ummmm hum

So today after my Psychology class we had an exam study session for an hour. I was one of only 7 people who showed up. Me, a foreign guy, and the rest females. After the study session was over this girl Latoda who is Dr. Millers (psych prof.) TA came up to me in the hall. See, Latoda is also in my Communication class. She came up to me and said, “so, don’t we have an impromptu speech today?” I said, “yeah, we do.” Latoda then asked me if we were allowed to have a partner. I caught the hint and said, “yeah, we are actually, hey do you think you would be interested in being my partner?” Well, long story short, I thought up a really great speech and we both did an awesome job together. We got the “most creative” speech and then we got an extra 5 extra credit points. It was awesome because she made a correct assumption about me. It felt good to make that happen.

As I was driving home I passed an older man riding his bike. Now, this is not a big deal at all. BUT, he was riding on a busy street in the most busy part of the day, with a bunch of college kids leaving the university.

I just don't understand why he has to ride in the street when there is a perfectly good sidewalk that runs the whole length of the area he needed to go. I just had to pull off and take a picture. I would really like to know why people do this. It's not like this is the only guy who does this in. All over the city people ride their bikes when they could be on a perfectly good and safe sidewalk. I can't make sense out of it.

The girls had a great gymnastics meet tonight. I was super proud of them.

Afterwards my friend Holly took me out to eat and I activated my old phone on her account. She hated her phone and was having a lot of troubles with it. We met at Banditos and had a good talk and meal. It started to snow pretty good as I left Banditos. When it is super windy out and the snow falls hard it makes this really beautiful sweeping all around the road. As long as you drive slow and pay attention, it is really pretty to see. This picture doesn't do it justice, but it kind of explains what I am talking about. If those headlights weren't shining right towards me, then you could see what I am talking about a lot better. :-)

cold, windy, sore.....FUN!

Ohh I really needed to do this for myself today. It was exactly what the doctor ordered. I was with some great guys, and had such a good time. The car ride there was INTENSE! There was really bad weather all through Michigan, and we saw like 6 wrecks. A lot of the time we were going 35 MPH on the Interstate. This is a picture of the guys I went with. To the right, of course we have Josh. Sitting right to the left of Josh is Brady. Up in the passenger seat is Zach, and driving this beast of a minivan is Troy. 4 Great guys to go on a ski trip with. I had such a good time and really enjoyed their companionship. I sat in the back of the van, and this was what the roads looked like the majority of the drive there. Michigan doesn't do a very good job of getting their roads cleared off. I guess I can consider the Indiana Department of Transportation to be top notch after this trip. Bittersweet is the name of the Ski resort we went to. It is a small close location, but we still had a really great time. I got to have some really solid conversations with Josh on the way back as well. Also, on my way back I got a phone call from Tom. Tom is the other staff member for Young Life. He does an awesome job, and invited me over for dinner. Tom can also cook. We had some really good noodles and chicken stuff, and then talked about the next semester of Young Life and what some of our expectations. We talked about God and then ended in prayer. God really tugged at my heart in this prayer because he showed me the friendship that is growing between Tom & I. I started crying because it was such a strong feeling. Not balling, but I did walk away teary eyed. I have spent a lot of time in prayer asking God for a godly example to become good friends with. This whole time I have known him, but just didn't realize what I had in front of me. What a day, what a glorious day!

may your grace abound in us

God took hold of this day. WOW. So I went to class and then went to Snider and visited during lunch. This guy and his girl friend who I talked with a while back decided to seek me out. It was amazing what resulted from it. I am pumped to see where it goes. So, then I go back to IPFW and go to my other class, then I went to gymnastics practice and that went pretty good too. I get back home and I am doing some homework when I get a phone call from my brother (in Christ not actual brother) Matt and he says that there is a friend and his wife who need prayer, and have requested the elders from their church, but they were unavailable. So, me, Matt, Doug, Tim, Nick, Raphieal and Matt's wife were there and we prayed for a long time. We just lifted up God and asked for his blessing on this specific situation. I tell you what....It was a powerful time. God never ceases to amaze me. We met up at the church and prayed for the time first. We announced any sin that was pressing on our hearts. Then we left to go to their house. WOW, it is just such an enriching feeling to be lifted like that. I am in awe........

I have to get my butt to bed now though, I am going to be leaving pretty early to go to Michigan with some Staff from Young Life & Campus Life where I will get a chance to go and SKI!!!! I am pumped.

I liked today very much so.

(8:09AM)
In regards to a recent comment, I have been left deep in thought. I had to make sure that uploading personal Ring Tones was 100% legal. I called Verizon Tech Support and spoke with Barb. I specifically told her about my situation and even had her make note in my personal info file that I called. She explained to me that it is not illegal, and the only thing Verizon Wireless had to say in light of it is that if anything were to happen to my phone resulting from ringtones or media content privately uploaded it would not be covered by any warrenty from the phone or service provider. I already understood, so I am now fully confident that uploading personal ringtones to my phone is not illegal.

Had a great Bible study, I really love it when the word jumps out at me telling me or reminding me exactly of what I need to be doing or saying. It is just so encouraging to know I am on the right track. It's so good. I had a really good day at work today, I helped paint the stage at Pathway. There was some crazy chemical reactions coming off that floor. Wow, the fumes were intense! I was getting a little bit giggley. We had to put down this liquid sand paper, that took a layer of paint off, then we put a black dull finish that dryed flat. That way there wasn't a glare coming off the floor up at the musicians or speakers. It dryed really nicely and I had a good time with my friend/fellow worker Jim.

When I got done at work I went to gymnastics practice. WE(the coaches) had a talk with the girls in regards to their performance and attitude issues at the last meet, and then we had a really great practice. It's a good thing. Good Good Good. Then I got home and went to Office Depot and got a day by day callendar to take with me so I can keep track of all my dates and things. I really needed that because I am the kind of forget. I also went to IPFW before I went to work and found out when I need to come in for tutoring for STAT class. I will be stopping in on Thursday, and if I don't feel comfortable then I will be making an individual appointment.

