Halloween '09

The day started off with some lame homework time. And no, I am not naked, it is just a strange angle I suppose. I had a whole lot of reading and writing to do, in preparation for my next Religion & Culture class. When the time came near though, I went out to see my best friend Jared. To celebrate his B-Day. He is not 23 until tomorrow, but today was the day chosen to celebrate it.

There is the Birth Day boy!It was a really big bon fire, and lemme tell you. Those things get HOTT! After I stayed and hung out for a bit, I had the opportunity to go to a costume party thrown by my friend Ben. It was a bunch of people from Campus Crusades. It was super fun. So much dancing, and most of the time I got my "crazy" on. It was very difficult though. I saw several couples dancing and enjoying each other. And, well, while I danced amidst the ladies. . . . I wanted my lady. It made me miss her fiercely. It sucks. Being so far away is the hardest thing I have ever done relationally. For Janice, I would do it again in a heart beat. I can tell you that the only thing that makes it not suck so bad, is the fact that I know I have one amazing woman waiting for me in California. Only 49 more days to go!!! Some of my favorite times at a party are when things calm down enough for some really good conversation among friends to take place. I live for those moments. I want my Janice though. 49 more days, 49 more days, 49 more days. . . . . .

leaves, video, lamda lamda lamda

The lamda, lamda, lamda has nothing to do with my day today. BUT, the leaves and video most definitely do. I went to Geology class, and then I ended up going to Kelly Chevrolet to get an oil change for the Camry. . . my new car. That is still strange for me to say. It is a nice car compared to what I am use to driving. Kelly Chevy has a good oil change for exactly $14.95, it is a really good deal.

After doing some of this and very little of that. I went to Snider and hung out with kids as they left the school. Then, I went over to Austin's house and we started raking leaves. . . in the rain, but we got um done. Skyler ended up coming over pretty quick, and the job went a lot faster.

Also, there was some really great conversation. I love me some good conversation.

After the raking was done, well we went to go to some filming all over Fort Wayne. It was amazing.

I took this picture when we were on a bus, filming part of the video we were making. We had a lot of fun. Yes we did. It was a good day today. I miss Janice like crazy. 50 days until I get to see her. 50 days can not come soon enough. I love that girl. I do indeed.

trusting

I am trying to listen, I know I don't allow things to be simple. I can only do what I know though. Right? Should I ignore what I know? Should trust happen on Earth even when it makes no sense? If you have nothing to lose, but the posibility of gaining something, why wouldn't you want to try. What is trust? The Oxford Dictionary defines it as such. . . "1.) a firm belief in the reliability of a person or thing. 2.) the state of being relied on. 3.) a thing or person committed to one's care." Okay, so if by definition you are deciding to trust someone, is it really trust if you only trust partially? If you trust only when it is comfortable, is that really trust?? Maybe it is better to express that you don't trust, than to trust only partially. These are of course my ramblings at early stage. I will put some more thoughts into it.

-Grace&Peace

Costume craziness

Hey Hey Hey!!!

So chickety check this out. At Young Life tonight, we had a good'ole costume party. Now, I do not want to disappoint you, so I am going to start off the first picture with ME of course.

Now I like this picture of me for several reasons. First, the flowers in the lower left hand corner are a nice touch. Secondly the back ground picture is stunning. And just the presence of my posture is amazing. The one thing that I don't like about the picture is that it does not do justice to my hair.My hair did look similar to this, but this was not the final product. It had so much gell in it. Like unstable amounts of gell. It was really good though. I had so much fun, I know the kids sure did. It was just a really good time. You have to believe me when I tell you that the atmosphere at CLUB is just so extremely inviting and real. There is nothing fake about how club is presented, and there is especially nothing fake about the people who go to it, kids or leaders. And that is just a really cool thing to be able to say. There were great costumes, but even better fellowship. Kids just linger behind, and that just allows me to believe we are in a place that is really healthy. A safe environment where kids feel comfortable, and most importantly the message of Christ and everything he offers is presented in an understandable fashion. I love everything about it.

