workin it

I started off this morning at Dr. Sauder's office (family Doc.) because he wanted to see me back just for a general check up more or less. He said my blood pressure was back to normal and most everything looked good. I have a nasty cough and congested everything so he thinks a Z-Pack ought to do the trick. These things are great, but I have heard something less than positive about them. Now, this could just be urban legend, but I hear if you only take it until you feel better. There is a slight chance you could start a SUPER VIRUS that could lie dorment in your immune system until a similar strain of whatever activates it again. I wonder if there is any truth to this? It's not like I would test it out to see if it could actually prove to be true, but..........I dunno.

I got to work for Pathway (my church & job) today. It has been a while since I have worked because they have been doing this capitol campaign and I am assuming that they have been really trying to keep a tight budget. Well, hopefully they will allow for things that need to be done to get done and paid for. This means money for me and such. Today I did odd things around the church building after I got out of my Doc appointment. I did get to take the church van to pick up some water softener salt & then pick up some computers. 21 to be exact! My college donated them to Pathway because they were old and extra. They are like 2000 Gateways, so I dunno how good they are, but they are free....I dunnoIt was a ton of CPU's though! It was crazy to walk into my the room with my Universities Main Frame! It was a lot of processing power! As soon as you walk in you get this rush of cool air, and the room is filled with hundreds of disks spinning and things beeping and it was just a pretty neat experience.

So first of all it felt really good to be back in the Pathway Church building working. I just get good vibes when I am in there. I was putting away some stuff in a storage room when one of the other workers ran into me. It really startled me at first, but I puled my composure together and we talked for a bit. Really this person talked and I listened...and listened....and listened. About 15 minutes went by where this person was just letting some "life things" off this persons chest. So I started saying, "here, just walk and talk with me while I work." This person did just that, and when it was all done and over and I was ready to leave. This person thanked me for listening, and smiled and I left. It was so simple, but I just took interest where most people would have said, "umm humm" then walked away. It felt good when this person thanked me for listening.

Did I mention that my mom broke her foot? Yea, it was horrible, yesterday around 2:00PM her and my dad were at Menards checking out stuff for their room and bathroom remodel. Well, my mom was walking out to see if my dad was ready or something and didn't see him (or something to that affect) so she walked back in and the ground was wet and she slipped and broke her foot. Menards is paying the DOC bills, she is just trying to get them to reimburse her for time lost at work. I hope they cooperate, because "I" think they should have the floor dryed off.

Talked to Lynn through out the day today. I like it

rich or poor, God I want you more

I had such an amazingly good day. Mostly because of one single event, but could have been because of a combination of many. I am like in a giggly happy mood. Got out of church, which was about Heaven this morning. I was kind of like.............what? That's all you got Pastor? If I was giving a sermon about Heaven, I would put so much enthusiasm in it people would be shouting. It's all good though, the amazing part was yet to come. First some bad stuff happened. Well, it is the every other week Young Life Leader meeting and I wanted to go over to Josh's house early to have him help me out with some stuff. WELL.....I get to the front door and give it a knock. I hear an intense SIGH from Josh's wife Ashley, then a shout and a crash. I get let in and they have to rush off to the hospital to take Rosyln (little girl) to get checked out. Josh apparently fell down the bottom of the stairs and was holding her. Turns out no one was hurt, it just scared the crap out of Josh and Ashley.

The meeting was good! But I talked a little bit about how I was disappointed Dijon wasn't coming anymore.

I had good reason to sleep in

I was pretty tired from staying out till forever. I am pretty tired once again. I got something really extremely important done today. I met with my friend Sharon and discussed what I needed to do in order to change my major from Psychology to Communications. I feel really positive about it. We even got a tentative schedule thought out for this summer and next fall. I AM PUMPED!This was an action shot from the coffee shop we met at. She wants to be an Academic adviser, and from what I can see, that's a good choice.

I later went to Life Light Ministries (Dave Church) and we didn't have much of a turn out, so we just kind of chilled and socialized and talked about big topics. GOOD FELLOWSHIP.

These two guys, they are the ones who brighten up my day. Every Saturday, all I have to do is surround myself with them and everything is alright. If it isn't alright, then there is always Jesus. :-)

I get to see Lynn tomorrow, we are going to be at the meeter leading, then hanging out at Collateral. I am totally sycked about this current turn of events. It's best to still play it safe, and Safe=SLOW

just a walk in the park...

So the day started out with Shelby coming over. Shelby is the golden retriever I am watching for some friends of the family while they are on vacation in Florida. Shelby is a good dog, and very smart. I wanted to spend some quality time with her, so when I went out in the AM to go to the bank and drop some papers off at IPFW (college), I decided to take her with me. Well, when I was driving to the campus, I saw this lady broke down on the side of the road. When I drove by her, she looked very flustered. I turned around, and stopped for her. While I was walking to her aid on the side of the road, this older gentlemen decided to do the same. 2 knights in shining armor to help aid the flustered lady! She had a flat tire, and the shoulder of the road was super soft ground, so we had to get her somewhere hard...LONG STORY SHORT, we couldn't change it, the tire was like rusted on there. The other guy took her to work, which just happened to be right down the road.

Well, Shelby was in the car the whole time. I felt bad because I forgot to crack a window and the windows were all fogged up. So when I got done on campus, I decided to take her out for a nice run/walk/swimming adventure. Silly dog. Check this awesome stuff/video I loaded up onto YouTube because the BLOGGER unloader is not working correctly.


I don't really remember what I did for the rest of the afternoon, I think it may have been productive.

uber hard decision

This morning bright and early I made an extremely mature and difficult decision right after I made an abrupt and childish one. Okay, here is the story. The American Liaison for the stem cell company found out that I had an exacerbation (M/S attack) and contacted me earlier this week. The jist of our conversation went something like this, HER: "wow, well are you willing to go back to China for another treatment?" ME: (AFTER NO THOUGHT) "Yeah, absolutely, but It can't cost any more than what I have in my NTAF account(fund raising account)." HER: "well, you just let me see what I can arrange." ME: "Sweet!" Okay, understand that I am paraphrasing and probably leaving a bunch of stuff out, but this was the jist of our initial phone conversation. The rest took place via E-Mail. She gave me a figure, and then I told her that was too much money, then I gave her a figure, and she asked her "higher up's." She got back to me this morning while I was in my Psychology class. She agreed to the price, so in my mind everything was set! I E-Mailed her back right away while in class from my cell phone and told her MARK ME DOWN, LET'S DO IT!! It was all so extremely rushed, and I know I just had the allure of going back to China in my mind. Alrighty, so class gets out and I rushed home. I told my mom, and then we talked........ my mom raised some very good points that I was blinded to because of 1 track mind. It didn't matter that the stem cell transplant was a failure & it was a failure :-( I had my mind set on making this happen. Well, I love the crap out of my mom, and her ability to let me see the things I don't wanna see. So, I wrote this American Liaison back and told her this....