It wasn't so bad.

I did have to wake up at 3:30AM and it was pretty darn chilly out but I actually enjoyed myself. The snow is cold, but it has to be removed from the pavement, I accepted this and got to work. Eventually I was singing worship songs out loud and having a good time. But seriously, 3:30 is early for anyone to have to wake up and then go do physical labor. Once I was finished outside, I went in and fixed a door problem in the babies room. I felt like a handy man. Right now it is (7:55AM) and I am just doing a morning post because I have to get cleaned up and then go back in, for the service. John managed to talk me into directing traffic again....I didn't want to, and I really don't enjoy doing it, but he made an offer I couldn't turn down. So at 9:30 or so I will return to direct traffic, then go on in and enjoy the service, once the service is over I am right back to directing traffic. I hope I don't direct any cars right into each other. That would suck so much......

(11:12PM)

So, directing cars wasn't so bad. I don't know what gets me so worked up about it, but I do every time.

After church I went home and was very challenged to contact my friend that I have been needing to contact for a while now. I was blessed by her, I learned a lot, and hope to continue with her. My heart aches for what she has gone through. My prayer worriers can pray that God strengthens her to seek Christ above all else. To rely on his truth and grace and accept it with arms wide open. God will know what you're talking about.

After that I went to a Young Life meeting. We talked about last semester and the semester to come real soon. I am getting so excited for it, and I think some really really great things are to come. In fact, I KNOW they are. We had some up and coming high school leaders come to the meeting tonight. Their words were very encouraging and they brought a whole new persona of Young Life to me. It was great to be able to see what we do through their eyes

They are the ones sitting on the couch. It was really great to get their input.

After that I went right to Collateral, and I am starting to form friends that I really look forward to seeing. There is one guy specifically that I am forming a relationship with. A guy who can keep me accountable and honest. It is a beautiful thing to see what I am provided with.

I had some really good potato soup tonight too.

made an allie in STATT /math class today.

Yes sir, I made a friend and a study buddy in my Statistics class today. His name is Jasen, and he is married maybe late twenties or early thirties. I have sat next to him the past 2 classes and I think he has just seen how much I struggle. He also knows that the Teacher is not so hot. It’s not that he doesn’t know the material, it is just that he is very complacent and sometimes confuses the crap out of me. I am going to go and sign up for a tutor on Monday, and then see where that goes. I don’t even know how to study this material.

Once class got over, I went to Pathway and cleared snow for a bit. Then my friend Heather from Grabill bank finally asked if I wanted to go with her to a holiday party. HE HE, it was pretty awkyard at times, and other times were pretty fun. I have some pictures to share.

This is Heather. She does not like me taking pictures of her, and I did have a really nice one of the both of us, but some how it got deleted. Urghhhhh, Oh well, this one works just fine. She is actually older than me, yea, I know.

I have to be at Pathway tomorrow at 4:00A.M.!! So I took some Ambien so I make sure to go to sleep, then I will wake up at 3:30, grab all my gear, and head out. I can feel the stuff kicking in as I type, so I better haul my butt off to beddy time.

PEACE! P.S. GOD IS GOOD in ALL THINGS!

Guys night out

It was guys night out. Me, Jared, Nicky, Marty, Dan & Derek went out to B Dubs then went and saw Rambo. It was killtastic, but I enjoyed it none the less. I know there is nothing Christian about it and it is probably frowned upon, I really liked it though. I love action, bang bang movies.

When I got out of the theatre, it was snowing pretty hard, and I was letting my car warm up while I cleared it off. A guy across from me needed to do the same, but his car wouldn't start and he had no scrapper. I let him use mine, then he started swearing because his car died. I asked if he had jumper cables. He said yes, and I pulled up next to him to give him a jump. The dude kept swearing non stop. I told him I was happy to help him, but asked him politely to stop swearing. He apologized, and I just smiled and implied that it wasn't for me. I told him to have a good night and then after a "God bless," I was off.

I noticed that Jared swears a lot.......it kind of disappoints me, especially when he is around his little brother Nicky. I don't know if he sees the importance in "not swearing" anymore. I dunno, it is just too bad. I have class tomorrow, then after I will probably be doing snow removal at Pathway, I hope I remember to pack boots!

Get fired up GIRLS!

The gymnastics girls acted kind of like this cat tonight. If it doesn't make sense to you, then just think harder....I went to my classes and felt prepared. I am not prepared for my MATH class on Saturday morning, and I don't even know how to study. IEE IEE yieee! Maybe I can get signed up for a tutor tomorrow. The girls didn't perform the way I wanted them to. They weren't even at the level they should be at. I was disappointed for them, but the problem is I think I want it more than they do. My car is in the shop, hopefully it will be something simple and CHEAP. They said they would get to it first thing in the morning. I hope they can get it all worked out for me. I texted my friend Chris when my mom was taking me home from the car shop. I almost fell asleep in the car, but Chris is doing really well and is moving back with his mom and said he will be saving up some money so he can get started on Helicopter flying school. I say, GO CHRIS! Better stop smoking the dope first though. ;-)

my eyes are barley opened now.......I hope that in the very least I can make it to my bed be 4 i pass out. Good night readers, I promise my life is about to get super exciting really soon. I can just feel it.

My new phone rocks!

I totally found a way to hack this new phone I got. Now, I can put all the ringtones, music and videos that I want on it. It is a really good phone too, nice camera, great speakers and a GPS system that works better than I could have imagined. It is just as good as one you would purchase for your car. I have wireless Bluetooth headphones that can be utilized and would work really great. I LOVE THE PHONE! Yesterday I had a little mishap with my car. While I was trying to find a parking space at IPFW, I slid in the slippery snow and smacked up against the cement thingy and I am pretty darn sure it bent my right steering wheel. I am going to have to go in and get that checked out. The steering just feels funny now, kind of like the right steer tire is dragging a little bit or something.

