This is TOO GOOD!!

Dude, wait how many hours?!?!

Okay, so i am a lil sore. Not gonna lie. I worked from 11p.m. yesterday evening to 2:15p.m. this afternoon. I can't even do the math, but i know it is hella hours. I am tired, sore, and cranky. It's time for mikey to take a nap. These pictures are of me back at the shop after the insanity had finally ended.

p.s. Steph, You are one rockin chick.

frustration building....

Okay, So i just walked downstairs to mention to my parents that i am interested in going to g 3 day music festival near Palm Springs,CA. Didn't even have a chance to say anything about it when my mom says, FORGET ABOUT IT! :+o are you serious woman? This is so frustrating, cuz i shouldn't be living with my parents. I love my parents to death, i do i really do. I LOVE THEM! I would kill to protect my parents, I love them with an unconditional love that can only be tought by years of loving me. BUT, we see life, living, breathing, everything on such a totally different level. By the way, here is a link to the Festival. WOW! This thing is a once in a life time opportunity. Not only that, but RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE!! isn't even together, hasn't been for years. I would go to see them alone!!!!! How does my mother think she has the right to just dismiss something like that? Am i over reacting or do i have a right to be angry/frustrated here? Honestly, if i was living on my own, I would be experiencing so many amazing things. I wouldn't ever second guess myself. With my parents on me and involved with every aspect of my life, i feel like i am still a little kid. Mommy and daddy still making decisions for mikey.

I need some feedback on this one. Stormi, i really like your opinion. U too Lucy Brown!!

p.s. you don't have to sign in/have an account to paste comments.

So frustrating, Why wouldn't she at least say, well that sounds pretty interesting. I mean, she could have blown me off, and i wouldn't be anywhere as wound up as i am right now.

p.s.s. I have to be at work tonight at 11p.m. Fun Fun FUn! prolly work till 3 or 4 in da morning. LATERS!

2 words causing aghast out the wazooo!!!

OK, so i know i don't have a bad situation. In fact, it's quite good. I pretty much have the whole upstairs of my parents house to my-self. So, I know it really shouldn't bother me, but it does like crazy! When I hear my mom yell, "SUPPER'S READY!!" I swear my heart drops into my stomach. It is so frustrating because I am 20 years old, if i didn't have Multiple Sclerosis, I would NOT be living at home. Every part of me wishes i could be elsewhere. Now, sense i have said that, i must describe my home and parents. My parents are the most loving, patient, and caring human beings that I could have ever asked for. But the fact of the matter is, I need to be "free" I need to be on my own, making my own food, cleaning my own clothes. I need this Stem Cell Transplant to work. Birdy desperately wants to fly away from the nest. Not because the nest is bad. But because he "needs" to. But, I can be comfortable in the fact that God knows the desires of my heart. I don't need to worry about pushing anything. I am right where I need to be, until he makes it painfully obvious. As hard as it is for me to swallow that. "Gulp," I can.

Love, what is it really?

Love.....I think I am starting to understand the concept. I definately havn't gotten it yet, but I think I am getting a little bit closer. I was looking at a picture of someone I loved at a young age. The reason I know I was in love with this person is because every time I look at her, I get a grinding feeling in my stomach. Almost a piercing feeling caused by regret. Maybe I regret how I treated her. Maybe I regret not holding onto her. Maybe I regret ever meeting her, cuz then I wouldn't have to have felt these feelings. I dunno, love is crazy like that. But I know God has all our crazy emotions on "lock down." No matter how confused we get, or how much we regret actions of our past. God is always looking out for our best interest. I have noticed, every time I deny myself something Sinful i feel i want. I am blessed by it. I will give you an example. When I am super stressed out, and feel I have lost control of everything. I WANNA SMOKE A JOINT!!! But, when I ignor that urge, God finds the most amazing ways to send blessings my way. It's awesome. I love, loving God.