~I made a rash decision out of excitement. After some careful thought contemplation, and prayer I reluctantly decline your offer for the treatment. I have to take into consideration what is really best for my health, and future. Because I did not see any return from the treatment I had in Shenyang, I can only reasonably deduct that it was ineffective in my body. My basis for this is the increased lesion load on my brain and upper spinal cord. In no way am I saying that the umbilical cord stem cell therapy is ineffective, just specifically in my body. I have read how it has worked for Drew Schemera and his Lou Gehrig's disease. I know the Chinese patients I had a chance to interview while in the hospital "know" the treatment works, so I have nothing but respect for what you are doing within the company. I don't know where my disease will take me, it seems that the twists and turns for M/S are highly unpredictable. In the future it could very well become an alternative option once again. I just can't and won't say at this point. Again, thank you so much for everything you have done for me. I appreciate it so much, and sincerely feel that your looking out for my best interest.~


This was such a hard decision for me to make because I so badly love to travel. I mean, there is just something about it that excites me and I just adore it. The culture, the people, the exploration. It is all right down my ally. BUT, that would be wrong for me to do. Yea, I could have totally justified it as a medical opportunity, but that would be wrong as well because I know it didn't work. That sucks, and I think this is the first POST I have actually admitted that the stem cell transplant in China was ineffective in my body. Although if you follow this BLOG, you can tell pretty clearly that this is the case. So, that is that.

I got my TEST results back from this most current EXAM. I got an 86%, again. How can I study differently to raise my test score? I just don't know. I know it's better than the 66% I got on the 1st exam.

Count:	73
Average:	73.1
Median:	76.0
Maximum:	98.0
Minimum:	40.0
Standard Deviation:	15.30

I learned a valuable lesson tonight. SHAVE WITH A SHARP RAZOR!
I of course got my dad's razor and finished off the jobb, I made it look real pretty, although that little cut proved to be a bleeder.

Wednesday's are the best days!

I went to Snider (High School) for some contact work for Young Life. I stayed there through all 3 lunch mod's and got a chance to chill with a lot of kids. It is very fun for me to go there. I am kind of saddened because the Principal is cutting down the Young Life presence to one day a week. So, from now on it will be Wednesdays.

After I left Snider I went home only for a moment, then I had to go to Fort Wayne Dermatology. Ya see, TYSABRI has had a few small incidents (2 I believe) of creating Melanoma in a patients. Since I am adopted and am not very familiar with my biological back ground my neurologist wanted me to get 2 moles checked out. They had odd shapes, and had changed size in the more recent years. So, the Dr. took what he called a "core sample" of 2 of my moles. I kid you not, that is what he called it. I tried to take a picture as he was doing the surgery or whatever you wanna call it. But he wouldn't let me because he didn't know what I was going to do with the picture and he didn't feel comfortable with me doing so. I was like WHATEV....I didn't really say anything though, in fact I was very polite and "understanding." I have a picture of it now though.That was one of the moles that was taken off. This is a odd picture, I is actually right where the top of my chest meets my neck, but I am bending my head back so it almost looks like my back. I assure anyone reading though, there is no hair on my back (thank goodness!) at all. The process was really pretty interesting. They numbed the area, and then sliced right into the middle of the mole, then out it came. He put in 3 stitches and I was good to go. I swear I could have done that myself. ;-)

Like lightening in a bottle, Young Life came at me FULL THROTTLE! I laughed harder than most of the kids tonight at Club. It was a crazy time, and I had a lot of fun. Listen very closely at 1:36 and you will hear me laugh like a little girl. I always have so much FUN at Young Life! I wish I would have attended something like this when I was in High School....It makes me wonder if I would have stuck with it, or if I would have just skipped to smoke dope. There are however, some serious Pot Heads that come on a consistent basis, so you just never know I suppose.

I had a great devotional today. It was so fitting to some internal conflict that I have been facing. It was about Spiritual Vision through Personal Purity. Ohh man, so fitting and true. I love how God fit's life events and decisions together like a puzzle piece. It pulled scripture from the Beatitudes, specifically 5:8 I really liked what it said in the end. It gave some practical help for personal purity with other people. You have got to see other people as Christ see's them. So, for me personally since I have taken my level of commitment to purity to the next level it would go like this. Before I take a second glance at some cleavage or some cute booty, I have got to think, would Christ be looking at that? WOW does it put things into perspective for me! GREAT IDEAS DEVOTIONAL!

night P.S. watch this CLICK ME

ehhhh handicapped?

Today I went through with the bother of getting my Handicapped placard. I am not entirely sure how I feel about it either. I mean right now it seems perfectly acceptable. My right leg just isn't up to par yet. But my Doc gave me a permanent one. It says it is good till 2012, how difficult will that be for me not to use in time of need once my health is back to normal? I told my dad about this dilemma today and he said well follow your conscious. I told him that my conscious would tell me to find the handicapped parking space that is furthest away...humm The idiot part of me says this, "well you do have a debilitating disease, maybe you have earned a handicapped placard." Is that a wrong thinking for me to take? I think I know the answerer. Ohhh boy, I can't wait to see how I did on my Psychology exam! I felt so super confident about it when I was done. I really hope I did as good as I felt I did, but either way I did my best, and that is all I can do. I don't think I could have prepared for it any better, so it is what it is.

I am trying to think what else stuck out today....but nothing really is coming to mind. My sister came over for dinner, it was really good to see her Live & IN PERSON @ THE RILEY HOUSE!!

I really need to find a job, my resources (money) are starting to get low.

Stay in the boat, never get out of the boat.

-Apocalypse Now

what a blessing!