I didn’t BLOG yesterday because I was so intensely exhausted. It is just go go go for me now. I know pushing myself is not the best for my MS, but as soon as gymnastics is over things will start to really calm down.

I love driving, and driving with a trailer is even better. It makes driving challenging, especially when there is really strong winds to compete with like there was today.

After I got done working it was right off to practice, like usual. The girls have another meet tomorrow against Elmhurst. We will do good. I made the decision not to go to Bible study this morning because I was just so tired, I knew it would disrupt the rest of my day and really kill my energy level.

I am really happy!

busy busy busy

Today I started off super early for Bible study. After that I went home hoping I could get a couple of hours of sleep, but it didn't work out that way....I was invited by some guys from Bible study/Collateral to go and eat some wings. My meal was paid for and it was awesome! After wings I went directly to Pathway. The first thing I did was apologize to John for reacting in such a childish and immature way on Friday. I asked him if we could start all over. He smiled and said that was what he wanted as well. We got along sooo good for the rest of the day, it might have been a good thing that happened. My day was just non stop GO GO GO! I am exhausted and really didn't want to BLOG, but part of me always wants to blog even when I can't lift a finger to type and I have to type with like my nose and stuff. I shared God's love with several strangers today. God is everywhere, God is so good, I just want to smile all the time for God. Sometimes it is easier than others, but dang do I serve a complete and thrilling God. We had a home meet today. I had to do a lot of the heavy lifting and dragging and pushing and sweating. It's all good though, I love doing it for the girls. We played a High school that is really amazing in Gymnastics. I think it kind of put things in perspective for the girls, but that is good. I prayed with one of the girls because she had to take her mom to the hospital for some on going issues, and it was really just tearing her up inside. I just stopped her and said, hey let me pray for you please. She looked relieved, and I could feel her wrist trembling a little bit when she put it over my shoulder. Once again, GOD IS SO GOOD! In all things, even yucky hard to deal with things. He is still good if you accept everything about him and everything about you. It all really does work out so well. Trust, Faith and Love. That's about it.

bad timing nose!

Today I went to Calvery which meets at Northside High School. It was an amazing service that spoke on abortion. Today is actually sanctity of life day, so the sermon was quite fitting. It was very emotional as well. When I got home from church my mom kind of called me out on why I went to a different church than Pathway. Pathway has been a very good church to me, it has been a strong point when I needed something to rely on. The reasoning for me going to a different church came down to this. Last week I was asked to direct traffic for the church services. I hated doing it, and felt really uncomfortable doing it. I didn't want John to ask me again, so instead of confronting him and telling him, I decided to just "try" out a different church. Wow, not only is that not my personality at all, it is just selfish and immature. The next day I work I am going to tell John how I feel and hope that he understands. That was the real reason I didn't go to Pathway, I am pretty ashamed of it now actually. I love Pathway!

Later on in the afternoon 2:30P.M. to be exact I met up with this girl, Heather from my bank. We met an a local ice cream parlor, and talked about many things. Some of the items on the agenda were life, Young Life, God and troubles. We talked for 4 1/2 hours! During that time I managed to lock my keys in my car, and get the most intense bloody nose! It was really nice talking to her and she is pretty excited to seek out Young Life. I am pretty excited for her as well.

After she took me home and my parents dropped me off at my car I went to Collateral, it was great!

After I was done at Collateral I went to IHOP with David and some of his friends. We had a jolly time.

math, you make me feel stupid.

I had my Saturday morning math class today. It was awful and I know it is going to be a struggle that I am just going to have to overcome. I am going to take full advantage of the tutoring IPFW offers and hopefully any other that I can get. My body temperature was very high, I had tremors, and I just felt uneasy. It is so strange that a simple act of mathematics has such a strong effect, but that really is the definition of cognitive impairment or destruction. It's just strange. After class I went and got my new phone activated. I am going to be spending a lot of time at Verizon for the next couple of days. I have to get my VZW Navigator working properly. That is like a built in GPS system on my phone. I am now using the LG EnV! I have some pictures that were produces from it, they are a little bit higher quality than the Q.

The first thing to do on my agenda today was meeting with my friend Rachel Utesch! It was so great to get to talk with her and catch up on things. Thanks Rachel! She is really involved with the ministry at IPFW, and I wanted to see if she would be interested in helping me seek out college aged peeps that would be interested in Young Life. We'll see what comes of it. After I met with her, it was off to Daves house for Saturday night church. I really like Dave church, and it is exciting to see where it is going to go next. Literally, we are meeting at his home until something comes up, or maybe from now on. I am not going to go to Pathway tomorrow. I am going to start searching around for something that can better meet my needs. NOW, this does not mean I am not going to work for Pathway, because I am. We'll see what happens.

God bless friends.

Dude, I need a punching bag

I didn't BLOG yesterday because the girls had a gymnastics meet at Wawasee, which is like an hour away. So, I didn't get home until late and I was exhausted. The girls did really good though

I think they got like a 88.2 and Wawasee got a 94, so we didn't win, but it was pretty much their first meet and I was very proud.

That was yesterday, and today I just had kind of an off day, and it was made much much worse by a little incident at work that shouldn't have even happened. It went like this...... I rented 25 tables from a rental place and took them back to the church. They needed to be set up and it didn't seem like that big of a deal. Once I started setting them up, the gentlemen came in who wanted them a specific way. I tried and tried to understand how he wanted them, but the way he was communicating with me just wasn't getting through. I got so frustrated, and then he told me, "well, I can work with your inability to do something." My eyes just got big and I think I took it the wrong way. I almost felt like he was pointing towards my M/S, but I know now he wasn't. It turned into a big ordeal, and I ended up hitting my head on one of the tables, "on purpose out of frustration." I didn't do it hard, but I didn't do it soft. Well, I think he doesn't know my personality very well and I think it shocked him/threw him off. Emotions ran high, and long story short, he just up and left for a while. I called my mom to ask what she thought I should do because I was just totally stressed and had never really been in a situation like this before. He came back, and we worked it out. We maybe just need to work on our communication, and he needs to find a way to lower his stress level, cuz he is pushing it off on to me.