Ya know what else I love? Janice Hernandez. I did something really neat for her at work this morning. . . but I can't tell what that is. ;o) I'll know if she read this post if I get a text message asking me what I did tomorrow.

Night ya'll!

car took a crap

My car took a crap on me today. No, it did not literally defecate on me, but it might as well have. The clutch is done, and the right front wheel is doing something very not good. So, I did make it to Bible study (BSF) in 2nd gear, and I then I made it home. I do not think it is moving anywhere after that. This is the part that get's me.

immediately my dad starts thinking of what "we" are gonna do about it; he knows about all the responsibilities I have. This is how awesome my parents are. My dad says to me, "Well, I guess it makes sense that we start looking for a new car for your mom, then we will just give you the Camry." I tell him that it makes me feel really low that I am so completely reliant on him at 22 years of age. He just sort of paused for a moment, then looked at me and said, "Wouldn't you do it for your kid?" I guess I would. I guess I should just graciously accept the gift that my parents keep on giving me. God put me in their lives for a reason. Literally he did. I'm going to continue not stressing, and just keep doing what has to be done.

~~Thank you Father for my parents. I am so grateful that you have placed them in my life. God I trust in you, and know that everything happens for a very specific reason. God increase my faith, I am tired of trying to lean on my own understanding. I want to wildly trust in you. Thank you for your message today, forgive me for falling short. Help me to keep my eyes on you in everything I do. Be with Janice, comfort her, and help her to stay on track with everything she needs to accomplish. You are my everything, and I worship you. I ask and pray all these things in your Son's Holy and precious name. AMEN.~~

needles

So, after I got home from church. I had my dad look at my car. I believe the clutch or transmission, and possibly some bar holding or directing the right front tire is not good. . . my car needs some love. Not gonna stress out about it, just gonna trust God with it. Because ultimately, no matter how much I do not want to be reliant on my parents, well I still am. So, things will work out. After he "scoped" the car, I went inside to get started on my BSF, and then he just vanished. I saw him go out back, but didn't know what for. When I finished, he was on the roof with a big broom sweeping of pine needles. I asked him, "Do you feel safe up there?" To which he replied, "NO." I said to him, "Well, why don't you come down and then I will go get changed; we can switch places." Then he corrected me and said, "Why don't you go get changed and then once you are back out here I will come down." That is what I did, and I finished the job for him. I also cleaned the sky lights. Roof and sky light windows are looking real good.

Then I made a little something for Janice. Check it out.

3 hours of Spanish then some hockey

I went to the computer lab at school today, and studied Spanish for 3 straight hours. Nothing but online homework, flash cards, and reading. It was not fun, but I could tell I was learning. I swear I could feel my brain enlarging. . . I swear I could. Then, around 7 I picked up Austin and Skyler. We went out to a Snider hockey game. It was pretty fun, mostly because we made it fun. Then we went to a cemetery. It was on the way home, and we were trying to see if we could "spook" ourselves. Well, I scared the crud out of Austin, so I would say it was a successful mission. ;-) It was a good day.

cookies and the CLUB

Okay, so as soon as Snider got out of school, I picked up my buddy Austin. We went back to my parents house and started making COOKIES! Yes, we made massive amounts of chocolate chip cookies.

We had a lot of fun. I mean, seriously I didn't even plan on having that much fun, but it just happened naturally. Once we had almost completed the cookie dough mix, Skyler (Austin's friend) showed up. He sort of got lost on his way over. But, he arrived and all was well. Yes, many many cookies. Our plan was to take them to the football game, and pass them out. And that is exactly what we did. The kids loved them. AND, I got to meet another hand full of new kids. It is good to familiarize my face with something consistent at Snider. It is really good stuff.

