then they stop fishing around antartica. amazing huh?

It was alright, i mean it had a good metaphoric meaning to it. Which is don't make fun of someone, just cuz they are a little different. It's true, i would have rather watched big explosions, and guns though.




Ok, i did tell you there was BAD NEWS.



I got a letter from my insuranced today. It was really long and informative. But when it all comes down to what they were saying, I have been denied for the 2nd time. And they really don't want to cover the stem cell transplant But. We are going to appeal it again. God is just testing my trust, and i still trust him 100%. I am it it to win it. So, i will just have to wait a little bit longer than what i wanted. That is O.K.
I took this with my phone, then i sent it to my
computer via, Infered beam thingy. NO WIRES!!
Isn't that neat?
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Thursday, December 21, 2006

wa wa wa wa wa whats up man?

If i ever become a secret spy, i would have to ask my BMW. This thing looks amazing. I am sper tired right now, i am definately going to sleep really good tonight. I gots to go get me some zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

M/S UPDATE

As far as i know, the insurance company is still "pending" on wheather or not they are going to pay for the stem call treatment. I'm not worried, just getting inpatient. But it could just be a really good lesson on patience. Life doesn't revolve around my time schedule.



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NEWSWEEK ARTICLE

Stem Cells Are Where It's At
Despite setbacks and controversy, promising research is underway...

By Mary Carmichael
Newsweek
Dec. 11, 2006 issue
Seventeen years ago, Richard Burt, an immunologist at Northwestern University, had a crazy idea. What if he could press the "restart" button on his patients, destroying their faulty immune systems and building them new ones? The regeneration process would be hard, but he'd heard about something called stem-cell research that might help. It took eight years to get FDA approval. "When we did that first patient," he says, "you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife."
Today Dr. Burt has treated 170 patients with stem cells, and increasingly, others are following his lead. There are now more than 1,000 stem-cell therapies in early human trials around the world. The vast majority use cells from patients' own bone marrow, but doctors are also using cells from healthy adults, and last month saw the first patient treated with embryonic cells, which have triggered much debate in the United States. After years of being thought of as science fiction—the domain of animal labs and the distant future—stem-cell therapies are becoming a scientific fact.
Dr. Burt alone has now treated patients with lupus, rheumatoid arthritis and a host of other immune disorders. He's just written up the results of a stem-cell trial for type 1 diabetes. Three years after treatment, some patients now have normal blood sugar and don't take insulin. Burt also plans trials for two diseases in which "nothing else really seems to work": Lou Gehrig's disease and a rare type of autism involving the immune system. He will treat his first autism patient in January.
Next year may also bring hope for patients with cancer and heart disease. The FDA has fast-tracked a stem-cell therapy for leukemia patients; it could reach the market in late 2007. And an approach that has helped many congestive heart failure patients abroad is also making inroads in America. Amit Patel, at the University of Pittsburgh, has injected 10 patients' own stem cells into their hearts in the United States and consulted on 2,000 similar operations worldwide. The stem cells ease the burden on the heart, largely by forming new blood vessels. They don't, however, create new heart muscle. To make that happen, scientists may need to use embryonic stem cells.
Some already have. Doctors with private funding have quietly been experimenting with cells grown from fetal material. Geron, a California biotech company, has used the technique to prevent heart failure in mice; it will petition the FDA for a human trial next year. Before that, the company hopes to start the first major American trial of embryo-derived stem cells as a treatment for spinal-cord injuries. By the time that trial starts, docs will also have results from the only use of embryonic stem cells in humans thus far. In November, doctors in Oregon injected them into a child with a rare, fatal neurodegenerative disorder called Batten disease. That's only one patient—but if those stem cells cure the disease and multiply, their uses are sure to as well.
Wow, what a great article to read. I sat in an examining room with Dr. Burt. He looked me right in my eyes and told me I was a prime candidate for this treatment. Ever sence that day God has been opening doors in my life leading me to this operation/treatment. I just think that the idea of me being a part of something that could help millions of people with life threatening Autoimmune Diseases is pretty cool. I get excited when I think about it.

-Mikey
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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

wed-nes-day

Today i woke up at 6ish. I woke up with a wicked hunger. So, i went downstairs and ate a big bowl of cheerios & Banana. I ate it, set out all my pills & supplements, then went back to bed. I was planning on sleeping till like 7:45, take a quick shower, then have my co-worker pick me up for a day of work. Well, i accidently slept through my alarm, and woke up at 8:15. SO, i jumped out of bed, ran and gobbled up the med's and threw on my work clothes. I then ran to the garage to wait for my ride. I thought he would be there at 8:30...............see all those periods? That is kind of a Metaphor for the time I had to wait in the cold, cold, lonely garage. Well it go to be about a quarter to 9, I decided to give Jason(ride) a call. He sounded like he just woke up, and told me he talked to mark(boss) and that we wouldn’t be going in today. Thanks Jason. So, I had already taken my medicine, and was wide awake. So, I went upstairs, and messed with my phone till late in the afternoon. It was pretty loserish, but I enjoyed myself. Some time passed, I spent 20 bucks on 4 Christmas cards. I am starting to get a little worried also about my funds. Heh, lol, hehe(awkward worried laugh) well, not to worried, I know cash will come up some way, it usually does. Vegas will be here so so so so so soon, I am starting to get pretty ancy. Definitely ready to chill with my guys in Viva Los Vegas!!!!!!
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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Super Tuesday