Then, I went to Reggies class tonight again. He hadn't been there for 3 days. Hummmm, so I actually drove over to his apartment, and his mom smiled and let me in right away. Me and his mom spoke and spoke, and I got to learn a lot out him that I probably wouldn't have ever gotten from Reggie. He is so modest and calm. I love his mom, and he sure does have one that will fight for him when he needs her to. It was awesome, and there are things that happened while I was there that I can't even put into words. It was a good visit.

THEN....I get home and decide to take it easy on the couch. Well, my friend Vincent from New Jersey called and we spoke for almost an hour and a half. Well, he is paralyzed from the waist down and we got in touch because he was originally wanting to try to go to China. I was able to help him get everything started up to a point. But on his own, he didn't have any luck...so it kind of fell through the cracks. But, he still calls me every now and then out of the blue. This time, our conversation was directed towards God right away. I was respectful for the most part, but certain things I had to disagree with. It ended on a really good note though. He let me pray for him on the phone, and he thanked me for speaking with him. I told him that the pleasure was all on my end. He really did bless me with his phone call. Does anyone have any idea how good it feels to have a grown man come to you seeking truth. Or maybe just seeking encouragement. Whatever the reason he called me, I am thankful for it.

Now, I have GOT TO GO TO BED!

I enjoy working

Some slacker punk at work didn't do a very good job of removing the snow, that guy should be fired.

I was getting so upset at myself today. I kept making stupid decisions because of my memory, or should I say lack of memory. It is so extremely frustrating when I can't or don't remember things that should easily remembered. UGHHHH! I drove and drove all over God's green earth to get some video/audio stuff for a T.V. set up I am putting together. I was going to pay for it out of my account, and Pathway was going to reimburse me. Once I finally got to the place to purchase it, my Debit was denied.............I didn't remember that I had gotten a new savings & checking account at my bank yesterday in an attempt to be more money conscious. AHHHH! Why couldn't I remember that?

A girl named Heather from my bank who I spoke with yesterday wrote me and E-Mail saying she was interested in finding out about Young Life. It was really an answerer to prayer, and it is so neat to see how God works in all things. Even things we don't expect to see him in. Those are actually the best.

Ohhh yea, I had a dream last night or maybe early this morning. It was very strange, and I remembered it very vividly for a while. I wrote it down once I got to Bible study. It went as follows.

I was on vacation with friends and their family. I don't remember what the family was, and actually don't remember who the friends were. It was some where on a coast, because I remember a beach & the ocean. I remember hanging out with at least 2 people I knew, or at least felt comfortable with. I was having a good time but I remember this kid who was always hiding in the shadows. It turned out to be the brother of one of the guys I was hanging out with. He had been hostile towards me the whole time and I couldn't figure out why. I remember this kid being very "the out doorsy type." I remember he show an arrow right in front of me, just to scare me. I finally called him out and asked him, "hey man, what's your deal with me?" He never said anything to me, he just pointed upward. I remember saying, "is it because I believe in God?" He shook his head. I think I spoke with him after he gave me his answerer, but my phone woke me up shortly after that, I believe.

It was such a realistic dream, I really thought it was going on. It's strange, I wish I had someone like Joseph to interpret my dreams, like he did for Pharoah. I wonder if there is a reason for that dream, it just seems so strange. I can tie together my own thoughts on the matter....but it is just so hard to say. It could be completely meaningless and just a crazy act of my subconscious.

first day back @ school

My first day back at IPFW was great. I know it is only the first day of classes, but I am making the decision that I really like my classes and professors. My Psychology professor was a younger man, maybe in his early 30's. He seemed quiet for the most part and not extremely out going. I didn't see a ring on his finger, so I have to assume he isn't married. I was really super curioius as to what he was thinking about his students while his lecture hall filled up. I sat in the very front of the lecture room all the way to the left, right in front of his lecture stand.

My Communication class is with a really pretty younger married gal. I got a chance to speak with her a bit after class. I had to hand my prof's papers from the disabilities office saying that I have M/S and what things I "might" need help with during the course of the class. It lead to an interesting conversation to say the least.

AWESOME!

Today at work I did a lot of moving. We did the majority of it at the church office. As you can see above, we even got the women in on the action. Pathway has so many devoted workers, I have really come to see that first hand since I started working at the church. Those big white desks, among many others were the ones that tried to break my back. I got to take the truck & Trailer to Markle today. The trailer has a leak in it, so I had to take it to I-69 Trailer Center off exit 80 something. I love to drive anything. I especially love driving a decent sized truck, now add a formidable trailer and I am in heaven. I have to give myself some serious Kudos for this picture.Yeah, that picture says it all.

After work I hurried off to Gymnastics practice, and the girls were having a really good evening. But, I was happy to leave early. I had to leave early because I was invited to join in a Young Life committee meeting. It was good timing for me. Not for my day necessarily, but for my life and heart. It was so good for me to see the men and women who make Young Life possible in Fort Wayne. I got to share with them some of the things that I have been doing, and got a chance to share just a tiny tiny piece of my walk. I can start to remember faces now, and that is important to me.