Today I studied for the majority of the day. I spent my time secluding myself on the 3rd floor of the IPFW library reading and battling it out with my study guide. I have found that I can write fairly legibly when I use my left hand to steady my right. It is slow, but it will work until my right hand is back to 100%. When I was walking back to my car I stopped to enjoy the beauty of the day. I love me a good sky.


So, I have more good news. I requested a note taker for my psychology class and she contacted me today. She seems to be on top of the ball and I am thankful of this. Seems very intelligent, "complete assumption" but I have rather good emotional intelligence which just so happens to be a concept that will be on my exam tomorrow. I would just like to throw out an idea. I think it would be really neat, if I could go to school at Bethel in Mishawaka, IN. I think that in the upcoming week('s) I am going to ask my friend Kyle if I could come and stay with him for a weekend to check it out. I just really like the idea of a Christian atmosphere, and I think that having a Christian education will help me to go where I would like to go in life. I don't think it's necessary, and heck I don't even know if it is realistic at this point. Like I said, I am just throwing this out there.

I forgot to do my devotional this morning. I suppose I had a lot on my mind because of the study material I was about to indulge in. Or maybe that is just an easy excuse for not being disciplined. As soon as I am done writing, I am going to go do it and hope I can get done before the Lunesta kicks in.

HEALTH UPDATE

I know I am gaining strength in my right hand. My leg is still weak, but the hand is much better. I am watchful of one thing particularity though. I am going to stay ever vigilant when it comes to "depression." I have been feeling down lately, and I just know that was a common side effect with all other M/S care therapies I have been on. It's just not like me to be very introverted and well....sad. I got so down yesterday evening, you can see it in my post. Part of me defends my own emotions, but the other more stable and aware side of me says that this behavior feels all too familiar. So I made note to my neurologist, and that is that. I am going to have to just keep my emotions in check. It's as simple as THAT!

EXAM # 3 tomorrow in Psych, I say BRING IT ON!! :-)

Happy EASTER!

(12:24PM)
He has risen! Well, actually he did that a long time ago. But today is a great day to remember and be thankful. Or, maybe today is a great reminder for Christ followers to remember, be thankful, pray and stay watchful. I am typing again with two hands. My right fingers are still sluggish, and my right pinky does not like to cooperate when hitting the P key. I have a feeling it will all come back though.
Today's devotional was titled, "Am I Carnally Minded?" First thing I had to do was define Carnality. Merriam-Webster defines Carnality as such; a: relating to or given to crude bodily pleasures and appetites b: marked by sexuality <carnal love>

Two of the readings in today's devotional were 1 Corinthians 3:3 & Galatians 5:16. I like to read the whole chapter to get a better understanding and to just be in the word. In Corinthians it states quite clearly that we nothing. This is the view point we must take in order to deny ourselves which is coming up in Galatians. Even the people who plant the message of Christ and the people who teach the message of Christ are nothing. God is the only one who can give us solid ground to walk, grow, and live on. The only thing we can really do is say yes or no to him. This leads to the reading in Galatians. IF you are living in the spirit you are not living in the flesh, meaning in sin. To me it is really clearly put in Galatians 5:16-21 it is spelled out very clearly for us. BUT, because of the whole free will thing we have got to seek it. When I slip, or feel tempted for whatever, I go to God. When the Carnal desires of my flesh scream out and it would be easy for me to give in, instead of making excuses I get on my knees and sincerely pray for strength. I have NEVER been ignored. This is walking in the spirit, and it is so much more gratifying than sin.

I woke up this morning and felt like crap. I had a horrible sore throat, and just an over all icky feeling. I decided to stay home from going with my parents my Aunts. I am going to study Psychology. I have an exam on Tuesday. I know I promised some good pictures yesterday, so I will see what I can do with what I have available...

(12:21AM) POSTThis is what I did all day, PSYCHOLOGY! I got chapter 6, and feel confident with it. Chapter 7 however, was giving me some troubles, but I will make all the missing pieces fall into place tomorrow.
My evening ended here, at Collateral. Pat shown above gave a really good talk from Ephesians 3 it was about giving your all to God. Then, in return getting your all from God. I think it was really hard for me to hear because he spoke on how we are to take advantage of our fellow Christian brothers.....I am thinking to myself, "where are mine at?" (CONFESSION TIME) I BLOG to release as well as inform and teach.... I pray and pray that I can find a group of guys, or just one guy who I can keep accountability with. I am strong with Christ, but I would love go through this battle with someone who shares like minded interests, or at least someone I really enjoy being around. I feel so alone. In reality, I don't have any close friends. This is hard for me because all through high school, and Sin I have always had loads of friends. Now that I have cleaned up my act and life, I can't find people I have a unity or common bond with. I am 21 years old, is it suppose to be this hard? I came from Collateral and shared these very raw feelings with the only people who would listen at the time....my parents. They are amazing and I don't deserve them, BUT late 50's isn't even close to my age. I can't question God's plan for me, I pray for him to reveal it to me every day, EVERY DAY! My mom asked me if she thinks I ought to start applying for Christian scholarships and such. To go away to a not-so-far away Christian campus would probably do my spirit good. I am not meant to be alone, my personality thrives on..... well PEOPLE! I know this is where God has me right now, and darn it, I am going to continue to make the best of it. BUT, I think I am going to start at least looking at other options. If that is what God has in store for me, then it will all fall into place. My prayer request is going to stay the same, God please reveal your plan for my life. :-) "pleasant sigh" I feel better now.

Happy easter eve

First I must give a shout out to an amazing site that found me. If you scroll down and look to your right you can see a whole bunch of BLOG's dedicated to m/s and it's findings. CLICK HERE to check it out.

My right "hand" is already starting to gain some strength back. Right now I am using it to type. It is not 100% but it sure is nice! I suppose it would be proper to say the GAIT in my fingers is already starting to come back to me. My right leg and foot however, is not so. My foot is stumbling alot. I sure would love to be able to thank TYSABRI for the return of my hand strength, but could it be? Could this medicine provide such quick relief? I must continue to wait before such a drastic decision is considered.

Today, my dad helped me study. I still can't write with my right hand, so as I read he played a computer game "with the sound silenced of course" and when I needed something written down he would pause his game and take note for me. What a great guy!