Okay, very good tuesday. I worked this morning, it was good, i had a nice break, now i need to make some fast cash for VEGAS!!!! ~'whoop whoop'~ For shizzle!~!~~ it is going to be so much fun and i am getting really excited. Ummm today i went to the first Small Group set up by Tiffany from the new church i have been attending. I really enjoyed the first day.

Above is a picture of Tiffany Gerig, don't quote me on that spelling either. She seems really great. Very giving, very warm. She is well spoken, but includes everyone into the conversation. I felt very comfortable in a room full of strangers. well almost strangers.
The blondie in the long sleeve blue is kristin, she is 23 i think, and just started her student teaching. She is going to be a middle school math teacher. She seems very smart, and fairly confident. I got the vibe right away that she was "sporty," turns out i was right. The girl in the white long sleeve shirt is Kara, she is 24 or 25 and very polite. She seems very down to earth, i believe she will be another great group assett. Behind Kara back in the corner kind of hidden, is Tieana. Now i probably am completely off on the spelling of her name, but I did my best. She is probably the one i will be able to relate the most to. Right away we seemed to be on the same page. But, no judging here, just simple assumptions. The male all the way in the back is Chad. I am glad Chad is in our group. Chad is 32, and i am really glad he is a part of the small group, because even though he is not too much older, he is old enough to have experience in a lot of areas of life we have not yet experienced. But he isn't a parental figuer, because we know we don't listen to them....;)

There was one female who couldn't make it tonight, she is going to try to make it next Tuesday.

I had to include a picture of "yours truly." Look at me! such a stud. ;) Ohhh, and below is a poem i found in my closet. I was looking through some old pictures and folders filled with papers. I found this "Poem" in one of my old bible study folders. Now, I think this might have been written during my sophomore year. I titled it Perfect Dream, and if i can remember correctly I wrote it to express how i would see the perfect scenerio of meeting my biological mother for the first time. I like it, because i really put a lot of real emotion in it. Anyways, Enjoy.

Perfect Dream

I pull up in the driveway, my body starts to numb. My heart is beating faster, I am almost overcome. I have thought about her everyday, and ached to see her face. Now’s my chance to meet the person who brought me to this place. So much anger and resentment with confusion and disgrace. Along with those are feelings of overwhelming joy. This woman gave me a life to live, when I could have been destroyed. She must of felt the pain I carried, all those growing years, she had to have the emptyness, along with all the tears. But now I must not reconcile, I have a choice to make. So I open up the door, my first step towards fate I take. I ring the doorbell slightly and I really start to shake. Right now is the moment, which will either make or break. I stay with my decision, and wait to see her face. The old door opens slowly, and the shadow fades from gray. Before I say a word to her, she had something to say. She didn’t want to buy a thing, at least not from me today. I muster up the courage and told her my birth date. Immediately she knew the truth, there stands her baby boy. All grown up looking, mature and well. I’m overwhelmed with joy. The tears they just start pouring, she hugs me her first time. The empty spot within me is filled, and I feel completely fine. That night I really understood the decision that she made. You can call it giving up a child, I call it saving grace. God put me with my family, and I feel like I belong. But getting those questions answered was what I needed, and forever what I longed. This story is compassion, and really hidden truth. Some day I know I’ll understand and I’ll find my mother there, with her arms outstretched to greet me, to show me she does care.

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Monday, December 18, 2006

Happy Birth_day to me.

Yea, thats right. It was my b-day today. And ya know what? I enjoyed it, it was simple, but i enjoyed every bit of it. This morning i woke up to a friend telling me happy birth day. Then i listened to a voicemail from my brother Troy, Then my brother Travis called me. Then i got a text message from my sister Brandy, and then my sister Merideth called to tell me happy B-day. Also, today was Vision Scapes Christmas party. It was at the Munchie's in downtown Fort Wayne. I took my beautiful friend Brittany Brown. She is the foxy mama all the way to the right.I love my britt girl. I think if i ever had to kill a male, it would probably be for britt. I look out for her best interest 24/7 And i think she is starting to realize that. She is my sissy. And a total fox, am i right????
Anyways, she was my date/driver to the christmas party tonight. We ate, visited with co-workers, and when the guys were hootin and hollerin for me to drink, i decided it was time for me to peace out. Now, this is where I really felt amazing. As brit and I were leaving, i ran into Mark W.(co-worker who lost his wife) and he came up to me, and gave me a hug. He said he really appriciated my letter, and seriously my heart started beating faster. Not only did he say that, but he told britt. "you know he is a good guy? He really is." It felt amazing, to have someone who i look up to tell me how good of a person i am???? That is Huge to me. Ohh, and it gets better, i absloutly have to tell you what my mom wrote to me this morning in my B-day card, it made my eyes water.