The night ended with me feeling again, that I was supposed to go to the biggest CLUB in Fort Wayne, and read the word of God. So, I went there. And I got really scared. I sat in my car and prayed and tried to figure out what I was doing. Finally, I said, "I know you want me here God, help me." I started walking around the club, praying and asking what I was to do. Finally, my friend Matt showed up, and sort of took me under his wing. It was amazing, and I realized then that I was not supposed to stand there and read the word to people. Rather, I was to be there for them and talk with them. I would start out the conversation for example saying, "excuse me, can I ask you a question?" "If you died tonight, do you know where your salvation lies?" It was amazing what it lead to. Really amazing. People need something. And darn it, they will find it.

it's nothing, really. . .

This is the spot I go to at Snider on Tuesday or Thursday mornings. Sometimes both. I got and hold the doors for the kids as they walk into school. Me and another leader named Ben. I love going with him, and I love even more to interact with him. I know God has me in this position with Young Life. I love what He is doing with and through me. When I say "position" I mean Student Staff. That is my official title with Young Life. There comes frustration with that position though. But. . . . . the issue with that all comes down to trust. It really does, and I have to deal with that. . . . . Okay, moving on now. The TREE's! Indiana is so beautiful this time of year. I mean, I can literally stare at a maple or any other beautiful tree for extended periods of time. Just staring and staring at their beauty. I was walking on campus today. I saw a fellow university student holding a rather large maple leaf in her hand. It was golden orange. She was just standing perfectly still staring closely at the lines in the leaf. I smiled at her and said, "the beauty kind of get's you huh?" She just kind of smiled and nodded at me as I walked past.

I am just going to try to go to bed after HOUSE. I really hope I can sleep well tonight. I have been working out at the YMCA a lot lately. It is not working. I have so many thoughts going through my head at night, I think that is what is keeping me up. I sure hope it is not the M/S. That is a silly thought though. That would mean I would actually have something serious to fret about.

tickets & talk

Today I bought my tickets to go out to see Janice in California for Christmas and New Years. It is going to be an amazing experience, one that I am going to have to be very careful about. But, I am so excited.

My mom and I talked this evening about it. We talked about the topics that are going to be very difficult for Janice and I. We talked about how purity is going to have to be essential, something that Janice and I are completely aware of, BUT, my mom and I talked about the specific things that must happen and not happen. In order for me to fully respect Janice and Christ in our relationship. I must make some big decisions, even if it may seem a little bit "overdone." I am going to have to be dedicated to doing whatever it takes to do what is best for our relationship. And that is that. Time to put my actions where my heart is (similar to putting money where mouth is). I want to glorify Christ in everything that I do. ESPECIALLY in my relationship with Janice.

dessert night & style

We had dessert night tonight. I also got some style. Hopefully I will have time in the near future to tell you about both of those activities. But for now, I am just going to go to sleep.

-Grace&Peace

FOOTBALL

Dave talked about Proverbs 3:5-6 today. A verse I would say I am extremely familiar with. But, today we talked about it in a different way. In a way that made me look at it and myself differently. Lean not on my own understanding is far deeper than I knew it to be before. Or maybe even deeper than I want it to be, because it means I need to go deeper both internally and in my own understanding, or acceptance of not understanding. I have been thinking about it all day, and will probably continue to do so.

Now, I am not competitive, or good at sports, but this morning at church I was invited to go play some 2-hand tap with some guys I knew from high school. I agreed, and when I finished meeting up with the guys from my Applied Leadership class, I drove out past Grabill (far away) and played some football with the boy. It was a lot of fun, and while it probably did not help my lower back, I wouldn't have traded it for anything. The guys were genuine, and I had a really good time. Now I dropped the ball more times than catching it, but when it mattered, I CAME THROUGH! I was the one who caught the ball after the game was tied up, and I was at the right place at the right time. It felt good, even though I acted like it was no big deal.