The meeting was at the down town library, I looked like a hill billy, I haven't shaved for a while, I had work clothes on & I may have smelled. I hope I made a good impression on them, and even more important, I hope they understand a little bit better about where my heart is at.

quite a day

I stayed busy today. For a Sunday, which are typically slow and not very exciting; today was not that at all. This morning, I started out directing traffic at Pathway Community Church; this is where I go to church Sun. morning. I was not looking forward to having to do this. In fact, it would be safe to say I was dreading it. I had never done this before, and didn't really know how people were going to react. Well, I was praying hard about it, starting at 5:17 this morning when I woke up worried. The only thing that was bad about it was the cramp I got in my arms from having them up for so long.

Once the second service was over it was time to set up for a big dinner/banquet the church was having to say thank you to all the volunteers. We set up, stacked up, rolled out, decorated, and this that and everything.

I should have taken a picture of the room with all the chairs set up nicely like they are in a service. Mind you, we seat over a thousand people in a full service at Pathway. That is a lot of CHAIRS! For the show, I was in charge of the lights. It was a lot of fun, and I think everything went really nicely. I felt like I was setting the "ambient mood" for the crowd during worship time. You know, put a spot light on the pastor when he is speaking, and dim the house lights so that everyone pays attention to what they are suppose to. There was a lot of work put into it, very much fun.

Todays sermon expanded on Daniel and his boys shadrack, meshack & abendigo. It talked more about identity, and these were some of the notes I took. The things that stood out to me. The condition of your heart will determine your response to the worry. Daniel and his crew could have really freaked out to some of the things they went through. BUT, because they had prepared and conditioned their hearts, they reacted in a way that reflected that.

1. Fix your eyes on Jesus daily. Try to see him in everything.

A. scripture/silence Being in the scripture is so important, it changes your life. It transforms your life. I am a living testimony to this truth. -Mikey

B. observe Watch God at work, try to see what you read.

C. apply The truth's that you find in scripture need to be applied to real life scenarios. Otherwise, they are just stories.

D. Knees, time in prayer Christianity is not a one sided relationship. We can't just listen, I think it is so important to express my fears & excitement.

2. Hand your worries to God, no matter what you are worrying about, just admit to God that it is too much for you. It's okay to do this, and God is more than willing to help us carry the burden.

3. Keep God on a throne. We mustn't ever forget the Majesty of God.

4. Rest in the promises of God. If you really "trust" in God, worry shouldn't ever be there. But, because we are human, we can rest assured that if/when we worry, we can still give it right up to Abba.

5. Dont wait in your worry. If you prolong your worries, they will only become stronger and attempt to take over.

My perception

(3:30PM or so)

I woke up as late as my body would allow me to. I knew I couldn’t lay in my bed any longer because all the covers were untucked and all over the place. This happens once I wake up but am still very sleepy. I roll around in my bed, and usually wrap myself in several layers of covers. I position my body in cool areas of the bed, along with my head on one pillow to another. Once I have successfully used up all the “cool” (temperature) parts of my bed, then and only then will I flop out and move along with the day. I made it to about 11:30 this morning. I moseyed around doing mostly meaningless things and then I realized I had this new phone! Ahhh HA! I got the new phone at the beginning of last week. I have not activated it yet, because there are several things about it that I am uneasy about. The first one was that it did not come with a USB cable like the lady on the phone told me it would; grrrr I gave into this and purchased one yesterday. Secondly, I have figured out that Verizon requests of their phone manufacturers (Samsung, RIM or Blackberry, Kyocera, LG, Motorola, Nokia, Palm, Sanyo, Sony Erickson, Audiovox and Qualcomm) to create “smart” CDMA phones now. In layman’s terms, Verizon wants their customers to have to pay for things like media, games and RINGTONES. It’s not cheap either, a simple ringtone that is under 30 seconds in length can cost in upwards of $2.99! This just does not sit well with me. What happens? I get extremely motivated to find a way to get around the problem. I spent over an hour with a Verizon representative, then a Verizon Tech Support person, and was finally connected with an LG agent (my new phone is LG). After I gathered as much information from all three sources, I did some digging in different forums on the internet. Now, I am sure that as soon as my new USB cable arrives, I will be up and running to the degree that I want to be able to run at. Now, the perception I had in regards to all of this is as follows….I can become so motivated about something so stupid as a cell phone, why do I have to force myself to get into God’s word? Once I am in it, I am content and feel like I did when I conquered the phone problem. I wanted to conquer the phone problem though. I wanted to make the calls and gather information to solve the problem I was having. I don’t necessarily “want” to wake up and go to Bible study in the morning. It is good enough that I force myself to do so? I find myself asking the question, “should I have a different feeling?” I am dumbfounded. I do know that I Love my savior with all my heart, mind & soul. I do know that I trust my savior in all things. (deep breath) I don’t know if any of what I just wrote makes any sense, but it did feel good to type it out and read it over.

12:27AM.

I just got back from a movie that I saw with my friend Amanda. It was called, "The Orphanage." It was in Spanish, so English subtitles the whole time, and was going really good the whole time till the ending......the ending ended it for me.

I went to Dave church, other wise known as Lifelight Ministries. It is the last time we can meet in the building that we have been allowed to meet in for the past 5 months. It is really going to be neat to see where God takes this whole ministry. The sermon/talk was great, and very uplifting. The praise and worship time was phenomenal! I felt like God answered my frustration that I put out there in the above "perception" ranting. Dave said this, "I am a child of God, I don't deserve it, but I have it. I'm adopted into the body of Christ and that's good enough." It was simple, but yet I found SOOOO much comfort in it. My eyes just got kind of buggy big, and I was simply reminded. It was a sweet thing.

God, I am your vessel. Alone, I am less than nothing. But, with you in accordance to your will I have no limit. God, allow me to do your labor with a Christ centered attitude. Help me to love others as you loved. My prayer is that I become small, so that you may be glorified. I don't want any of the eyes on me, but directed towards you where my strength comes from. Your grace is hard to comprehend. I don't have to understand it, I just have to accept it. You are so good. Every breath I take is from you, every time my heart pumps, it is of you. You are my everything, remind me constantly.