Dear Mikey,

I can hardly believe

that it has been 20 years sence we first met

I fell in love with you when i first heard about

you, and the hope of you joining our family.

I am so grateful to God for the precious

gift he gave us. We have had an incredible journey

you are truely a perfect son.

I am so excited to see what God is going

to do in your life. He has done so much already

We will always be right behind you, cheering you on

to stay faithful and strong and proudly loving you.



That was my mom talking. Now i think she might have gone a little overboard on the "perfect son" part,cuz i can remind her of a couple of times.......But, that is huge to me too. I think if your parent can write words like that about you, you need to be a little proud. I had a really good birthday. I have been staying in really close contact with my friend Mike G. My friend who lives in Phoenix, HE GOT A LOT OF DAYS OFF WORK, AND IS GOING TO STAY WITH ME & GARRY!!!!!!!

when he told me that, i took happy to a whole other level.


I was at.....ummmmmm hapossummnesslesss, that is a mix of happy awesomeness power all mixed into one radical word!! Can you beat that?!?!?!?


M/S Update

There isn't any new news as of yet. But I can tell you that there is probably some insurance related person filing some paperwork, or at least making a phone call. Well maybe not a phone call, but i am sure they crunched some numbers.






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Sunday, December 17, 2006

God is a workin, workin away, all the time, yep workin hard. ;)

Today was such a good day. Which is really good, because the past couple of days my spirits have been really low. Ever sence my co-workers wife's tragic death, i have been really down. Today was definately a spirit booster. Allow me to expand. Ok, this morning i went to church(pathways, new church i have been going to) it was great, and i am falling in love with this church and it's people. After church, i went home, and just did stupid lil stuff, listened to music, and watched t.v. talked on the phone a bit. But, @ 4:30 John & Brandy came over(brother in law, and sis). around 5, we left to go to my niece's church to watch her in the christmas play.




Yes, niece. My biological brother’s daughter. Yes I have some brothers. 2 to be exact. It is really amazing. God keeps putting more and more of my biological family in my life. The more I hang out with them, the more welcome I get to feeling. I really feel like I belong, and that feeling of acceptance is something I have longed for all my life. Now, I must say I have never felt like my family never accepted me, quite the opposite. There has just always been a part of me that wondered what was out there. Now that I have found them, it really gives me a warm spot in my heart. All right, allow me to give you a little background on Brandy & John, because I believe God really used me to witness to their hearts tonight. John & Brandy are not religious at all. In fact, if you ever bring up the subject with them, they turn from it. Not sure why exactly, I just know they both have stubborn hearts when it comes to that subject. Well, tonight before the Christmas Play. There was a time of worship, ya know temporary worship music. Brandy was sitting right to my left, and John was to the left of her. When the pastor asked us to stand, I noticed brandy kind of rolled her eyes. I stood, and I could tell brandy was giving me the look. It was as if she was saying, “wow, this is a joke.” She could say this, without even saying a word. I chose to ignore her at first. Then I started singing along. It was so awkward at first. I prayed that god would soften my heart, and he did that exactly. I kept singing, then I closed my eyes and really focused on who I was singing to, and why I was singing to him. Towards the end I could really feel the spirit working in this church. I put my hand in the air, and really felt confident and comfortable. I know they were pretty surprised, because they hadn’t seen that part of me before. I mean, a couple of months ago, I was smoking the reefer sticks with them.

That was the first amazing part.

The second amazing part is……Well when I was in that church, I got a phone call, it was a 1-800 number, and I pressed ignore, because the pastor was speaking. Turns out, it was my good friend Jacob Kim. He was calling from Korea, using a phone card. He left me a very uplifting voice mail. And Jacob. If you are reading this, I want you to know I am extremely proud of you. You are making very mature decisions. I wish you the best of luck with everything you are dealing with. You are awesome, and I am proud to call you my friend. I will be praying for you! Also, call me anytime, I love talking with you.

Ok, so after the church play, my biological Grandmother took us all out to eat, at Pizza Hut. I took some pictures, so i could show them off. Directly below is my biological Grandma.

Starting all the way to the right, in the white. That is my brother Travis, and his little girl. The woman in the leather is his wife, and the lil dude who has half his head in the pic. is their lil boy. The big guy all the way in the back is my other brother Troy. Their last name is Shepard. The beautiful woman holding the little one in the orange is Troy's wife, and the lil boy in orange is their youngest Joel. The little cutie in the purple fuzzy coat is haley. These people are my blood relatives. They make me feel like i am a part of their family, and that makes me feel very good inside. It's a hard feeling to explain, and unless you are adopted, it is pretty hard to understand. I am so thankful for them, and they show me love.

Ohh, also. One little thing i forgot to mention. I am officially not a teenager anymore. It is my B-day, and i am 20.