There was a leader meeting then at 5:00, it was real good, and inspirational as always. And eventually a Bible study with the Young Life guys.

zombies & God

I had promised a YL kid that I would hang out with him today. I first went to the library and worked on a power point and part of a paper that our group has to turn in. I worked and worked on that thing. Then, it was time to go hang out with Austin. Austin is a neat kid who is really enjoying CLUB. So, I thought about what we should do, then I thought about the "fall back idea," and decided to take him to a movie. We went and saw Zombieland. At first, one might think, "well that is not an approperiate movie for a young Christian man to take a kid to see. I say, "it was pretty cool, and we had great conversation." After the movie, I had it put on my heart to go to the mall, and seek out where happiness comes from.

Austin had found a piano, and continued to play it. He knows the beginning of several songs, and starts them out quite well. It was fun to hear him, and to watch peoples reactions. So, after the piano we continued to explore the mall for happiness. We finally got to an area with a lot of mattresses. A lady walked by me, and I swear God told me, "That's the one." So I just said to her in passing, "Well, you sure do look happy." She just smiled and said, "thank you." Then I turned to her and said, "and why is that?" Austin picked up right away and said to her, "yeah, if you don't mind us asking, why are you happy, what brings you happiness?" She said to us both, "do you really want to know?" Austin said, "Yes." She said, without hesitation, "Well, I have Jesus Christ in my heart, and I know my salvation belongs to Him. That brings me a lot of Joy." I just stood there and smiled. I wondered if Austin thought that I had paid her to say that. But I don't think he did. ;-) Sometimes when God prompts you to do something, you can't argue with him. Even if it doesn't make sense, and you see no redeeming value in it, if God is telling you, prompting you, or moving you in some other way to do or act on something. You just have to listen, and let Him take care of the rest. I sure am glad I got to hang out with Austin today. I had a real good time.

2 Timothy 4:2

A lot flowing through this mind

Today was packed, it really was. I woke up around 8AM. I got something to eat, then laid on the couch, and I think I passed out till 9:15 where I woke up, washed face, and headed to class. Geology was okay, Glaciers are actually pretty interesting, I am actually going to be able to take the content of this class and apply it to real life. But anyways, I don't want to talk about class anymore. There are much more important things to talk about. Like SWIMMING. Okay, look at this picture of a man swimming, then just think about swimming, then read what else I have to say.

I have been running a lot at the YMCA as of late. I sort of like the running for some sick reason. BUT, it has been really hurting my lower back. I have the completely wrong shoes, and no money to buy running shoes. So, when I ran into my friend James the other day at the Y, he told me that I should swim until I get the whole shoes/running thing figured out. And that is exactly what I did. I swam, and I sucked at it. It is a lot harder to swim laps than I ever thought it would/could be. I talked to a guy in the hot tub. Conversation started off slow, then it lead to God. It is funny how that seems to always happen to me. . . Then, when I got into the Sauna (i'm becoming a sauna addict) I talked to another guy about my walk, life, testimony, etc. It seems that people really want to be able to discuss this whole "eternal significance" topic, but are usually too afraid to approach the subject on their own. Just something I have been noticing.

After I left the YMCA, I went directly to Maplewood, where I would be doing childcare from 3-6. I got there early, like maybe 2:00, so I did my BSF and then talked with Janice a bit. Janice is doing BSF in California, and it is so amazingly good that we can talk about it. She is so smart. I am constantly taken by her depth. Usually the pretty ones don't go very deep, but with Janice, you get the amazing physical traits as well as the amazing Spiritual, personal, AND emotional. I am constantly amazed at the woman God has given me.

While I was at work, I got a text message from Nick asking if I wanted to go see Where the Wild Things Are. Of course I did, so then I headed over to Nick's house, and I took Nick and Jaccob to the theater. We all had a good time, then I took them out for pizza. Great movie, awesome pizza, and even better conversation. Ya see, Jaccob is living with Nick, and after we stopped by his house, I understand now. I understand why he had to get away from his home. I really respect that kid. 19 years old, and trying so hard to make a difference in his life. He and Nick are going to church with me again too on Sunday. That's good too. Really good.