I went to Life Light Ministries (Dave Church) and it was packed! LOL. I suppose that happens so close to Easter, sad but true. The message I walked away with tonight was, "wait on God."

Tomorrow I am going to my Aunt Jackie's with my parents for Easter. It will be divine, although maybe too cold for the little ones to find eggs outside yet. We'll see. I should have lot's of pretty pictures to share tomorrow.

g'night

Good Friday, was a good friday

The above picture was taken at Parkview North (hospital) this morning when I went for my first TYSABRI infusion. Now, like always....time will tell. I had no energy all day, an awful headache & i'm starting to get a cold. ohhhhhh yeah, the car shop ripped me off $160.oo! I couldn't do anything about it b/c, well it's too complicated to type with 1 hand & really not important.

I would love to go on about how amazing this commemorative day is, but i'm not feeling so hot & I really wanna sleep. so here is a link

this was my day

(mid-day post)
The reality of my health is sinking in & I am momentarily upset. I am not upset with God but with my body. I must release some of this inner turmoil. I can only type with 1 hand, I can't write; studying has become so much harder, I can't tie my shoes, I can't dry my body off after a shower, I had to learn how to wipe my butt with my left hand (it's reality), I am always freezing b/c of poor circulation to left side, my right muscles are weakened b/c of lack of physical activity, energy is down, stress is up, car wouldn't start today BUT I couldn't fiddle around under the hood, I must rely on my parents big time when inwardly I long for independence, I can't go paint balling with Young Life kids, if I fell in water over my head I would die, my jaw is so sore from constantly biting down (new m/s symptom), And I had to turn down work. ~SIGH~

Then I remembered a text message I got yesterday from a free text messaging service. It sends it to me at random times & it just so happened to send it to me yesterday when I was all stressed out about Dijon not wanting to come to YL & all that jazz. This is what was sent. Galations 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, goodness, & self-control. The following verses are amazing, but this one was just a great reminder. So with that said, God....I release all these to you, Father allow me to only strengthen my gaze towards you. When I feel as if I am overwhelmed, help me to remember your grace so I can see just how lucky I am. (smile)

I do feel better now

(10:54PM "normal time for posting")
I missed my PSYCH class this morning, this is very unusual for me. I made it to his(professor's) 6PM class. I hate not being able to take notes. It makes studying very difficult. My car got towed to the shop today, I think it has a ignition or starter problem.

I start TYSABRI tomorrow. It's a big day for me. I believe I am suppose to though, that's crazy to me. Let's see what happens shall we? ;-)

also, in my Q&A post on the 15th, i said i prayed for faith so now something challenging happens.....i said this must happen in order 4 faith 2 increase.....well, i take that back. God does not hurt us in order to teach us. Please allow me to recant that statement.

WOW.....JUST WOW

Today I started off by going to Snider(high school) to hang out with my friends. I found out from one of the caring teachers that some of the guys have been getting in trouble....more than"usual." This is not normal for one of them especially so I pulled him out of lunch and walked & talked with him. He has given mr reason to believe that something is going on at home, but would not tell me what. Then through a random series of events, "God." I got a chance to talk to this kid in a really heart 2 heart kind of way. It was so neat!

After Snider I went to visit my good friend Phil and his baby Isaiah.He is such a good looking dude. I had a great talk with Phil, and it was just so nice(pecking with 1 hand) Young Life was amazing 2night. I started out so confused & upset. Ya see...I was going to go pink up Dijon (D) & his cousin. Well I had just talked to D & everything seemed cool. When I got to his house he wasn't there....one of his other cousins came up 2 my car & told me he left 4 chris's....long story short he ditched me then Reggie did the same thing. He went to his tae kwon doe even though he doesn't have it on Wednesdays. hummmmm, Reggie has also been getting in to trouble @ school. Been hanging with the wrong croud, even gang affiliated people. So with all that, plus the fact that I drove all the way out of my way 4 them just had me kinda down. Club was crazy & I love watching kids eat disgusting food & almost puke. LOL. I taking 3 kids home when i was totally overcome with emotion. I gave the talk & shared a very personal story from my life. Then shared the story of zacheeus the tax collector. Well God was in it & their faces & ears were glued on me. It was powerful 2 see their reaction. OK back in the car taking kids home now. This one kid Daniel just opened up 2 me.... He said, "Mikey man, when you talk I can tell it's from your heart, I know you care and I KNOW you're not being fake. Like when you talked to me in the office at school today I took what you said to heart, man I can trust you." wow.................wow....................thank you God! This is what I pray for. I took these two dudes out to eat & they got deep with me, really deep. They explained how they could relate b/c they know I have been through it. I faught balling my eyes out at one point b/c it touched my heart so much.

Thank you God for allowing me to come into the lives of these guys, it's all for your glory Father. My body, my voice, my fears, my joys, my all Lord! I lay every bit of it down at your feet. Father please humble me before you. You are so good to me.

more difficult

Well I am getting less and less energy and I was wrong yesterday about my weakness peaking. I believe I am weaker yet. I can just barley hold my hand in2 a fist. I walk with a little bit of a limp, but it's all good. I think I am getting really good @ taking everything in strides. My right hand is FREEZING! That isn't a complaint, just informing of my reality.

I went to see my family doc. Mark Sauder, the best doctor in Indiana today. It was really good to see him & he put me at peace with the whole Tysabri bit. He explained that it would be very foolish for me to be too picky. Even though the long terms are unknown I have a very debilitating disease & I am young. If it works, then I need to go with it.When I saw Dr. Sauder he wanted to run some tests. Ya see I had some high blood pressure & something other than the obvious seemed wrong. He's on it though & he is also going to work hand and hand with the M/S center 2 get me on the TYSABRI. There was this lady, maybe late 20's who brought in her baby girl (Autumn Rose) b/c she had maybe the ATV(or something) virus. The baby was SOOOO cute & loved stairing @ me. The mom was pissed when she came into the hospital. She had piercings & a shirt with the middle finger in the back. She made it sound like the father of her 2 babies was a control freak. I could tell it felt good for her to just talk about her baby & life. When she left i prayed 4 her & her baby. I had to take a pee sample...it took FOREVER!!! I made it home though & i am learning how to work /w the hands available to me. I LOVE MY JESUS!