P.S. This girl I speak of is probably the most beautiful creature I have ever know personally. Blonde hair, hazel eyes. Amazing heart, and mind. Every time i come in contact with her now, i always feel like a little kid again. Don't know what to say, or how to say it.







M/S UPDATE:

I finally have some super positive news concerning my M/S jazz. God has lead me to someone who i believe will come in really handy. His Name is Todd Jacob, he was 24 when he went through the same exact stem cell transplant. He was on his fathers insurance.....guess what insurance his dad had? ANTHEM BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD! Same as me! He went through all the stuff i am going through. He is going to help me. :-O Isn't that pretty friggin ironic? Yea, I didn't think so either. God is too good. Honestly, I deserve none of this, yet, He keeps dishin out so much good to me. LOVE IT!! I just want to make others happy, Can you go to college for that? Happy college? Where you are trained in the fine art of making people happy? I wanna go there.

EMOtioNS are SuCh a SCarY thriLL ride SOmetIMes.

So, the picture above is of my friend Steph. Stephanie took me to the movies tonight. The reason I say she took me is cuz i still have no license. So, she was the responsible driver. Isn't she beautiful? And smart too. This girl has a bright future. Forshizzle. Anyways, we saw Casino Royal. pretty good. After the movie i went home and did some fundraising. It was great, my friends are becoming more and more active as time passes. It is really exciting, and what a "spirit booster."

So, after some lil fundraising i was thinking of how i could really draw in some cash. BAM! I thought of Starbucks. Then i thought of my friend Clint who works at one of the Starbucks in Fort Wayne. Just so happens tonight was the night that Starbucks was opening their newest store. Right outside of Fort Wayne, in a little town called Auburn. Well, God was definately with me, and i got introduced to a lady named Pam Kessie. Pam is the Dristrict Manager of Starbucks. Wow, I told her my story, and what was going on right now. She loved it. Not only did she love it, she even seemed a little excited. So, this is what is happening. She has invited me to a meeting on Feb. 15th. I believe all the managers from all 8 starbucks locations in fort wayne will be there. She said she will introduce me, and on that date, i will have a sheet with a selection of ideas for fundraising. I am really excited! I see good things coming my way in the future from starbucks.

___________________________________________________
Okay, now about the emotional roller coaster. My best friend. We will call him xavior. lets call him Xavior Demmand. like a week and a half ago we went out to wings on a Monday. We talked about a lot of stuff. I thought everything was cool. When we get together, it is verbal free time. Meaning, you say whats on your heart. Well, Xavior has a lot on his heart right now. He has a lot of shitty circumstances also. Lemme give you a little background information on Xavior. I would die for him in a heartbeat. I have more respect for this man, then is probably healthy. But, It seems like on that monday we conversed, i must of done something horribly wrong. So, what happens? Time goes by, a week goes by. I am calling Xavior every day. on his cell, at his house, voicemail after voicemail after voicemail. I am getting worried. I call his friends, I have to get his friends to tell me whats up with him. Now, this is my best friend sense i could pee straight. He wouldn't call me back. Or even attempt at getting in touch with me. So, he goes to my one of my other friends houses, and i call the other friend. I get them to give Xavior the phone. I finally say.... So what the hell is goin on? pretty much, he told me i made him feel like shit the last time we talked. He told me i was being very demeining. And that i was talking "down" to him the whole time. WOW! it came completely out of Left Field...... I got that feeling in my chest that you get, like.....ohh i know. When you have a crush on a girl for a long long time. You get the balls to go up to her and tell her, and you see some guy you really hate kiss her, and grab her ass. Your heart like gets shreaded up. Thats how i felt. I didn't know what to do or say.

Moving Right Along

It's amazing how God places the most perfect people in your life, and the most perfect times. Sometimes, you get people in your life, you never thought you would ever want to have in your life. So, Today was pretty cool. I talked to someone from News Sentinental, i am hoping i will hear back from her tomorrow. If not, i will call again. I made money today. All is well.