There is another kid from Snider who I get the chance to hang out with tomorrow. That will be sweet, and God has totally done everything there to make it happen.

And one last thing. This may sound strange, but God keeps putting it on my heart. I'm just going to say it. I keep having it put on my heart to read scripture. Not to myself, but to just plant myself in a place, and read scripture out loud. The places where I keep getting convicted the most are at bars and clubs. . . . This is a very strange feeling to me, mostly because I never understood why people did that. I always had such a jaded view towards people who did that, and I guess I never fully understood their reasoning, or what it actually accomplished. I have a friend who would do it with me though, so I think it might be time to give him a call. It's true though, I know I am being convicted of it. It has been happening for a couple of weeks now. And I do not want to ignore something like that.

What a good day. G'NIGHT!!

FALL BREAK DAY # 2

I woke up early today. My alarm was set for 5AM! This is super early for me. The thing that bothered me was not the fact of my early morning, it was the fact that I had a restless night. I woke up at 1AM and thought it was time to go. When I looked at my phone, I couldn't hardly believe I had 4 more hours before it was officially time for me to get up. Those four hours were full of me thinking, praying, and thinking about Janice. So, I guess it was not too bad. I thought I was going to sleep really well. Right before I went to bed, Janice and I had some amazing conversation that really left me feeling extremely confident about "us," and I was internally at peace. I can't explain why I didn't sleep well, but I didn't. Finally, it really was time to go, and I GOT! I had showered the night before, so I just ate some cheerioes and headed out. I got some GA$ and made the treck all the way on the South side of town, near the airport. It was a good 30 minute drive. When I arrived at the elementary school I would be subbing at, I had to first get into the building. Since I did not have an electronic key fuab, or whatever they are called, the lady (very sick lady) I was subbing for met me there at 6:15AM to let me in. I got there a little bit early, so I took a picture of what it was like. It was very eerie. For sure a Fall morning. Check out the picture below.

When I got into the school, I had a few minutes to prepare the paperwork, get games out, and a few other things. (Maplewood Elementary)

This is the most organized childcare I have ever experienced. The lady who runs this is really good at what she does. The kids behavior shows just that too. You run a tight ship, and the kids will respond accordingly (for the most part, there are exceptions of course).

Once the kids' school started, I figured, "Well, since I am out by the airport, I might as well head over there and read my BSF notes for the week." It was a good decision, and I felt closer to Janice while I was going through the notes. I directly relate airplanes with Janice. I get a certain comfort from them now a days. I got to see 2 landings, and 1 take off. Nothing compared to some of the major airports, but for Fort Wayne, I suppose it is not too shabby. The notes were extremely good. I applied so much of them directly to my life, and I love it when the Holy Spirit challengs me. It is a good challenge.

(Indian Village)

The kid pictured above was so cute,

he asked me if I wanted to hear a song,

I of course said "yes." So, he sang me the

"I CAN COUNT TO 100 BY TEN's SONG!"

he he he

At 3pm, I went to a new Elementary School. It was Indian Village this time. Again, I was lucky because the kids were great. I just got to have fun with them, and all was hunky dorie.

The day ended with me going to the YMCA to work out. I love God, Janice, my Parents, George, and the fact that my car is still running the most today. These are the things that I am most thankful for on this specific day. :-)

Today's post will be short and sweet. I am not even going to title it. I am acutally on "FALL BREAK," but instead of breaking. . . I had a meeting, worked, and went to BSF. I am doing childcare at Maplewood Elementary which is way way way out on the South side of town. I am working there tomorrow morning, which means I will have to leave my house by 5:30AM in order to get gas and get there on time. WOW THAT IS EARLY FOR ME! I am not complaining, simply stating.