1 hand, bye girls

I look so darn healthy don't I?

ok, so the blog today is being typed with 1 hand (dang i'm good!) just kidding. I went to Indy and couldn't start it yet, lol. PROLLY later on this week. I am still very nervous about the drug, but Dr. Kolar promised me I wouldn't have 2 be on it 4 longer than 6 months. That makes me feel a little better. My right hand is very cold and i think the dissability has reached it's peak......."knock on wood"

2 Day was also the gymnastics banquet. I really loved working with those girls, I really did and I am pretty darn proud of them, especially the 2 seniors....I have a less than flattering picture of them cutting the cake 2 night. HA!
Kaitlyn is the one with her butt facing me & Jackie is to the Right. I am so super proud of them.
I know the girls don't read my BLOG, but if they did I would tell them that I am crazy proud of them & that I really enjoyed hanging out with a bunch of high school girlies. What a blessing to me. :-)

In my daily devotional I read about The Servents Primary Goal. I want to end this BLOG with a quote from it that I am really trying hard to live up to.

"My worth to God publicly is measured by what I really am in my private life. Is my primary goal in life to please Him and to be acceptable to Him, or is it something less, no matter how lofty it may sound?"

here it is

Well, as soon as church got out I decided to call the pager to the M/S office since they are obviously not open on the weekends. I called it because I know I am getting worse. The PHYSICAL strength is being sucked out of the right side of my body, and I just knew I needed to get it looked at. It is so hard for me to type because the fingers on my right hand just respond so slowly. But I just love this darn BLOG and all the people who read it so I will keep posting even if I have to type with my nose. :-)

Gail (lady who called back from M/S Center) told me I needed to go to the Emergency Room and get checked out ASAP. So that is what I did. I took my MRI from 2-28-08 and headed off. They looked me over and called Dr. Kolar who is the main guy at the M/S Center. He said that I should get another MRI done and then check back. Well, after a lot of waiting and trying to get me to put on this silly patient gown, I went and spent about an hour in the MRI. Dang every time I forget how loud those things are. The radiologist "Mary" had to be called in because it was a Sunday and she said she was headed to her lake cottage to spend the last bit of time with her in-laws..she actually thanked me. ;-) She was really cool and let me sit in the room with her and explained a bit to me about the whole procedure. I saw my Brain up on the screen and said to her, "there is new lesions isn't there?" She can't tell me by law, but I knew it was a yes. So I went back to the ER area, and I think the doc and nurses were surprised by my up beat attitude. Instead of watching T.V. in my room, I wanted to talk and hang out with them. Well, the doc tells me that there is a brand new lesion in my left temporal lobe. One that has popped up in the short amount of time since my last MRI. He was shocked because I am only 21 years old. My speech is starting to be affected as well. Here is the reality of it all folks. I have been praying that God increase my faith. So that I may trust him in all things, through all things, and above all things. If it means rising above my disease, SO BE IT! I should be so lucky! This is my honest mentality. Tomorrow I go back to the M/S Center with my dad to start the TYSABRI. They didn't start me on the I.V. solu-medrol (steriods) because it would have interfered with getting the Tysabri started.

I went to collateral tonight when it would have been easier to sleep, trust me I have lost a lot of energy lately. BUT, I was so blessed. I love going through Pauls letters in a large group. I love getting input from all different people. The worship time was amazing as well. We sang old hymns, and sometimes I just need to get a little bit old school. HE HE. Now, I must pass out.

i'm gonna lay it down Q&A style

Let me set this post up for ya'll. Sometimes the best way to present information is to just dissect yourself for everyone to see. So that is what is intended with the Questions and Answerers that follow. Just think of it as a BIPOLAR Mikey. You have Question Mikey=QM: and you have Answerer Mikey=AM: ENJOY!

QM: So I hear you are experiencing some “health” issues, could you expand on that?
AM: Yes, there is truth to that. What I am currently experiencing is some weakness to my right hand/fingers. I am also getting a bit of tingling on the right side of my mouth; I can feel it when I run my tongue on the right side of my lips.
QM: What exactly does “weakness” mean when you talk about your right fingers and hand and what does it mean when you say tingling?
AM: Well, my fine tuning muscle skills are being hindered. My right hand feels sluggish and kind of stupid. The tingling on my mouth feels similar to times in the past when parts of my body have gone numb.
QM: Are you mistaken when you say the right side, don’t you mean the left side of your body?
AM: No, I am not mistaken it is definitely happening to the right side of my body. Even though I have never experienced M/S symptoms on the right side of my body, I know my left from right…I’m not an idiot.
QM: So, does this mean that the treatment in China is a failure?
AM: No, I don’t think that at all. I can’t say for sure what it means. Who knows where I would be at “health wise” if I hadn’t gone to China. I think time will tell, and I am comfortable trusting God through everything.
QM: Sweet stuff man, so whats with the RED, aren't you being a bit bold?
AM: Grow up Question Mikey…

SO, for my day today I was pretty darn tired. And since I didn't have anywhere to be or anything to do, I got me some couch time. I could have taken a picture of it and posted it for everyone to see, but I think everyone understands what it would look like for me to lay on a couch and sleep/watch TV. I just didn't have any energy today. Once it got close to evening I went ahead and got washed up and went to Dave church. LOVED IT! Here was a little bit of jamming between Richard (left) and Dave (right) before the service started.

It doesn't matter what song it was or what they said, their hearts matter. And I know their hearts are right where they need to be.

In regards to the health issues I mentioned above. Well, I look at it this way. I pray for more faith. How can I have more faith unless I am challenged? I am excited to see what specific part God is going to work in my life next. Even though it sucks that my right hand is being slow and cold. My right hand is so bitterly cold, while my left hand stays at a normal temperature. It is such a strange feeling. and well, My diseaSe is even stranger. :-) I stay up beat and joyful amidst it all.