Anyways, more Good news. My homepage is up and running on the NTAF website.

http://www.transplantfund.org/Restricted/patient-detail.cfm?pat_id=1839&CFID=4804253&CFTOKEN=17223402

Check it out, then Sign the "Guestbook!"

Wonderful Day I had Today.

Today was really good. It started off pretty slow, cuz i didn't sleep a wink last night. I have not been sleeping because the medication I have been taking(Amitriptyline 50mg) was making me gain weight like it was goin out of style. So, i had to put and end to it. :+( Sadly that means i had to put an end to having wonderful sleep every night. I mean i was sleeping so so so good on that stuff, I would Enter the final stage of sleep. REM<>or Rapid Eye Movement, this is the stage of sleep where you dream, and is the part of sleep that your body gains the most happiness from. I miss it so much, so what do i do? I write E-mails, and I try to get people to give me funding. It is more progressive than laying in bed for 5 hours wishing my mind would let me pass OUT!!!! Anyways, enough complaining.

Okay, So above is a picture of a group of people I was going to help raise money for M/S with. But, turns out i have my own lil project......ok i guess we can call it a rather large project.I have to raise $100,000.oo If i want to get a Stem Cell Transplant. The reason i say that is because it is looking like the Insurance Company is going to get out of paying for it. Little **&% (*&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;%* *(&^*&^!!!!!!!!! man, i really don't want to get started on how much I hate the huge corperations that run this Pathetic place we call U.S.A. ughhhhhhhhh. Srry, i am definately going to shut up

So, Bill G. invited me to come to this meeting, we talked about fundraising, and hints, ideas, etc. It was pretty much an open Forum. I enjoyed it very much.....Also It kind of scared me. I was sitting in there 20 years old, and diagnosed 2 years prior. There was grown men in there who can't hardly walk....It just motivated me that much more. I need this Stem Cell Transplant, otherwise i will end up like that. I am not saying God can't use me in a wheel chair, i am just saying i want to do anything and everything in my power to keep that from happening.

So, I need people who want to help me accomplish this goal.
The two papers above are all someone would need in order to pledge money to my cause. It is called NTAF Great Lakes Stem Cell Transplant Fund: In Honor of Mikey Riley. The top page pertain's information concerning how any contributed money is a direct tax write off. The bottom paper is the pledge form. You can contribute by personal check, or credit card. All donations go directly into an account already started in NTAF's system. Currently I am working on creating a home page on NTAF's web site. This will be a specific area designated to informing about my situation.

If I am important to you. Please print off some copies of these papers. Pass them out, share them with co-workers, parents, bosses, neighbors, boyfriends, girlfriends, get your friends to pass them out. Help me be proactive. I beg this.

God Bless,

-Mikey

To Congressman Mark Souder

The Honorable Mark E. Souder Member, U.S. House of Representatives3105 Federal Building 1300 S. Harrison StreetFort Wayne, Indiana 46802
Dear Congressman Souder:

My name is Mike Riley, and I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in July of 2005. I am 20 years old, and I have already seen the devastating effect of the disease. MS can affect anything and everything neurological; from a slight speech impediment to such a severe case of vertigo that you can’t walk or see straight for weeks. I have lived with this disease my whole life, but only recently that I have been able to see the disease lay an aggressive and permanent course. The definition of Multiple Sclerosis is “Many Scars.” The scars I refer to are the lesions in my brain and spinal cord. MS is an autoimmune disease that attacks a thin, protective protein layer, called myelin. The nerve can be likened to an electrical cable; the axon, or nerve fiber that transmits the nerve impulse can be compared to a wire, and the myelin sheath is the insulation around the wire. Myelin is present in both the central nervous system and the peripheral nervous system, but it is only the destruction of central nervous system myelin, that produces the symptoms of M/S.
I believe with all my heart, that if I continue the traditional treatments I am currently using, it will only slightly deter the course of the MS. When I was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I started on an Interferon beta-1a medication known as Rebif. I was given Rebif injections three times a week however, one of the largely diagnosed side effects of Rebif is depression. I would sink into deep fits of depression; the drug changed who I was as a person. I hated the feeling of being down all the time, and I felt uncomfortable when my doctor would prescribe anti-depressants. I used Rebif for nine months. During those nine months, I had numerous exacerbations. I was scared for my future, and I knew the Rebif was not doing what it was suppose to be doing. After my doctor agreed that the Rebif was not working as we had hoped it would, I was put on another Interferon beta-1a medication. This medication was Avonex, the number one prescribed MS therapy. Once again, after being on this treatment for months, I had flair up’s. Not only did I experience flair up’s, or short lived MS attacks, but I was also hospitalized in the Emergency Room with a full-blown exacerbation, where the vertigo worsened. I couldn’t shake the violent fits of vomiting. I never know what to expect; I could wake up tomorrow and not be able to walk. I hate that feeling.
I know there is no cure for Multiple Sclerosis. I also know that if I don’t attempt a treatment outside of what is traditionally practiced, I will be in a wheel chair at a young age. I have so much to offer. Northwestern Memorial, hospital in Chicago, offers an autologous hematopoietic stem cell transplant. This treatment may offer me a different future although, I do understand the treatment offers no guarantees. I also know that Stem Cell research will some day cure a whole list of autoimmune diseases. God has opened too many doors for me to turn away from this treatment. I know in my heart that this is what I need, and I am excited to start treatment. My father’s health insurance, Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield has denied funding this treatment three times. I am currently committed with fundraising through NTAF (National Transplant Assistance Fund). Please consider my request to make this treatment possibility a reality by supporting stem cell research.


I would welcome any other assistance or support you may have to offer.

Sincerely,
Mikey Riley

Shots, Church, and Snow.

Okay, today started off like this. Me making tons of phone calls and sending a bunch of text messages. Friggin Joke! No one could/would take me to pathways. It kind of sucked, but I seriously don't think God wanted me to go to Church today. It was a friggin joke, but i wasn't laughing. Ohh well. Also, today it was snowing, we got some accumulation. So, you'd think i would go into work and make some money doing snow removal right??? WRONG!!!! They didn't even call me in. I was a little angered, but nothing too bad. Okay, so we moved a desk from Boxed Delites, to the house. And now i have a nice little work station.

Pretty friggin cool if U ask me.

Okay, so i have to get an inner muscular shot once a week. It is a medication for M/S called Interferon Beta1a, I hate them so much. But i have to keep taking them because the doctors tell me i have to. They don't even friggin work...............ughhh frustration.

Look at those things. AHHHHHH! I can't even give it to myself. For some reason, my body won't let me. SO, my mom has to give them to me. Tonight wasn't very fun, cuz sometimes she thinks about it too much, and doesn't do a good job at all. Tonight, she stuck it in way to slow. It started bleeding like crazy and it immideatly started turning into a huge bruise, my leg is so sore. OUCHY! It's ok mom, it was an accident, and it really doesn't bother me that much. I still Love ya. ;+)

Okay, my friend Matt K. showed me this thing. It is like a super suite for our military men. It is seriously like something right out of Halo. Maybe even Halo II. I am not kidding, this is a real thing in testing for real military!! I am not going to waste my time talking about it, but if you want more information on it, you should check out this link. It is seriously pretty friggin bad azz. http://www.hamiltonspectator.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=hamilton/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1168470616997&call_pageid=1020420665036&col=1014656511815

Today is SATurDAY

You know why saturday is called saturday?