M/S Update.
Today, i was sweating so badly in church this morning, i had to exit, and go outside for some fresh air. Then go to the bathroom, to do a quick wipe down. Now, when i say sweat, i mean SWEAT. It was so bad, i felt the liquid beading up and trickling down my back. My boxers were soaked, and the sweat was dripping off my chest and onto my jeans. A very uncomfortable feeling to say the least. Also, my whole body is shaky. It is such a surreal feeling. Collectivly, i can see my M/S worsen in front of my own eyes. Physically and mentally. It is pretty scary.

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Saturday, December 16, 2006

Excitement fills the air

Today i was on the couch. I watched t.v. on the couch. I ate food on the couch. I even took frequent naps on the couch. It was way more exciting than i make it sound........................... actually no it isn't. It was pretty lame, i just couldn't get motovated to go or do anything. I can't stop thinking about Mark's wife. I can't get the funeral home out of my head. I can't even imagine what he feels. It's such a horrible thing. And it is so very difficult to see any good even remotely related to it. But i do believe everything happens for a reason. So i trust that. Doesn't mean i don't hurt inside.


My mom told me yesterday that as we speak the insurance company is "PENDING" on my transplant. wonder what that means...........................
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Friday, December 15, 2006

Close call

Right now i am writing this post in my boxers. There is a very good reason for this, I almost forgot. I was super tired when chris dropped me off, and i went straight to my room, cuddled in bed, and said my prayers. Then i just felt off. Ya know that feeling where things are normal, but something just isn't quite right. Then BAM! a smack to the face, telling me to write my blog. Today was a pretty emotional day. It was hard for me to go to my co-workers wife's viewing. I hate that funeral home. I was almost in tears, then i see mark standing next to the casket, in the same exact spot as it was for my friend Kyle. Just really hard memories. Then i walked up to him, gave him the card, and when i looked into his eyes, i didn't see mark. Then all of a sudden i couldn't speak. I always have something to say, if someone is down, in a matter of minutes i bring them back up. Not this time, there was nothing i could say except. I'm Praying for you and your family, and i will cintinue to do so. Then i left. It is always hard to find something good in such a tragic event. But lives could have been changed, even in that little funeral home. My God is bigger death. Big enough to take something so devestating and make miracles. And it is with that trust i will go to sleep with tonight. Thankyou Christ.


M/S Update
There is currently no new news about the Stem-cell transplant. Thats why i wrote it so small.
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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Today was pretty normal.

I was lazy today, wait i did take out all the trash in the house.....well not all the trash i guess. I forgot to take out the trash can in my parents bedroom, and the trash inbetween the washer and dryer.............but all the rest i did. I did my laundry too!!! well, actually i put a load in the washer, and a load in the dryer, i guess my mom did all the rest. But i did put my old phone up for bid on good old Ebay.com That seriously took me like 3 hours, and i am pretty sure i made a bunch of mistakes. I put the "buy it now" price way way too high. And i forgot to mention specific little things about it that i should have. Ohh well, we will see what happens.
<35min.span>
Actually, i just tried to look up the link to my ebay site, and i couldn't find it...........then i found out i messed something up, and i didn't even really have anything to bid for. That sucks, i spent a long time making it, and i didn't even make anything. DO'OH!!!!!oh well, i am an idiot. :)


Tomorrow i go to the viewing for my co-workers wife. It is going to be kind of awkyard, but i just want to show him i care. I got him a card, and I just want him to know i am praying for him and his family. I also told him if he ever needs a babysitter, not to hesitate to call me. It's just so horrible, it really is the least i can do.

Also, i tried to get a B-day dinner all worked out for me. My b-day is on the 18th, and i wanted to have John & Brandy,Merideth,Robbie & Blair, Chris, and Jared over for a nice b-day dinner. But everyone had conflicting time issues, so i called it off. ohh well.

If i could honestly have one thing for my b-day/christmas present, i would want this Stem-Cell Transplant. I would want to know for sure absloutly that i can get it, and that the insurance is going to cover it. Thats what i want, thats all i want. Everything else is pretty meaningless.
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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Lucky Me

OK. try and grasp this one, because to be quite honest, i don't even know i pulled it off. Okay, so today i am chilling at chris's house playing with my phone, "like usual." When I notice that when i play my music through the media player, it is noticably quieter. Now earlier when i played music in the media player, the volume would go all the way up, and sound loud. This time the volume read 100% but was very quiet. Now, when there is ever anything wrong with my phone i am always very quick to call tech support and get to the bottom of the issue. So, i dial *611 and in moments i am on the phone with "bill" Bill had a southern accent, and was very polite. We tried and tried to find out what the problem could be. Finally Bill gave up and connected me with "Cindy." Cindy was from data support, and is a pro at PDA's. Well, it seemed my issue stumped her, so after about an hour and a half of trying to get the problem fixed, Cindy informed me there was nothing they could do.................except send me a new phone. Yes thats right, as we speak there is a brand new Motorola Q on it's way to my house. So, this means i bought a phone from a guy for a very cheap price, it had problems, and now i get a brand new one. I would also like to add, that the full retail price on a Motorola Q is $419.99. With all that said, i came to the realization that 1, Verizon really does have the best network, and 2, i am a lucky guy. Ya know what i have to say to that? It's carma baby.