BSF was extremely good for my soul tonight. It is good when I am reminded in a big way that God is in control, even when I think he is not. My Spanish Mid-Term is coming up. . . and that scares the crap out of me. Ieeeeee!

G'Night readers.

Bible Study = shaved head

Today was a good day. I need to make mention of something I messed up on yesterday. Someone I love dearly here in Fort Wayne, well I was involved in a "difficult" situation and I made it worse because I was un-willing to let go of my pride and love in all situations, no matter how uncomfortable they make me. I know I am ONLY HUMAN, but I need to be able to rise above and love wildly regardless of anything that comes into play. I want to get to that point. So badly.

Back to the day, the SUN-DAY. There was no actual sun that I can remember. But anyways, Dave Church was good, but it is not growing. What is God doing? I don't know, I am just going to keep doing what I can do though and be consistent. This is Tim. Tim has been coming to Bible Study and he is a real good guy. I was able to talk him into letting me shave his head. . . . Do you like it? He is going to wear his hair like this to school all week. I'm okay with that. :o)

Hey Janice, you should let me style your hair when I come to Cali this winter break. :o) Love you miss!!

F-O-U-R S-Q-U-A-R-E PARTY!!!

I have been reading this book a lot! I had to read it for my Applied Leadership class, and then write a review over it as well as answer some key questions. It took forever, but I got it done, and should be studying Spanish. . . more. The poem below was actually in this Leadership/management book. I liked it a lot. So I will share it with you.

An old man, going a lone highway,
Came at the evening, cold and gray,
To chasm, vast and deep and wide,
Though which was flowing a sullen tide.
The old man crossed in the twilight dim;
The sullen stream had no fears for him;
But he turned when safe on the other side,
And built a bridge to span the tide.

I will update later, but for now just enjoy this poem. . .

"Old man," said a fellow pilgrin near,
"You are wasting strength with building here;
Your journey will end with the ending day;
You never again must pass this way;
You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide--
Why build you thr bridge at the enentide?"
The builder lifted his old gray head:

"Good friend, in the path I have come." he said,
"There followeth after me today
A youth whose feet must pass this way.
This chasm that has been naught to me
To that fair-haired youth may a pit-fall be,
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building the bridge for him."

Then I headed to the Four Square party. One of the leaders has a really amazing 4 square set up in his garage. He has had a couple of these before. THEY ARE ALWAYS A HIT!! P.S. It is not Box Ball, it is Four Square. Box Ball is something entirely different. :o) Thanks Janice.

I wish this picture was better quality, but it is not. I wish I had more, but I do not. There was a bon fire, foose ball, music, frisbee golf, and awesome other things. It was so good to be with the kids. But what was even better was I got to spend 11:30PM-1:30AM just talking with Sam and his brother Ben. Sam is the leader who lives at this house, and ben is his brother. . . obviously because I already said that. It was amazing fellowship, and I am so blessed to have gotten to spend that time with them. It meant a lot to me, and I want more of that. FELLOWSHIP IS IMPORTANT TO ME!

A day worth noticing.

I went to school. It was extremely wet and rainy. Indiana weather sucks. . . . I wonder what it was like in L.A. today. . . . . Anyways, after I got out of Geology which by the way I got an 80% on my second exam. . . I know I could have done better. Well, after class I had to go and do an interview with a fellow class mate for my Applied Leadership class. Here is the lady who Dean (fellow class mate) and I interviewed. Judy was her name, and she was one of Dean's past bosses. I know that is a bad picture, but I was trying to be undercover when I took it so I had to settle for a picture that was not up close and personal.

After that interview, which by the way was actually pretty fun. It was fun to be asking the important questions. And Judy was very professional about answering them.