I will tell you, cuz it is a secret that some people just can't get a grasp of. On Saturdays you are suppose to sit around all day. lemme show you. satURday AWAY. GET IT? people need to understand that if you want to lay around all day and sleep or eat or watch t.v. you should be able to do that. I am on a mission to tell everyone that saturdays are days where you can be FREE TO DO WHAT YOU WANT, HOW YOU WANT, WHEN YOU WANT.

fight the good fight

I can feel it inside me. I can feel my hands tremble, and I know it's real. So, without trying to sugar coat it i accept it. The m/s is taking my life away. As horrible as it sounds, it's true. I am going to fight to keep myself on this planet. To spread joy, and make people happy with who they are. Thats what being a christian is all about. I love it. I love God, and wow. I am this much closer to a Stem Cell Transplant. Lets hope that is what is really best for me. But deep down i believe it is.

A day at Lane

Okay, so today i decided to mix it up. I went to school with my dad. It was great, i love going to school with him. It's fun to see him at work. And i understand why he loves his job. It has to be extremely satisfying to be able to feel like you accomplished something every day. Even if it was making kids line up and shoot basketballs. It was great.

So, First official business is to go to the teachers lounge, and eat food. I find this is probably the most important part of the day. You nourish yourself, and shoot the shit with your teacher buddies. Ohhh, and to the Leo croud, that man in the Orange Striped shirt is Mr. Drew! The Band Teacher from Leo. He now teaches at the same school as my dad. He is very cool. I love getting a chance to converse with him. It makes me feel mature. I have grown up a lot. I am glad he can see that in me. :+)

After the meeting and initial eating of food is over, the boss lady A.K.A. Principal came to give a little pep talk. she was pretty profesional about herself. And pretty pleasing on the eye, am i right??? It was an action shot, i almost missed her. But i got her right in the nick of time. he he, i should be a detective.

So, all was well at Lane Today.

After my visiting time was over, my mom picked me up, and we went to Boxed Delites to finish bringing stuff up from the basement, and made the transition from boxed delites stuff, to home stuff. comprende? Si!!

National Transplant Assistance Fund

For the Ladies

Bundle of Anxious Frustration

Okay, i worked on my Vegas Movie i created using all the pictures and video recordings i got off my phone and 35mm camera. It was really cool too. I used a movie editing program called Pinnacle Studio 9. Holy shit has it frustrated me. Seriously like i probably spent somewhere like 10 hours making this thing. Then i finally get it finished, and i try to convert it into a format so normal computers can read it. It honestly took near 7 hours. I dunno why, so once it was finally finished i was excited and i pressed play....................there was no SOUND!!!!!! wow, i can say i was a little pissed. Okay, get it, bad mood i was in. So, i decided i was fat, and i wanted to run. I seriously spent more time syching myself into a running state of mind.

So, would you like to know what i did? Well, first i put on plenty of nerdy looking jogging clothes. Then i got my phone and wireless headphones. Then i went into the garage, and played some music to PUMP ME UP! I did some stretches so i wouldn't pull any muscles. I was totally ready. I even did 5 laps in my back yard. Ohhhh boy it was really something! So, once i felt i was stretched and hydrated, i started jogging on the sidewalk in my neighborhood. I am not fit. Prolly even a little fat. I am going to keep doing this though. Some form of exercise. I don't smoke pot, I don't drink, not even cig's. I need to lose the gut, then i will be a sexy maniac. I'm sure of it. Wish me luck(no heart attacks).

M/S Update

Today i got a packete from the NTAF(National Transplant Assistance Fund) It is an organization that pretty much backs people trying to raise money for a transplant(ME). It is good, because when i go to someone and tell them my whole speal, instead of me saying uhhh yea write that check out to me, i can say "all checks payable to bla bla bla" get it? It's very good. Also, i started working on a letter to Mark Sauder(congressional represenatitive) The letter to him pretty much says.........hey give me money, or hey make my insurance company give me money.