M/S Update
Today i felt pretty shaky. For instance, i was sitting on my couch and i put my arms on the back of it. Like you would if you were stretching your arms to the left and right. Well i could feel the muscles in my arms twitching. I can only assume that is the M/S. But what does it mean? Will it get worse? Will it get better? I sure as heck don't know, but really, only time will tell.
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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

heart break

Today is a sad day. Horribly sad. Well, i will start off on a lighter note. Chris took me to Best Buy to get my bluetooth headphones. They work really good, and then i went to show this one guy my truck. He was on house arrest, and so he had his mom test drive it. LoL. I was inside talking with the guy and his mom came back in. She was hooting and holering, "I wouldn't give you $250.00 for that thing." She couldn't even get it to drive, now my truck isn't a luxery sedan, but she goes just fine. And the engine is great. But whatever, my brother in law to be can just keep it. I talked to my parents about having a birthday dinner. I want my sister Merideth to be there, along with Brandy(biological sis) and her boyfriend John. Also, Robbie(friend from work) and his girlfriend Blair, and of course Chris and Jared. Add my parents, and i have all the people that mean the most to me at dinner.



Now, I said today is a sad, sad day. At work, there is 2 mark’s Mark N, who is the owner, and Mark W. who is not another owner, but a lot higher up rank than normal workers. Anyways, my heart ache’s horribly. I was informed today that Mark W’s wife passed yesterday. About a month ago his wife was having health issues, they went to a specialists and found out she had holes in her heart. Mind you this woman is in her 30’s. She left behind a husband, and two very small children. I think they are near 1 & 2. I just can’t get it out of my head, they need prayer. A lot of prayer. I can’t even imagine what could be going through his mind. How do you cope with something so drastically life changing. I really don’t know, it is just a really horrible thing.



Christ is here with us, even in the worst most horrifying times. Sometimes we have to go through the hardest times to bring him the closest. Pray for Mark, and his family.
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Monday, December 11, 2006

Its Monday once again.

First, I must say what is on my mind at this very moment. That is “of course” the fact that I am leaving for Vegas in 20 DAYS!!!!!!!!! Wow, and I found someone who might want to buy my truck for $500.00 this would be very awesome, cuz I only paid $900.00. I want some cash in my hand for Vegas. FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN! Ohh yea, I am in the process of totally pimping my phone out. Today I bought a one Gig, of removable memory. Tomorrow I am going to get these headphones.

Let me tell you why these headphones aren't your ordinary headphones. First off, there is no cord. They will be connected to my phone through bluetooth. Secondly, they provide superior sound quality. But, lets say i am listening to music and i receive a phone call. Well that is no problem, i tap a button on the left ear. It pauses my music, then i just take my call hands free through the headphones. Does it get any better than this? Well i can tell you what could get better. The price for these lil mobile ear speakers is a wopping $130.00. Yes, thats right and i am more than willing to pay it.

M/S Update

Today when i was waiting in line at Best Buy I noticed my legs shaking fairly violently. It's weird, cuz the only time they shake like that is when i am standing perfectly still. Its odd, cuz whenever my body is in a neutral position i shake. I still havn't heard any updated news about the Stem Cell transplant. As far as i know the main nurse, KATE wrote the first appeal, and is waiting to hear back from the insurance. I still feel very confident that this is what God wants me to do. Way to many doors have been opened. But, even if it doesn't work out i know it will all work out.

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Sunday, December 10, 2006

Hola Amigo

Did you know trans fat is the worst kind? Did you know that i hate it when i don't understand my phone, and i feel like it is smarter than me right now! I don't even feel like talking. But i will anyways. There is only 20 days left untill i leave for Las Vegas! Viva Los Vegas!!!!

It's pretty cool how it is all going to work out too. On the day prior to take off(Fri 29th) My mom will be taking me to Indy for a doc. appt, then drop me off at my cousin's house, where i will stay with him, his wife, and his 3 little girls. I love the lil ones. It will be fantistic. It's so cool when everything works out just like you want it too. "knock on wood"

I wish i was a little bit taller, i wish i was a baller, i wish i had a girl; who looked good, i would call her. I wish i had a rabbit in a hat with a bat, and a SIX FOUR impala.

Laters,
-Mikey
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Hola Amigo

Did you know trans fat is the worst kind? Did you know that i hate it when i don't understand my phone, and i feel like it is smarter than me right now! I don't even feel like talking. But i will anyways. There is only 20 days left untill i leave for Las Vegas! Viva Los Vegas!!!!

It's pretty cool how it is all going to work out too. On the day prior to take off(Fri 29th) My mom will be taking me to Indy for a doc. appt, then drop me off at my cousin's house, where i will stay with him, his wife, and his 3 little girls. I love the lil ones. It will be fantistic. It's so cool when everything works out just like you want it too. "knock on wood"

I wish i was a little bit taller, i wish i was a baller, i wish i had a girl; who looked good, i would call her. I wish i had a rabbit in a hat with a bat, and a SIX FOUR impala.