I skipped yesterday, I know

I skipped yesterday because I was so dog gone tired! My body is constantly exhausted from this non-stop life style I have had. Don't get me wrong, it is great and I wouldn't have it any other way. I just have to learn to pace myself.

Today while I was working I had a lot of thinking time. At first my mind was kind of empty. There wasn't a whole lot of thought processing going on. Later, once I got a chance to speak with a couple of different people, I got to see how bright and vibrant God is in other peoples lives as well as mine. It seems for me that my eyes can be taken off focus fairly easy. It is so important for me to stay fixated on ABBA every breaking moment. This is why Christian music is all I listen to now, and I try to fill my "down time" with prayer and deep thought. It's great stuff.

This picture was taken yesterday in the sound, video & light booth for the church. I got paid to play around and try to learn the gist of this thing. It is pretty awesome, and you can do a lot with it.

This picture was taken today. I went to Reggies Tao Kwan Do class again today and this time he hadn't lost anything so I was able to see what he is always talking about. It was really awesome to see him in this setting. He is extremely apt to step up into a position of leadership. He excels tremendously as well. He is extremely respectful and strong. Physically strong as well as relationally strong. The kid constantly blows my mind. SMART TOO! He is so smart, and I actually see a lot myself in him.

After class we were both starving, so we went out to eat. Reggie decided on the pizza and we ate it up! We got into some pretty deep conversations over dinner as well. It hit me how much he watches me, and how careful I need to be. Not just around him, but around anyone. I need to act all the time as if I am trying to be a leader and positive role model, even if I am by myself. I don't do that though, I get selfish sometimes and I get disgusted with myself. I want to better myself always. I want to be a strong figure that people can look to for advice and comfort because they "know" I have my own self together pretty good. If anyone wants to pray that I am able to just die to myself every day, I would really appreciate it. I REALLY REALLY REALLY would.

I learn from Reggie, and I don't look at him as contact work. I look at hanging out with Reggie as hanging out with a friend. I love taking him out, and I look forward to the next time. I am able to challenge him and he respects me. It is an all around situation.

how many?

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll pop? I loved that commercial of the owl and kid, always gave me a chuckle.



Today it took me a couple of trys to get up and out of bed. I made it though and went to Bible study. It was good that I did because I got a great analogy of God command in regards to Eternal life John 3:16 and is immediate plan of action John 10:10. I love hearing the thoughts of the other guys, it is great to have the input.
This is a picture of me & John. John is my boss. Today I spent time doing little odd jobs here and there. Then we drove around in the box truck moving some seriously heavy furniture. My muscles are gonna be pretty sore in the morning.

too tired to think.

I worked today. It was pretty easy going too. I spent a lot of the time driving this truck and trailer. I think the guy was impressed by my skills. Fo Shizzle! I think my position is going to be like general maintenance person & whatever guy. This is a pretty cool title, and while I overheard a couple of guys talking. One of them asked John (guy I work under) if I knew how to drive a plow, John was quick to respond, "ohh yea." I mean, I do..it's just funny to me. I can John is really happy to have me there, and I am really happy to be there. I'm not sure what kind of hours I am going to be working, I think it will pretty much be a as needed basis. That's cool with me though, I get reimbursed for everything. Like for instance, if I use my vehicle to do ANYTHING, I get paid back for the mileage. Today I worked at Pathway from 7:30-5:00, as I drove home I asked my mom if she would make me some ham & cheese sandwiches. She did, I threw on some different clothes and drove to Gymnastics practice eating while I drove. I am so incredibly tired, I am going to sleep like a baby on painkillers.

You did it again, yes you did!

HA HA!! You did it again, you sneaky, amazing, brilliant, vibrant, inspiring, colorful, unannounced, unrelenting, magnificent, graceful, providing, painless God you. You provide for me. You give me what I need when I don’t even ask for it. Why don’t you ask more of me? Why don’t you make me do a dance ritual before I can even think about you? Why are you so easy on me? Why don’t you ask more of me? Why are you so good? Why do you love me so much? Why are you my comforter? How is it that you can actually make anything and everything better?

My day started off in a place I desired to be in. I went to Bible Study and it was cut short because one of the guys who is always there didn’t show up because he was just having some really poor health. He never gets sick and was as sick as a….. “Really sick thing.” So, we got a phone call from his wife who spoke on his behalf. We had been asked to come and pray over him. So, we headed over to Matt’s house.

We went to Matt's house and prayed over him. It is always powerful when you honestly pray in the name of God for someones health.

After Bible study, I went home and got cleaned up. It was then time for me to go to IPFW and seek out an Academic Advisor. My guys name was Jason Roy Burnett. This was sent by God as well. I wish I could have taken a picture of this guys arms. He had some serious tattoos on both arms, full arms too. All Biblical, and probably full of stories and meaning. I wasn't there to talk about his tatt's though. Turns out he was in school finishing up his degree in guess what, Counseling! Ironic anyone? I explained my circumstance (health issues) and ask for his opinion on how many class I should take and so on. He thought it would be in my best interest not to go over 9 credit hours for this semester. "just in case" I tended to agree, even though I wanted to go full time to feel like I am really accomplishing something. I have to keep telling myself, "all in due time my man." That seems to be good enough for me. So, I will be taking Psychology 120 General Psychology With Spotlights on Diversity, Communication 114 Communication in Our Lives, and Statistics 125 Essentials of Statistics (math, AHHHH!!!). I am pretty stoked to start class and write a paper. People who have been through college can probably read that and say to themselves, "ohhh just wait young grasshopper." That's OK though.When I got done with signing up for class, I headed over to Snider High School and spent some time with the kids. Passed out some mints & chatted, and hung out with Reggie a little bit in the hallway. He told one of his buddies that I was his friend. Reggies Buddie was like, "you have a 21 year old friend?" Reggie kind of cocked his head to the left and said slowly, "yea...I do." I couldn't help but smile.