Then I went over to my friend Wes's house. I use to go to Wes's house all the time when I was younger. It was not this house, it was a different house at the time. But, still the same feel. I thought this was a funny picture because Wes was rocking out with his younger, although not youngest brother Christ on some Beatles guitar hero. One of the real reasons Wes wanted to invite me over was to introduce me to his two new dogs. Two new 4 month old bull dogs. Pretty frickin cute! Then we went off and got some coffee. Well, I got some hot cider, I think Wes got the coffee. I don't know why Wes had such a goofey look when I took this picture. But we had some real good conversation about life and God and what have you. He is going to look into BSF too because he has a lot of time on his hands. Long day tomorrow. I have to go to sleep.

I also had a very good conversation with my friend Mike Gann from Arizona. We talked about life and this and that, and Janice, and Kaitlyn (his g/f) and God, and that, and this and I love conversation. I love it a whole lot. More than conversation, well I really like HONESTY! Darn do I like honesty.

I want slow easy to hit pitches

I had a mini-discussion today about life being compared to a pitch. More or less the activity required once the ball is thrown and your interaction with it. Now, at times life (the pitcher) throws you a pitch that is fast, and off target. Heck, sometimes it may veer off target and even hit you in the groin. But we like it when we get nice slow pitches. Ya know, a beautiful day with family at the park where everyone gets along and enjoys each other's company. These are the pitches we "metaphorically" hit out of the park, and consider the day/week/month a good month. But what happens when we do get a crappy pitch? I had to ask myself this question tonight. How do I react to crappy pitches? Do I get up quickly, realize that the pitcher isn't perfect, and try my best to swing again? Or, do I moan and sulk, and make things worse for myself? Humm, the challenge has been set fourth. I know what my goal is. Attaining it is the hard part.

I WOULD BE OKAY LOOKING LIKE THIS GUY

I studied Ser & Estar for like 1.5 hours straight at the library. This shouldn't be that hard. WHY IS SPANISH SO HARD FOR ME? I want to learn it, I want to be able to remember things. But, for whatever reason, I can not remember even the simple things. I wish I knew how to study this stuff. Flash cards. . . no. Online quizing. . . no I am running out of ideas. I found this picture today. I really liked it. So, naturally I wanted to share it with you. Enjoy it, hate it, or feel nothing about it. But do please look at it.

I slept for 11 hours last night. I went to bed at 10pm and did not wake up until 9:00am. Let me tell you, I couldn't believe my body let me sleep that long. BUT, I felt so good. I never sleep like that. My body must have really needed it. Speaking of sleep. I think I will get some right now.

God is good. So good. Even when life nails you in the groin with a fast ball.

stupid decision Matt. . .

Today was a real good day. There were, at times some self control issues, but all in all it was gooood. Matt (my cousin) moved out today. He got a mobile home next to his dumbass friend Richie. This is something difficult for me to swallow. He has come so far, and I can see he is more than ready to screw everything up. Not only is he ready, but he is well on his way. Makes me about sick. He didn't even have enough respect to say goodbye to me or talk to me like I had asked him too. I'm so angry, it's just not good.

But Janice is amazing, and she said she liked BSF pretty good. That excites me a whole lot.

I know God is still in control of Matt's situation. . . .I can't get over this bitterness. I do not have much Grace for the guy. . . . . i'm going to bed.

-Grace&Peace

great day, weather was icky, but what a great day.

I was up pretty early to get to Snider High School by 7:15AM. Ben (fellow YL leader) and I met up to deliever donuts and welcome students to school this morning as they walked to class. It is a great opportunity for them to become familiar with our faces, and to attempt to show them that we care. I think that consistency will really pay off with this specific venture. My method is to say good morning as much as possible, and when approperiate, attempt to make them laugh with whatever method possible. It works pretty good to get smiles. I just want them to know that I care about them, and am willing to do whatever it takes for them to know someone really does care about them.

After their bell rang, I headed off to IPFW (Indiand University Purdue University Fort Wayne), my school and went straight to the top of the parking garage.

For whatever reason, I love to study up here. It is one of my, if not my favorite place to be with God. I had my car warm up a bit, then I just shut it off and read.