Laters,
-Mikey
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Saturday, December 09, 2006

great day--good movie--awesome friends

I've been having a lot of great days. It's great, but "knock on wood" when will it end? I always keep the thought in the back of my mind that everything can go right down the shi**er at any point. Anyways, today i got a chance to play with my new phone and really pimp it out. I can check my E-mail on it. Which by the way changed. It is now mobileRILEY@gmail.com. I love it, and it's totally kewel. After hours of being lazy and nerding it up on my phone, i went to chill with my good friend Tyler Morningstar. Good friend in high school, even better friend out of it. I got to go back to his "dorm" which was more like an upper class apartment. So, chilled with him there, then off to Chris's house. We went to see the movie Apocalypto. This is Mel Gibson's newest movie. I loved it, but i can definately say not everyone will. It is how should i say, amazingly graphic. or.....magnificently atrocious. those discriptive words seem to fit the movie pretty well.This guy was the how should i say, main character. He is pretty amazing. Talk about overcoming hardships. He pretty much is my hero. Ok, if a movie can totally piss you off, make you laugh, make you cry, and make you tear up with happiness, you know you have seen one heck of a film. I felt all these emotions and more. Where ever they filmed it is absloutly beautiful. I wanted to take so many pictures during the film, but i think the people behind me were not enjoying my film piracy. Also, i don't want to give away the good parts. I will give you one more scene, or picture. Scene below could have been taken a lot better, but i didn't have time to mess

with the brightness. It shows that the whole movie was in sub-titles. My friend Tyler told me Mel Gibson wanted to make a movie about the Aztek indians because no other director has ever tried to make a movie about these crazy forest loving fools. This scene takes place on the top of a Pyrimid, and our hero almost gets his Tarzen butt toasted. By the way, both of these pictures were taken with my new phone. It's pretty much the coolest thing in the world. I am such a phone nerd.

M/S Update

I think my eye is done twitching. I am really glad of this because it annoyed the crap out of me. My body in general is still noticably shaky. I don't know if it will go away. It's not a big deal, but. But, it is a sign of what the future could hold. I don't think i will ever forget the time when my doctor at the Indiana Center For Multiple Sclerosis told me. Something to the sort of, "if you take your medicine and follow closely everything we(doctors) tell you, we might be able to keep you out of a wheel chair before your late thirties."

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Friday, December 08, 2006

horray for the snow.

Today i started off waking up at 4:30a.m. I went downstairs, ate some cinnamon toast crunch, and got my warm clothes on. I was at work at 4:55 sharp. We started off clearing the walk ways of businesses and then salting them to prevent ice. I got back to the shop and pretty much cleaned all the work trucks, filled them up with gas or diesel, and made sure tire pressures were good. So i can say thanks to me there is a garage full of trucks ready to fight the winter element. My boss was glad with my work too. That is a very fufilling feeling. To know that your employer see's you put in the extra effort, and is happy with it. I really like that feeling. It's good for my boss too, cuz it makes me want to work my ass off for him. And bottom line, thats money in the bank. I like doing snow removal, cuz i can think really clearly with brisk cold air to breathe. And trust me i think a lot. Its the stupid little times that i have super short conversations with the Lord. i will give you an example. I was in and out of the work van/truck and the orange juice i had got really chilled. When i took a big chug of it, it tasted amazing and was very thirst quenching. I thanked God for the sip. People who are pessimists always see the bad in life, but me, i like to see the simple unique things. It's the simple things God provides for us that i really take pleasure in. Like orange juice, especially orange juice that is just on the brink of being frozen, but it's quite there. YUM.



M/S Update

I have some good news on the M/S side of life, I really noticed that i sweat a lot less than usual. This is amazing and huge for me, because it is so uncomfortable for me to be drenched after doing something simple like trowing ice on a walk way. I really do notice a difference, so that means some of these pills i take are working!!!



Friend Update

I am really thankful for my friend Chris, he is a really positive part of my life. Now, he is no soul mate like Jared, but he comes pretty close. The more we hang out, the more synchronized we become with each other. This is out of the ordinary too, most people just get sick of each other when your with them all the friggin time, but the more i am with chris, the more i see parts of him i really appriciate. Thats good.



p.s. i found a picture of a really big cat, and i want to share it with the world.