Yesterday & Today

Now I didn't post yesterday because I was so tired I fell asleep on the couch. I should have though, because yesterday was a good day for me. OK, the drive to Indy was awesome because I was just so numb. I dunno how I should even think about that. I don't know if that is wrong to be like that, but I know I really enjoyed it. Lemme explain. It was early when I set off for Indianapolis, maybe 7:00AM or a little later. I was a little grogy because I wasn't falling asleep. I took some Amitriptyline that I had stored away because I didn't have any sleep med's available. My body isn't use to taking it so it was a little bit hard to wake up from. OK, so a set off to go to Indy, and it is sunny and beautiful out, and I had some good music playing. Well, I zoned out and had a blast. My thoughts were empty, It was so nice not to think about anything for 2 hours and 10 minutes. It seems like that doesn't happen very often. I could have had a deep prayer time or thought about some of the amazing characteristics of God, but instead I just drove in my tunnel vision and LOVED IT. I wonder...Is that wrong for someone who wants and strives to be a close dedicated disciple of Christ to just zone out and be empty of thoughts for a certain amount of time? I don't know, but I do know it felt good.
So then I get to the doctors office and one of the first things they do is have me start drinking water to get my bladder filled up. I have been having bladder emptying problems for quite some time now, and they wanted to see what was up. They took an ultrasound of my bladder to make sure it was filling up properly, and they I went to the bathroom, and they took an ultrasound again to see how much I was able to empty........PROBLEM! I am having problems with the retention of water (my bladder is not letting go sufficiently) and that is bad news because it increases my chances of getting a bladder infection. Ya see having your urine just sit and sit and sit in your bladder can cause problems. That sucks, but we aren't going to deal with it yet because we have to try to get the MEDICINE WORKED OUT. I took my MRI's that I had taken last week. I hate it when the Doc has me look at my MRI's. There is so many lesions on my brain, it is kind of dis-concerning. Now, after saying that I must emphasize that it doesn't bother me. I am fully trusting God 100% with my health, it is juts an awkward feeling to know and have all this damage pointed out to you.

So, then I went over and had lunch with my cousin Dan, who works for Eli Lilly in Indy. It was so nice to see him and get to sit down and have a chance to shoot the breeze with him. One of the cooks mentioned that he was my uncle. I kind of inwardly laughed at it, but when I thought about it I suppose I have never really thought of Dan as my uncle, just really wise cousin. I can leave that as that.

He does work for an amazingly rich company though. I suppose I am constantly amazed at these pharmaceutical companie$. Just the magnitude of money that is produced and bla bla bla. The building that he works in is SO NICE and just all the nicest stuff. It was really cool to check out. He is the IT person and so because I was having some issues with my lap top, he said he would take a look at it for me. SO FAR SO GOOD DAN!! :-)

So I get home and I think I went and hung out with a friend and her Dog, and then called it quits maybe. I remember being really tired and falling asleep on the couch. But then I found this picture on my computer of some kids at Lunch from Snider (local high school) and I am not quite sure where it came from.
It was a good picture, and I remember taking it, I just don't remember when. HUMMMM. Ohh, that reminds me. My doc. at the M/S center thinks that my urine problems, memory issues, and vision bluryness all are a result of lesions on my brain. She even showed me which ones were to blame. She directed my attention to the occipital lobe. This was disturbing as well as interesting because I remembered learning about the Occipital lobe for my last exam in my Psychology class. HA! And I thought I was never going to use that stuff....
_____________________________________________

TODAY

So now we are onto the happenings of today. I met with Tom and Josh at a coffee shop this morning and we spoke about what I had planned so far for my talk for next Wednesday at CLUB. I agreed that I wanted to speak on zacheeus the tax collector. I think it will go really well, and I know that God will just have to take over because anything that I can think up will fail miserably.

I was kind of down today. I don't have anyone close to my age who I really feel connected to. I don't know why that is.........well maybe a few reasons. I hung out with some Young Life kids and Tom @ Ultrazone (lazer tag) and it was alright. But it was lazer tag....What does that mean exactly??? Well, I think it means I would really like to find someone with similar interests that I can really connect with. Someone on my LEVEL in many aspects of life and it's dealings. A female would be nice as well........but I am cool to wait on that as well.
So when ULTRAZONE got out I went and watched an old high school associate play guitar with her mom and pops at another local coffee shop. She had her some talent!
Thankfully the night ended there. The reason I say thankfully, is because when I got home I thought to myself. Man, I could go for a beer. I wasn't depressed, I was maybe just in a momentary weak point. I was feeling bad for myself for no super good reason. I even made it to the front of my edition until I realized, "What the heck are you doing Mikey??" I then turned around and went home, but I was really headed to the liquor store to get a 6 pack of beer. what the heck?!?!? I want to smack myself, but at the same time be happy I had the self control to know I was in an IDIOT frame of mind. I guess I just miss having friends I could hang out with all the time....I really miss that. I can't hang out with them though because they influence me too much. I can't change them, so that means it isn't on any time schedule I am on. So, I am just kind of stuck looking. It can be pretty frustrating being a 21 year old Male who is so use to having all the friends in the world for his whole life. I want to be in this position though. The benefits of living for Christ always out weigh the negatives. These stupid pity parties do come up every now and then, and I can beat um back down into submission. Just pray that Christ gives me strength.

Actually, now that I think about it. I have been praying that I can have more faith. This could be the small steps leading to the real stuff. How can your faith increase without "faith building circumstances taking place?" I should just count my blessings and

(TO GOD)God, I am sorry I get fussy sometimes. Help me to fall on my face for you Lord. You are GRACE, I love you so much and I am lost with out you. Father, my life is so good and I am so thankful! Thanks for loving me in weakness, AMEN

Good day I say

I hope Everyone enjoys this video as much as I did. Because I really got a lot of enojyment out of it. I love it when people forward me classic videos like this in the ole E-Mail. It's so great. I love getting "funny" not crude stuff in my E-Mail.

So, today I went and spent some time at Snider during lunch to hang out with the kids and see what they are all up to. I love going to the cafeteria more and more every time. I feel like I am really reaching out to specific kids too. It's awesome! I mean if I can just make a couple of them feel like they are unique, then I think I am doing an awesome job. It's God's work, and I love doing it!

YOUNG LIFE was awesome tonight. Josh really took his character to the next level. I have to share this.

FULL THROTTLE BABY!!

So, Young Life was awesome for many reasons. We were able to really incorporate some of the people who really tend to separate themselves from the rest of the group tonight. They really loved it too. It all worked out so perfectly that I knew it was a "GOD THING." It is so cool to see His hand at work in and through YL. I feel so lucky to be a part of it. Then, it was taken a step further with one of the guys I am really reaching out to. ****** (don't want to use his name) kind of opened up to me in a way he has never allowed himself to. It was awesome because when we were in the car just me and him, he was saying how he thought my Christian Rap was sounding pretty cool. So, I loaded him up with like 3 CD's and told him to give them a listen, and that I could give him plenty more where those came from. He seemed excited, and we chatted a little about God and his happenings. I will try so hard not to take situations that God creates lightly. I never know what they could lead to. So, for that I am excited. Thank you GOD!