After I get all signed up for classes and books purchased, I get a phone call from Pathway (my church) and John the guy who interviewed me for the job there a month back offered me another job. He will work around my schedule and I start tomorrow at 7:30AM. How amazing is that, it is so amazing. I didn't even pray, ask or look for a job. God just saw a need, and plopped it right in my lap. Now that is something beautiful, I will not take it for granted. $10/hr coming directly from the hand of God. I believe it is time to start tithing & giving him back what I owe him. My current status is HUMBLED & I am listening to the song After Your Heart by Phil Wickham and it really makes sense to me.

***Thanks for your help Lauren***

it's true, it's so true.

Making people happy does make me happy, I am always open to taking someones burden. If I can't take it away from them I would, I am at least willing to hold on to it while they try to figure it out. I will help them study it, and come to conclusions about it. It would be so nice if you could just pack all your burdens, frustrations, and worries into a bag and just hand them to a friend. I have found that this is not physically possible, BUT, it is amazing because you can get the same exact effect by going through God. It really is amazing. It's grace baby.

I love the Bible, I am at the point where I can't get enough of it. I want it in me, I don't get discouraged when teachings go above me though, my dad pointed out to me that I have my whole life to study and comprehend it's magnificent teachings. This morning at my church Pathway (which was amazing to get back to) we started a study in Daniel. We will be going through Daniel 1-8. We just got a little past the point where the "boys" got their new names. In Daniel 1:7 Daniel got his new name "Belteshazzar" meaning Whom Baal favors, Hannaniah changed to "Shadrach" meaning Illumined by the sun god, Mishael to "Meshack" meaning Who is like Venus, and Azariah to "Abednego" meaning The servants of Nego. The lesson today was about Identity. Now, the King of Babylon obviously put fake, phoney god's, above God. Even though their names were changed, their identity did not. Strong message, especially considering what they are up against. I am excited like a little school girl to keep on with this amazing and exciting message.

I am not what I do.

I am not what I have.

I am not what others think.

I will stop forging through in search for what it has to offer me, instead I will find peace in what God has to offer me.

I will take all earthly things and make them obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)

I will stop letting my past to be the focus of my identity. Galations 2:20-----FROM MEMORY--- I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

I did so much more today that I haven't mentioned. I love having a car and a life that is holly and pleasing to God. I am constantly in awe of what I am becoming. BUT, I still keep in the back of my mind that I want to decrease so that he may increase. I think it is important to always keep the Pride in check. Gotta watch that sucker, especially me. I love this BLOG, because when my words get prideful, someone usually calls me out. It's a good thing going on there.

(NOTE TO MY SISTER)

Merideth I love you, and I want you to know that I pray diligently for you every night and have done so for quite some time. I pray that God softens your heart, there is so much better available for you. If you think you are stuck, there is always something so much better and a way out. You deserve better, you need Christ. Mer, I know you, and I know life has delt you several bad hands, but you know the truth. Stop running from it. I do love you more than you will ever know, I would do anything for you.

Confirmation is good

Today I woke up late; it was probably almost noon before I got up and around. This was really nice, because I have a feeling that my future isn’t going to involve too many more of these kinds of days. Once I got around I got some errands taken care of, and went to Meijer for my mom. She had a list of things that she needed, and I only screwed up on two items. I got plain instead of vanilla yogurt, and then I got her the wrong kind of anti-congestion medicine. Other then that, the rest was a success. YESS! Later in the afternoon I took out a little packet that I got from one of the guys in my morning Bible study. His name is Nick and he is actually one of the pastors from the church it is associated with. I asked him last Friday if he had any books or information on spiritual gifts. I told him that I have really been seeking this, and wanted to know if he had any input. He did, and I took it. It is titled FINDING YOUR SPIRITUAL GIFTS. By C. Peter Wagner. I like how it says this on one of the pages you read after you answerer the 135 questions it has for you. It says, While not meant to be “dogmatic” or final, these definitions and supporting scriptures do correspond to characteristics of the gifts expressed in the Wagner-Modified Houts Questionnaire. That would be pretty crazy if a Questionnaire could be DOGMATIC. After taking the test, it showed my highest scoring to be in Knowledge, Exhortation, Faith, Intercession and Leading Worship. For the most part I already knew what this test told me, but it is nice to see it down on paper. I went over it with my dad after I was done, he said he agreed with it too. I really prayed over it before I took it and I feel like it revealed truth, and I think I kind of needed that. Especially with Exhortation: “Sometimes called the gift of counseling-is the special ability that God gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to minister words of comfort, consolation, encouragement and counsel to other members of the Body in such a way that they feel helped and healed. Acts 14:22, Romans 12:8, 1 Timothy 4:13, Hebrews 10:25.

Today, I also got to go back to the Saturday evening church I was attending that my former Youth Pastor does. I had to stop going because of the Job I got with SIRVA, but I don't have to worry about that anymore cuz I got CANNED, or I suppose the politically correct term is "laid off." I also get to go to Church tomorrow, I am really looking forward to singing and her the pastor give a message and take notes. It almost gets me gitty like a school girl making an A. :-)

Wisdom begins in wonder

Well, I went to IPFW and got my account set up. I am a registered student yet again. I also went to the disabilities office and had them fax all the necessary information to the Indiana Center for M/S. Once they get the fax, they should send back all the necessary information and get this rolling. I am pretty pumped to get my classes decided which I will be doing on Monday morning @ 9:00AM. I also sent in for a new phone today, I will be getting the LG Envy in 3-5 business days. This means I will have a better camera on my phone, and some cooler features that the Motorola Q just can't offer me.

