last supper

At campus crusades we re-created the last supper. It was pretty cool. It was long, but Tuesdays are real long anyways so it's all good. I'm trying real hard to love people right where they're at. yup yup.

My notes from BSF, right out of my note pad

Oneness In Christ

John 17:6-26

• These verses, especially when Jesus prays for us, his believers; shows how amazingly much God cares for us (his believers/followers).

[Why has God valued me @ such a high price?]

- This is one of the mysteries of God's grace

vs. 16-19 He isn't taking us out of the world, because the only way we grow is when our faith increases. In reality, this doesn't happen during "easy times."

• What am I willing to give up for those God has given me to impact for Christ? He gave up his only son. Really, what am I willing to give up?

AP (Application Principle) Christ's disciples are one in Christ, and set apart for his purpose and glory revealing his truth that which was given by the father for us.

?AQ? (Application Question) How does anyone know that I belong to Christ?

AP The truth of gospel & loving sacrifice are to be observable in Christ's disciples (me).

{Why can't we just get along??

Because the world hates believers

because they hated Christ first}

All the glory belongs to you, all the glory belongs to you ohh God!

I love God. I love the 24/7 connection I have with Him. I love the way he loves me. I love the change he has created in me.

Today I did this and that. But I just felt God in a big way. Thats what's up.

Sweet jams today

Awesome concert! Yes, a totally awesome concert. The local museum downtown had a re-grand opening after they did a ton of re-modeling and what not. They also had a bunch of local bands play. In the picture above, you can see a cartoon with a talk bubble. In that talk bubble it says, "These guys make me want to make up dance moves -the white guy" This was submitted by me via text message. Anyone could send in their messages to a whole bunch of random pictures. It was a form of art I suppose, so it was fitting. . . . The music was good, but hanging with my friends was even better. After the show I went over to my friend Kayla's apartment and watched a movie with some peeps. It was also good. Good Good day today. Except for the start of it. I worked on a "GROUP PROJECT" for like 4.5 hours by myself. She (my group member) has not really done anything. I have so much video editing to do. . . . and no partner to help me with anything, because she just doesn't show up. She has really good excuses though.

D&B

Today I went to Dave & Busters in Indianapolis. I went with The Circle (Thursday night Christian group that gets together downtown). Ohh goodness it was so much fun. We met up with The Circle from Indy and played rockband for a while, then we all went over to D&B. It was totally fun & awesome.

Ohh goodness it was fun. I was the only white guy, but it didn't matter. Not for one second. I had a blast and am getting closer and closer with this group. Lovin it.

man of the hour

To the man of the hour @ The Circle. Loving it! Yup Yup, this is Zach Briggs and he is the main leader of The Circle. It was his birthday today and man did we do it right. There was so much good food, "soul food" if you will. There was fried chicken, pizza, mashed potatoes, beans, and so much more. I love this group, and this group loves the Lord. And, to make it even better, he had a guest speaker. They call him Prophet Bird. Here is Prophet Bird. What a great man, and so insightful. I really was impacted by what he had to share. This week the topic was relationships.

I forgot to take in my journal, but I tried to take notes on my phone as best as I could. This is what I got.

• Dating doesn't have to be a guessing game. We need to bring God into every moment of it. Seeking. We need to ask God who we should be dating.
• Another sort of side note Prophet Bird gave was this. "If they aren't seeking you as much as you are them, run from it."

-to go along with that sort of. . . It is unChristian to lead someone on, but it is unChristian to let someone even fall in love you.

- P~Bird also talked about Psychological whores. This is someone who wants people to love them, who wants someone to be all emotionally into them. But, does it to sort of build their ego and things like that. This is very wrong. It is unhealthy.

• It is never okay to break the kingdom rules in order to get what you want in a relationship. NEVER. I forget this all too often.

Prophet Bird was real. I mean very specifically real. He went into details about sexuality that most people wouldn't get close to. But he did it in a way that was so good for us to hear. Tonight was so awesome. Good stuff.

Study day for sure

Dang, today I seriously put some 'extreme' time into my Spanish studies. Now in the basement of one of the buildings on campus there is a computer lab that is all MAC computers. It is usually locked and for some reason, students seem to think that means that it is off limits. When the reality of the situation is simply that no one has asked if they can utilize it. SO, I asked one of the computer lab consultants if he would unlock it for me, which he did. I then went into it and shut the door behind me. I had like 4 hours of this computer lab to myself. I got a lot done and it was grand.

I eventually went to Spanish class and took a QUIZ, and I think I did really good. Lets hope anyways. . . . As soon as class was over, I did NOT go to BSF. I had to finish writing an annotated bibliography for my COM-300 (Communication Research Methods) class. I did that, but it was a late and difficult night. All is well though, and God shining through all things.

:o)

you won't believe it...