Tomorrow morning I (just me & the mean machine "car") leave for Indianapolis to go to the Indiana Center for M/S to see about where I am at as far as my most recent MRI's go. I am also going to go see my cousin Dan, and spend some time with him at his work and eat some lunch. I am pumped for the drive and the time with him. Tomorrow will be a good day. PRAY FOR SAFE TRAVELS!

DAY 2 of Spring Break 2008!!!

I got to sleep in today, it was pretty nice. I got to answer a lot of E-Mails and get some work done on the computer. I also started to stick my nose around for a new job. It has become clear to me that Pathway will not be able to provide me with the type of constant income I need to be able to replenish my bank account. Sadly, I am going to have to just find something else. I am not even slightly distressed about it. God will provide me with something, just as he always does. I got to be really lazy today, and I kind of liked that. I did however, go and see Reggie at tae kwon doe tonight, because he said he really wanted me to see him SPAR (physical contact) with some of the other students. It was pretty cool, and I got an awesome video of it...........I just had my phone on the wrong setting, and will not be able to show it on the BLOG. My bad. I do have a zesty picture of me driving to go see Reggie though. CHECK ITIt was really bright out when I was driving today. Isn't it cool to see the reflection of the street in my Aviators? I think that looks really cool.

Something cool happened today. Tom (Young Life staff) asked if I would give the talk next Wednesday at Club. I have been praying about this, so naturally I said yes right away. I am excited to prepare for it, and ready my heart. It's gonna be coo, and a neat step for me to take with YL ministries.

ohh well ok then

This is priceless! The accent only makes it that much better...

So, I thought it was going to be the first LAZZY day of my Spring Break. But thus was not the case. I woke up, got me some shower, and then headed out back to round up some chickens so I could cook me some FRIED EGGS! Actually I had some tortilla chips with melted cheese on them. It was delicious. Yeah, that's right delicious. After I got around and ready, I headed off to Snider High School to rock it out with some kids. It went real good, and I feel more and more comfortable being there. Almost like I have a presence there. It's weird though, I don't know if it is even so much with the kids as it is just for me. Like being noticed by some of the administrators and faculty is a really good thing in my eyes. Having their trust is important to me and I am so glad I can be relational with them. After I got done I went home and got some things done. I am LOVING my new devotional. It is called It is really thought provoking and challenges me. Not only that but I look forward to getting into the word every day. I am challenged to get in the word, but usually once I dive in a bit, I find myself reading this and then that, and God is just really talking to my heart. I am so glad I picked up on this devo. YESSSSS!

Once the evening came I took a couple of guys out to dinner.I got taught a lesson tonight. Ya see, I wanted to take Dijon (D) out to eat, just me and him. He had opened up to be before, and I thought we could maybe continue with that conversation, or at least expand on it a little bit. Well, he ended up bringing his cousin Chris at the last second. Mostly because I think he would open up if he didn't. BUT THE LESSON LEARNED is that I can't and shouldn't go into an ministry opportunity with a prerogative. That is totally what I did tonight, and I didn't leave much room for God to do his work. I had questions all planned out, and it was formatted. Well, what ended up happening was his cousin Chris (LEFT) just talked and talked and talked about nothing pretty much the whole time. It was real funny, but I just didn't have my heart in it. I got discouraged because it didn't go how I THOUGHT IT SHOULD GO. ~STUPID MIKEY~ If there is one thing that I could do for these guys, it is share the message of Christ in a realistic way. A meaningful and life changing way. Well, I know God will provide that way and perfect time if I am just obedient and allow my body, time, and energy to be used as a vessel for his great plan. That is what I want too, and these little lessons here and there will help me to get there.

After I dropped those two off I figured since I was in the area, I should just stop by Reggies tae kwon doe class. So, that is exactly what I did.It was cool, and we chilled there for a bit, and eventually I just hung out with some lil kids while Reggie chatted with the ladies and got himself ready to go.I can always stay entertained when I am in the presence of little kids. In fact, I feel like I fit right in with them. I wish I had a blue tongue so that I could show if off just like them. But, I suppose someone has to play the part of the mature one................or do they?

One last thing.
My good friend's family is going through a really tough time. His parents recently went through a divorce. Well, it is turning out to be pretty nasty and it is effecting the whole family. There is still a young one and it seems like both of the parents are making decisions without thinking about their kids at all. I can tell from listening to my friend that both of the parents are hurting a lot, and looking in the wrong places to try to mask or sooth that pain. If prayer could please go out for Bruce (father) & Diane (Mother) I would grately appreciat it. I know I will be diligently praying for them. As well as their 3 kids. Son=my age Daughter =senior in high school and Younger Son= middle school I think. Please keep them in your prayers. Pray that their father is kept safe, and that their mother just does what is right for herself and children.

Open those doors.

Well, today was quite the day. I went to church today and of course I directed traffic. It is bothering me less and less, but today was almost really bad. OK, you would think that if I held the stop sign with one hand (which is my hand held out straight with all fingers spread out as wide as possible) and the continual move motion with my left arm and hand people would get the understanding of what to do. Well, apparently this was not so for one gentlemen today. I was just really taken, and it could have been bad. I had out the stop signal held out for the traffic directly in front of me. I had been motioning to the traffic to the left of me to move on out. This guy pulls up in front of me and stops, then goes. I put both of my hands up in the air and looked directly at him as if to say, "WHAT THE HECK DUDE?!" He looked at me and gave me the facial expression as if to say, "WHAT?!?" I shook it off and everyone else played nice. lol

After church I went home and spent the afternoon with ZOEY the dog, and waited till his owners got home. They were happy to see her and she was happy to see them, BYE ZOEY!

I went to a Young Life leaders meeting, and it was really uplifting, informative, and encouraging. You gotta love it when those three intermix with each other. I was also challenged to up my game a bit with the kids. I am so excited to see what will come of it. God is working in big ways.