This is all great to me. I like making money, now i can use all those hustling skills i have aquired over the years for something productive. Possibly even life saving. "knock on wood"

A POEM

I have been looking for this poem for a while now. The poem is titled "I AM" I remember it very well. I wrote it in Mr. Artherhults English class. It meant a lot to me at the time I wrote it. Anyways, enjoy. It is dated 08/03

I AM

I AM changed and I am different, but will anyone ever know?

I WONDER when I sleep at night if what I do will show.

I HEAR the people all around; they shout his name without a care.

I SEE them hurting way down deep their pain is much to bare. Can I stand up and preach your love and tell them my God is there?

I AM changed and I am different, but will anyone ever know?

I PRETEND to act like I am someone i'm not, you always let me see, how foolish I am, and how selfish I act, and bring me to my knees.

I FEEL your loving presence and I strive to be like you.

When I pray I TOUCH your hand, and feel your love is true.

I WORRY they won't hear the truth and I know what I must do.

I CRY for the wicked that hate you and I want to bring them through, the never-ending tunnel, which Satan brought them to.

I AM changed and I am different, but will anyone ever know?

I UNDERSTAND the Bible and I know it teaches truth.

I SAY I love the Lord, my God, but am I living proof?

I DREAM of your Heaven, and can hardly wait to walk down the street's of gold.

I TRY to be a witness, but sometimes i'm just not that bold.

I HOPE I share with all who must be told, for everyone can have his grace, men and women, young and old.

I AM changed and I am different, but will anyone ever know?

today was much better

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBC_KNI7qv0 This is rigidly funny!

Okay, so after I was done feeling bad for myself last night, I fell asleep and stayed asleep until 2:00 p.m. today. Lemme tell you, it felt great. All today, I was in high spirits, and I dunno, I felt content with waiting. Waiting for snow so I can work. (snow removal) Waiting for a Stem cell transplant, so I can live a normal life. And waiting for someone to come into my life who likes what they see, and wants to be my life companion. (girlfriend)

Seriously, I was very content today. It's really easy to do too. The first and most important step you have to take is pray. After you pray, you have to trust that he will provide. I think that is the hardest part, and the step most people struggle with. I think people, excuse me, Christians can pray with some what ease. It's when we have to trust that God will provide that strikes as a huge task. I think the mindset goes as follows..... "Okay I am unhappy, the bible tells me to pray, ok I will do what the bible says, because the pastor at church says so." And I think for most people that is enough. Well, I pray now, and know God will answere. He always does, definitely not on my time schedule. But he always provides. Therefore, I wait. I don't wait with a really anxious feeling of discontent. I wait knowing that my God is much much bigger than my worldly issues. If I believe in my heart that Christ parted the Red Sea. Then of course I will, “with out a doubt” believe he will take care of my anxious mind. It’s like that.

There is nothing wrong with feeling down once in a while.
That is a part of sin.
And sin is a part of life.

Figuered it out!!!

Got IT!!! i figuered out what can bring me out of the slums i have been struggling in lately. I was watching a t.v. show on the history channel about Revelations, or the end of times. I just thought about how absloutly amazing HEAVEN is going to be. WOW, that one cheers me right up, almost makes me excited. That alone is some serious motovation to........well to be a disciple of Christ. Great, i am lovin it. ;+)

Gimme a break

Okay, i did not like today. To be perfectly honest i am feeling really down. It's like my whole life is on "pause" for this Stem-Cell transplant. I was almost gettin a lil depressed. It's like this. If i had my way I would definately not be living with my parents in Fort Wayne. Now, i am treated like a king in this house, i have everything i could ever want, and then some. But you know the old saying, "home is where the heart is?" Well, my heart is not here. My heart isn't even in this state. I need to be on my own, i need to experience life at my own pace. I got pretty down today, not like scary depressed, like I wanna go smoke a joint kinda feeling. As soon as i felt that urge, i prayed. It worked, but i still don't want to be here. Pretty much i am just having a pitty party. Who knows what God has in sotore for me. I mean really, i know it will be crazy. It always is. He never lets me down. ;+)