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Thursday, December 07, 2006

Snow Removal Isn't so bad

OK, so i get a phone call this morning at about 8a.m. It is my boss and he wants me at work a.s.a.p. SOOO i hurry to get my clothes around, and BAM! I am there. So i get a truck around and ready to deliever 3 workers to shovel snow and throw salt down. I actually enjoyed it, it is fairly slow paced, and kind of fun. Ohhhh, this part is awesome. So we are working at our first job(Jefferson & Engle) it is like a doctors office place. Well, we had been there for about an hour, and nick and tony were finishing the back up. so i went up front and started shoveling and throwing salt down. I noticed a familiar face walk out. Short, pretty, kind smile, with 4 kids walking next to her. Well, 3 or 4. I can't remember exactly. But anyways, it was Ellie Poinsatte! One of the Gymnastics Managers. Wow, it was really good to see her. Ellie is one of the many adults in my life who believes in me, and one of the many Adults who i want to make proud. Sometimes it is just so easy to go with the croud. Well, anyways, to say the least, it made my day to see Ellie, and give her a hug. Thanks God.

M/S Update
I am noticing my eye is starting to settle down. I think it only twitches now if my whole body is completely relaxed. I am still pretty shaky, and if i stand in one spot for very long my legs will still knock pretty badly. I have found if i keep moving and using my muscles i don't shake as bad. It is all stuff that i can definately deal with. And as far as an insurance update, I know NorthWestern wrote their first Appeal to the insurance company. As far as i understand, this is normal. I have a feeling there is a lot of paperwork, and stupid beauracratic B/S involved. Ya know, all the i's have to be dotted, and the t's crossed. Oh well, i am content with things the way they are right now. And i know God is in control, and that is enough for me.

p.s. My boss called me tonight. He said he wants me to be at work at 5:00a.m.?!?!?!?!? I don't even know why, there isn't even any snow coming. ohhh well, money is money.
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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

yo yo yo i said wassup!

Today is wednesday, what a grand day it is. I got a new phone TODAY!!!! EVEN BETTER THAN MY LAST ONE!!!! I have a problem. "Hi my name is Mikey, and i am addicted to having the coolest and best phone." Say hello to my Motorola Q.

I could be worse, i could be addicted to drugs. ;) So i chilled with chris today, went to the unemployment office and filed for unemployment. Yea, i am going to get paid for sitting at home. Now that is pretty narley.Ummmm, i felt like crap yesterday, i pretty much slept the whole day. But thats all good. Laters.
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Monday, December 04, 2006

A Lesson on God...and friends......and Life

Wow, I have really learned a lesson about god tonight. The closer I feel my relationship getting with god, the more I see how much he wants to be a part of my everyday life. God wants you as a simple sinner. Because that’s what I am when it all comes down to it. A simple sinner. All I am, and all god has made me to be is good enough. That’s the amazing thing about God, he created you, and loves every part of you. He knows all the little tiny parts of you, and loves them. HE IS THE ONE WHO MADE THEM!!! A simple sinner. You almost have to break it down, like you would for a little child. What am i? A simple sinner. God still wants me? Plain old everyday me, an idiot and a sinner? The more I realize that’s the beauty of God. LOL. Is stupid really. How simple is it. And I love how something as simple as spending time with my friend chris allows me to see that. Chris is a sinner just like me, we make a lot of the same stupid mistakes. Sometimes we even make those same stupid mistakes together. But I think it’s really neat to see god work through the same stupid stuff. Ya see, non Christians are so quick to say “well you can’t sin because that makes you a hypocrite. I want to say yea, your absloutly right, I am a hypocrite. But God knows that, and still loves me. He said he would, you can’t let something as stupid as being a hypocrite keep you from loving god to the fulest. I guess I learned a couple of things tonight when it all comes down to it. God knows I am a sinner, and loves me even though I am an idiot. AND!!!!!! He wants to be a part of my every day idiot life. You can’t just shut God off. So why not let him be a part of your every day life. I think that’s when you can really grow as a Christian. And I can say that with confidence. I have struggled a lot with God and my Christianity. But as long as I am willing to let god struggle right along with me, I am doin alright. He says so in the word, and that has proven itself to me time and time again.

LIFE CHECK
Right now in my life I am seeking out small groups from pathways, and that is goin good. And I am feeling led to go to Pathways, and it really is an amazing church. I can really tell God is working in a huge way there. I am seeking out small groups because I know having a close knit group of Christians is the only way I can keep myself accountable. That is just reality. I really feel like God is working in my life, and it’s awesome to see how god works in the stupidest little everyday things.

M/S Check
The M/s isn’t different much. My hands are still shaky, and when I stand in one position for a while, my legs really start to knock together. Also, I can see how damaging M/S can be to every day thinking. I notice really small things I do start to change for the worse. I am extremely in tune with my body, and I notice really small changes in my own behavior and way of thinking.