As soon as I got done with my lesson, I went right to the library. Read, studied, learned, etc. Then I went to class at noon. Class sucked, i'm not gonna lie. I am not a huge fan of this semesters classes. I feel no redeeming value in them. There is a redeeming value in Spanish, it is closely tied to Janice and her family. But, other than that. . . not much.

The night ended with me going to Campus Crusades (university ministry). My friend and fellow Young Life leader Val was giving the talk tonight. I wanted to support her.

In the picture above is Val giving her talk. She did a real good job. It was about spreading the love and joy of Christ. After, I went to the 24/7 study lab and studied till about 11:30pm. . . it is super late, I am not tired, but I need to try to go to bed. I have an exam in Geology, and although I feel like I should be prepared, I do not feel entirely prepared. . . . We will see what happens.

All I know is God and Janice love me.

Today was a good experience. I got to hangout with my new friend Jonathon. Well... turns "Daryl" is a lot better than me at bowling. I'm glad to see that trust is coming out in our relationship. He's a neat kid and I look forward to hanging out with him again.

I had "my" first official YL meeting today. These are always inspirational for me because I know others are struggling through the same issues as me with kids. It is so healthy to be in a community that understands. I find real freedom in that. Just to be able to know and relate to others that are going through the same or similar situations as you is a very power tool to have under your belt.
Tonight's bible study with the guys felt really good. It felt good because I know God is doing a work in them even if they don't see it. It's encouraging to see how they react, the questions they ask, and the mind frame they take. Today was a good day.

I watched Gray's Anatomy with Janice today. This is the first time I've ever watched a full episode. I have to admit, I really liked it. It was hard though, hearing her reactions and not feel the body to react with them. I miss Janice a lot. She's so good to me, her love is real, although I can't physically feel her she makes her love known in special ways. :)

i've got a post for ya

Now hear this. My day started off with some good stuff. I mean some really good stuff. Reconciliation was my aim, and that was exactly what I got. I have allowed this figurative wall of space, time, distance, emotional separation, and ego get in the way of me loving my friend Tom (different Tom than yesterday). To make a long story short, I texted Tom mid week seeking to meet up with him and set things back on the right path with our relationship. We met this morning, and that is exactly what happened. It felt so good just to sit with him and talk. About life, God, people, etc.

This was supposed to be a candid photo, but the flash went off, and Tom caught me. I was not very "James Bond" with that move. Well, I stayed in the coffee house and did my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). There was a lady who kept giving me a very odd look. She was probably in her early 40's, and I believe she was there for a book club. But, the whole time I was in there she kept giving me this look. I didn't know how to take it. I would have said something, but she left before I had the chance. Just one of those odd things in life I suppose. I really love my BSF time of study. It is honestly the only thing that I really enjoy studying, or feel is of any real worth. Everything else is just something I have to do to prove a point for the sake of education. . . it sucks, but I am slowly accepting it. Except for Spanish. Spanish will be the death of me I swear it!

Guess who I ran into after I left the coffee house? Jared (best friend), Dan, & Nicky! It was so good to see them. Apparently there was a big video game sale at a video game place that was going out of business. I hung out with them for a bit, and we had several good laughs.

Finally I made it to the library. I read, and read and read for hours. I took notes, made flash cards, and just studied my butt off. Mostly without any large distractions. Janice had a crazy day of school from very early to very late, then work for many many hours. So, I couldn't allow for her to be my distraction (which was good and bad). So I worked, and worked. You would think I got a lot accomplished right? Well, for whatever reason, I don't feel that way.

Wow, ya know what I am thinking? I am thinking that PURITY is a very difficult thing. I mean purity in all things. Purity in spirituality, in my relationship with Janice, in how I view others; think of them, talk to them, treat them. Purity in work in school, in self-esteem. Purity needs to be in all aspects of life, but it is very difficult to keep all that in focus at times. I won't stop trying though. Never.