I went to Collateral after the YL meeting. I hadn't been there in 3 weeks, and I was happy to rejoin it. It was actually a really good talk. Pat Miller, a gentlemen who is very involved with Collateral & Brookside is very knowledgeable of the scripture. It was amazing and so deep tonight. We studied over Philemon. I discovered things that I had never seen before. You would think that would be kind of difficult to do with such a SHORT book. BUT, that is the ever amazing thing about the living word. IT"S LIVING!!!!

When Collateral got out, I had it put on my heart to call up D and just see how his weekend went. Then I asked if I could take him out for dinner tomorrow later afternoon or evening. He agreed, and I am really looking forward to it. I have been praying that God will just open up doors and give me the words to speak to this guy. I pray that he will feel comfortable to talk with me and that we can grow together in our relationship. I told him on the phone tonight that he has a great personality and an aura of leadership. I said I saw great things in him, and that I am praying for him all the time. He took it pretty positively. PLEASE pray that God opens doors tomorrow. I know I will be.I get E-Mails and phone calls and all kinds of different mediums for people to contact me on a variety of different subjects. Well, this time I was contacted via E-Mail through YouTube. I see such a huge chance to minister to this guy. He seems lost, and I know someone who would really love to make himself known. I'm going to think about how I am going to respond, and then write him tomorrow.

~ Hello my friend. I have Behcet's disease. An auto immune disease and its shitty man. Im 28 years old. I been left with left leg weakness and numnbess, bowel and bladder difficulties and erecjtion problems. Please man. Did you get better with stem cell therapies? Did they do anything? I need help getting my life back man. You siad you were getting back to 100%. I would love to man. Im too young for this shit. Please help me man. Help my life man and the way I live it. Please. ~

Wow, for him to say "Help my life man and the way I live it." WOW, that is really deep. I could be thinking way to much into this, but it sounds like he is talking more than just health issues. I dunno though...I probably relate to so much more than he knows. I will be praying for how I should respond.

Don't let that nasty talk come out

I think i'll revert back to this verse every time I am around someone who is just talking so foul that I can't hardly take it. I got this picture off a BLOG I found that has a daily verse, and a cool/pretty picture to go with it. I love finding cool BLOGS out there that people create, it is so uplifting when you find ones with like minded individuals. It is just very encouraging to know that there are others out there.Dang, my phone was taking blurry pictures for some reason. This was taken during early Saturday morning Bible study/fellowship time with Rich Honnig and some of the male leaders from Young Life. There is always wisdom given and taken during these times.
So, I have been posting pictures of my food the past couple of days. The reason I do this is because I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to create such dishes. As I am preparing them I just think to myself how many people don't even have running water. Look at what I have, I am so insanely blessed!!!! God has given me so much, I must do everything I can to give to others. I just have to.

I went to Saturday night church at Daves house and it was so uplifting. Well, it is every time I go, and I take a lot away from his messages. I feel so strongly about what is going on there. I feel a real sense of discipleship going on with me personally, and it is just a beautiful thing. We got to sing this amazing song, that is so powerful to me. I remember singing it for the first time on a missions trip that I went on with Dave way back when to Mexico. A simple, yet powerful song.
dave church

You can hear a little bit of my voice, and I am sorry about that. But I ain't singing for any earthly ears so I suppose it just doesn't matter, and plus the baby did a good job of masking it. :-)

get this

So my day was filled with pictures. I was kind of just in a picture frenzy. I think it adds a little something extra to a BLOG though. I am such a visual person, and even though I love going back on some of my older entries and reading some of the descriptive wording, I still love to see the pictures. It is probably my mind reverting to back in the old days when reading a book composed mostly of looking at big brightly colored pictures. So, here goes......It started off with me getting on my computer and getting up to date on all my E-Mails. We are taking care of ZOEY right now, and I had her upstairs with me while I was on the computer. She is soo ZOEY. She is so hyper all the time. As soon as we got in the upstairs I shut the door about 5/8th of the way, just enough so she could not get out. She poked her head in the opening but because her clumsy body movement she bumped into the door it spooked her and ended up shutting it more. I am just watching her, laughing. So now the door is only open about 5 inches maybe. She is frustrated by this. I can tell because she is whimpering non stop for maybe 25 minutes. So, in her upset frame of mind she plops her self down in front of the door, and closes it the rest of the way. Then I snapped the picture you see above. She just kind of stared at the door in frustration.

After I played around on the computer for a while I had to go to IPFW for 2 of 5 research assignments that I am required to complete for my Psychology class. This one was on Visual PerceptionThere was so many seemingly mindless questions. I can't understand what the heck the researcher could possibly learn form the data they gather from these "studies." But, I sat there and took it like a champ. I have 3 left to take, then I have completed the requirements for the class as far as research studies are concerned.


When I got home from the Research Study I was hungry and ready to eat something. I wanted to rock out a SALAD, so that is exactly what I did. It tasted so good. The only things it was missing was an egg and some beacon bits. But I can never remember how to hard boil an egg, so I just went without. It was an amazing salad. I hope that one day you will be able to transfer taste through the internet so that I can share my amazing salads. For now, just visually satisfy your eyes. ummmm saladlicious.

I then had to go to the bank and do some other errands so I decided to take Zoey with me. She is such a goof ball in the car. She can never sit still, and pants really hard. She pants like she has always just gotten done running. Lots of slobber too.I snapped this classic picture, I proudly call it DOG IN CAR. I think the name is quite fitting.

Last, but in no way least my beautiful friend Britt and I went to see Atonement at the Cinema Center downtown. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who enjoys a good watch. The ending is a little sad, but it is a powerful story, and one to make you think too. I really hope Brit doesn't check the BLOG any time soon because she would not be happy with me for posting this picture. Not because she doesn't want her picture on my BLOG, but because she just didn't think she looked "pretty" enough. So don't judge to harshly, she is beautiful inside and out. I had a good morning and it was semi-productive and I had a great afternoon and a wonderful evening. The only thing that I didn't like about today is the feeling I have inside about my friend Jama. I feel like something is just not right. I think we are sometimes connected to people in ways that we can not understand. If there are any prayer warriors out there, please keep Jama in your thoughts and quiet times. She is really struggling and my heart just goes out for her so much because I KNOW God has great plans for her. She is just so far from being able to see it. "I can't stop praying for you Jama, I am in it for the long haul."