Friend check
Why do I get so much satisfaction out of making people happy? All my life I have stayed true to my closest friends, and they have never let me down. And i get so much from making them happy. It’s really a win win situation. I make them happy, they make me happy. It’s the perfect balance, and they don’t even have to do anything except take my kindness. When that’s all done and said, I guess I just have to say thankyou for friends God.

p.s. I could really use a couple words of support if any of this stuff i write in this "BLOG" makes any sense.
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Sunday, December 03, 2006

Satisfying Sunday

OK, so this morning didn't start off very smooth. I had been sleeping a lot the day prior, cuz I didn't feel too good. Therefore, I was up kind of early this morning. Actually, my ride to church sent me a text message at 8:20 saying he wouldn't be able to pick me up this morning. THEREFORE, I was rather stuck. However, I remembered Kaley went to Pathways, so I gave her a call around 9ish and she said her and her mom would be there (my house) to pick me up. They did, and we went to church. Where I sat with friends Kyleigh Smith, Kayla and Courtney Steury. It was really nice to see them. And I kind of wanted that to happen all along, it was odd to me that it all worked out. Cuz I didn't even have a chance to make it happen, it just did. Thanks God. Sooo…Church started with a skit. There was a man, in a nice suite, at his proverbial “wits end.” Ya see, he was playing an alcoholic struggling to decide whether or not he would put himself into an in-patient alcohol rehab program. Anyways, this guy is really torn, he knows he has a problem, but will he really give it up? At the end of the skit he takes out his flask and tells the “doc.” To tell his wife and friends that he will be in the rehab for a while. This skit showed very clearly, how we let problems and emotional baggage, build up in our lives to the point where they become real problems. Now you could take the alcohol and replace it with a number of other things.
An eating disorder, physical, emotional or verbal abuse, a drug problem, depression, worry, pride, and even relationships can cause serious emotional baggage in our lives. The pastor talked about how all those things act like a barrier between yourself and God. It’s so true; I know I used Drugs and all sorts of controlled substances as a release from my problems. While all along my problems just became worse and worse. Just like the guy in the skit, I had to come to a point where I decided enough is enough. It wasn’t simple, and I had to live through many mistakes. Nevertheless, I did come to the decision that I was going to give my problems to Christ. I think the problem comes when you won't let go of your pride. Your pride keeps you from accepting that you really have a problem. That is so hard to admit, as humans we want to be in control of our own lives. But God tells us to let him be in the drivers seat. Yup, I said it. And it is so good. I made this decision not too long ago. And I have noticed how God has blessed me in so many ways. In addition, all the little stupid sinful things I do, I notice in a different sense. Like I feel extremely guilty for all the stupid things. Like swearing, or talking ill of someone. Those are little stupid things that I never cared about before. I want to live for Christ, and devote my life to him. It’s a slow process, but I can slowly give him all my problems. The cool part is I really do feel relieved. My issues don’t have to be a burden anymore.

M/S Update


In church today, my legs were shaking like crazy. The sweating is bad, but i really think i might have noticed a little bit of a difference. It could just be mind games, but i really think i was sweating less than normal. If that really is the case, then YESSS!!!!!! The right eye is still twitching, and yep. Thats all folks.
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Saturday, December 02, 2006

wow lazy,boring,stuid saturday.

Today i woke up, ate some breakfeast. I didn't feel 100% then, but i'm a tuff one. My dad wanted me to help him put plastic around the porch, we do it every winter. I did and it made me really cold. It is 9:49p.m. right now, i just got just got off the phone with Tyler M., my friend and ride to church tomorrow. I havn't seen him in a while, so it will be really good to talk to him. I am pretty sure i didn't feel good because of a new medication. I am not positive, but i don't think my liver is accepting the new med's. I'm not a doctor, but thats my guess.

I'm going to bed now.
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Friday, December 01, 2006

Freaky Friday

First off, let me start off by saying nothing about today was freaky. OK, i wake up and then i eat some breakfeast. Then it's time to go to court.........But wait, WHERE IS THE LETTER DOCTOR SAUDER WROTE FOR THE JUDGE?!?!?!? neither one of us(my mom &I) knew. were freaking out and running around the house like a couple of chickens with their heads cut off. SO, my mom calls the doctors office, and luckily they have a copy of it. When in reality, it was in the back seat of the camry under some stupid stuff. The letter explained how i am so close to getting a stem cell transplant. It was for the judge, and my family physician wrote it for me. Mark Sauder is probably the coolest and best doctor a guy could have. So, my mom drops me off at the court house and i sit in the court room for about 2 hours, then my lawyer pulls me out, tells me the game plan and budda bing, The next court date is set for April 10th. Buys me a bunch of time.

After that i go home and wait for chris to get off work, at like 2:30. Chris picks me up and we go to the hospital to have my blood tested to see if my liver is accepting the new medication. Hopefully it is. So, sense it is friday it is party time. right? we hit up 3 parties. First we started at my friend Brads house, it was fun and i got to see that "click" of friends. Then, we move to the south side of Fort Wayne, to stop by my buddy "shoob." it is his 21st B-day, and i get to see and hang with a whole different "click" of friends. Then last but not least, we go to my friend Brandon Heartzler's house. There is like a kegger, and lots of guys and chicks that like to play Dungens & Dragons................need i say more? We left that one pretty quick. I also must mention i didn't drink one ounce of alcohol, or partake in any type of controlled substance. Not only that, but I felt bad for the people who were. My heart is really changing how i look at that stuff. I love having such a wide variety of friends, because every party had a totally different atmosphere. I loved it. I am kind of tired now. I am definately ready to go to bed.
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