(Motorola Q)

(LG Envy)

I am pretty pumped for the new phone, I ended up doing it with out spending a dime either. I pretty much "own" Verizon. ;-)

I got a lot of things accomplished today. The electric shaver I got for Christmas ended up not working so hot. I think my expectation for the thing is just way to high. SO, I decided it should probably get sent back cuz I knew I wasn't going to use it. I decided to take the cash. In hind sight, I am happy I made this decision because I got these babies!>>>>They were only $39.99! Me so happy.

So, in the evening I planned on visiting Reggie at his Tae Kwon Dao class. Now, I called his mom earlier to see what time he gets there and everything. She informed me that he works there, and then goes to class. Today, since he isn’t in school he worked from 12:30-5:30, then was suppose to go to his practice from 6-8:30. Well, I showed up at 6 and asked around for him. They told me that he left, and that he was really upset about something. They told me that he didn’t even talk to his instructor which is very unlike him. He had left about 25-30 minutes before I got there and it would probably take him about 45 minutes to walk home. I knew his route so I just started driving and looking for him. Luckily I found him, with his head down and walking very slowly on the side of the road in the wrong part of town. I pulled into a side street and rolled down the passenger side window, “hey Reggie, you want a ride?” He walked up to the car and realized who I was and brightened up momentarily. I could tell something was really wrong right away. He was down, and not talking. I asked if he was hungry, and he said he was a little hungry, so we headed off to find something to eat. In route he started to open up to me, and then spilled his guts. Earlier he went to a restaurant with a lady from his work. Long story short, he was waiting for the food to be made and was going through some of his drawings. He ended up leaving all of them at the eatery and didn’t find out till he got back to tae kwon dao practice place. That is why he had such an unusual attitude and why he didn’t go to class. SO, as soon as he told me this, I headed right towards the place he left them at. We walked in together and I pointed for him to go and ask the guy behind the counter. Reggie slowly explained the situation, and the guy squinted his eyes and then said, “ohh yes, here it is.” He told Reggie that he loved his drawing and that he enjoyed looking through them. Reggie was really taken by this, and his face lit up and glowed the rest of the night. I took him out to eat at King Gyros, and I had a great fish meal. We had some good conversations, and I really enjoyed spending time with him. I can tell he is starting to open up little by little. It was a great step forward.

this is the day that my Lord hath made

At lunch time I had a very encouraging and informative meeting with Tom & Josh from Young Life. We talked about life and what it has been offering us. We also talked about next symester of Young Life. Josh thinks that I am right where I need to be with the kids, and really boosted my confidence level by saying that I am a "natural" when it comes to talking with them. That is really great to hear, and it makes me stoked to know that he is right there with me.

The girls had their first meet today. I think it was a real eye opener for them. Hopefully they were a little embarrassed that only 2 of them competed. I hope they watched the routines of some of the other ladies from the different schools. Even if you don’t compete at a meet, it is a perfect time to learn new skills, or see something that you think really looks neat, and then motivates you to try to work towards that new skill. Our team lacks unity, I don’t really know how to teach/coach unity either. Because gymnastics is such an individual sport, encouragement comes after you do something good or bad. Either your teammates will shout out at you with a verbal comment or they may give you a hug or thumbs up. BUT, because so many of the girls are freshmen and beginners or first timers, they don’t have relationships with the older girls. Do I tell the seniors to hug and cheer for them in practice so that the younger girls know that they are welcome and appreciated? I really have no clue! I didn't get home from the meet till like 9:30, it was a long time but it went fast and I honestly enjoyed every minute of it. It is so nice to be envolved with gymnastics again. I think that the 4 coaches work really well together too. We all complement each others strengths and weaknesses. IT'S AWESOME!

My friend found this amazing site that allows people on Tysabri to comment on their experience. It really eases any worries I might struggle with. ~~CLICK HERE~~

ohh yes

Gymnastics practice was alright. I feel like some of the girls still don't totally understand why showing up for practice is so important. Actually, I don't think that some of the mom's completely understand. But, I suppose they will tomorrow when they see their daughter not compete in a meet. They'll get it then. It's a life lesson really.

(Picture of Lars & the Real Girl)

After practice I went home and got cleaned up. Then, me and my friend Holly went out to see the movie, "Lars and the Real Girl." It was amazing, and the supporting actor was a sex doll." Now, before you make any drastic opinions about the movie, you have to understand what it is about. It was about relationships, and inner seeking and understanding. It was about love at the potential of the human spirit. It was a great movie, and I am not ashamed to say I cried several times through out the picture.
I spoke with my best friend Jared earlier and he wanted me to come over after I dropped off Holly so that he could give me my birthday/Christmas present. It is so awesome and exactly what I asked for. He got me a smaller sized Bible with a leather case & my name inscribed onto it. I love it so much because it has the names of the books on the side of it and it is just perfect! I am excited to go to Bible study tomorrow to show it off!! :-)

jehovah nissi

The snow continued to fall all night last evening and all day today. It was just kind of a slight sprinkling of snow, but there was a killer wind. I gave me a good excuse to get all bundled up and go and scrap the snow off of the drive way. I just wanted to go out and play in the snow a bit, and it provided me with the perfect excuse. "clear the driveway, heh heh" When I was out there clearing the snow, it was dark and all I could hear was the wind whistling through all the tall pine trees that congest the neighborhood. I was in the zone, and so to give an idea what I was seeing, I took a picture of the driveway and tried to alter it as much as I could to give a good depiction of what I was seeing. You have to try to remember I was extremely bundled up; had a scarf on, with a hood, and a beanie. There was many layers, and my field of vision was kind of tunnel vision. It was really cool though, and because of the very low lighting & the fact that I was just in the zone, I really enjoyed the silence. Silence can be a really amazing thing. I use to absolutely hate silence and being alone. At times, I find myself craving the stillness.

I heard from some amazing people today, and am excited for tomorrow.