Here I am at school working on a Saturday evening, but i'm listening to Bon Iver and actually getting work accomplished. Not only am I getting work done, but i'm having fun doing it. . . . . . wait, fun & school work? Darn right. Self-fulfilling prophecy, or good music, or maybe even just being in a groove. Whatever the reason, it's happening and I like it!

walking dog

took a dog for a walk today.

awesome club sweet hang out time

Today was so good. Can't wait to tell about it. My God is an awesome God. :~)

I liked this so I wanted to share

We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize
it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we can't.

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

This makes so much sense to me. I really can related to this depiction of how God allows us to go through things not to make us suffer, but to prepare us for what we cannot see. For me it serves as a great reminder to keep my thoughts and heart in check during the difficult times.

ughhh

There are things I want to talk about. But, I can't. I can however talk about my inability to help in certain situations. I will be very vague here. When I get close to someone, and I am helping them through some difficult times and they do a lot better for a long time, and then slip up, maybe even slip up bad. I don't handle it well. I actually tend to take it very personally. I don't know why I do this. I was right there in that "slip up" faze for years. I am really critical of people. Did it with my cousin, and I do it with some people I am close with now. I need to figure this out. And no, i'm not talking specifically about Janice, although it would work for her as well. Dang I feel hypocritical. After BSF, I went to hang out with Synda. I hadn't seen her in forever, and it was time to hang out. We had fun while she told me all her 'school blues.' I have to go to bed now though. Tomorrow I am filling in for a childcare position on the other side of Fort Wayne. There is a 1 hr delay though, so maybe it will be worth it. Who knows. I also have a test that I really need to study for. Grrrr. So much to do, so little time. But, the good news is God is so gracious. I feel Him everywhere. He makes life make sense even when it shouldn't. He has conquered everything, therefore I have no reason to fear. . . ANYTHING!

before & after

So, I got my hair cut today. Along with my grizzley beard and what not. I am a clean cut dude, but I would say that there is more meaning behind a simple shave and cut than what meets the eyes.

So today I did in deed cut my hair. Check out what i'm about to say. Maybe you can find a 'connection.' I intentionally started to grow out my hair for good reasons, certainly not wrong reasons. But through time as it got longer and took more and more out of me, I grew tired of it. But, even though I was beginning to grow slightly weary of the hair, I still had grand ideas of what it could be. I thought the hair could make me happy. I thought the hair could fill a part of me that couldn't be filled by anything else. So, as I grew with the hair things would happen. I would wake up one day and find that it was all getting twined together. Mornings became more difficult because I now had to shampoo & condition, as well as use a comb at times. Things were not simple anymore. But, I still loved the hair and desired to have long sweet hair just like I did back in high school. I would catch glimpses of the reality of my hair, but just sort of turn my head away. I would see the issues that my hair was actually causing me, but instead of dealing with them right on the spot, I pretended like they weren't that big of a deal and moved on. After a while this took over. I could only look at the hair for the issues it had brought on me. Knowing deep down that the hair couldn't fix itself, I did what I knew I had to do. I had to cut the hair and start fresh. Even though I had come to a point a couple of months ago where I was about to cut my hair, I didn't really follow thorugh with all my heart. I just sort of half way went through what it was going to take to do such a thing. But now, now there is no turning back. I cut the hair, and things are much clearer. No turning back, in fact, it is time to move forward. And i'm okay with that, even though I still have feelings for my long hair, and in my heart desire long hair. It just wasn't worth the hardships it brought on. The hair could not fix itself. Something has to happen from within. I had to desire for the hair to be changed. Then I had to follow through with the act. I am at peace now.

p.s. I had an amazing campainers with the Young Life guys tonight. God is about to bring some serious healing. BAM!! It is so good to see these guys open up. God is good, even when I am an idiot or forget, God is right there to lovingly remind me and throw down some serious grace. GRACE IS GOOD! GRACE IS GOD!

What a wonderful day, so full of butterflies and marsh mellows and happiness. So much life and radiance came from today. Just rip my face off and put it on a wall of happiness.

Todays mood is. . . . "Go the heck away March, you bring out the seasonal depression in me. I want sun and warmth."

an update finally

I haven't updated since Tuesday. The main reason is that I have been hurt that Mr. Anonymous thinks that I make things up. This has really hurt me. I wouldn't ever, EVER put anything in this BLOG that I don't experience in real truth. That's just how it is. If you don't think that is true, then go the heck away and don't read about my life.

Today I did a lot of running around to do. I had a lot of 'things' to do for Nicky. I got him into something really really good. I can't go into specifics, but God is doing something amazingly good/awesome/radical. It is so cool that God allows me to see his glory at work first hand. Dang am I lucky.

But along with that gift God has given me to see his hand at work first hand comes a sort of weight. A responsibility that others may not experience. I have been sort of sad today, and the past several days. Maybe it is seasonal, maybe it is situational, I dunno. But, I do know that I have been down. I miss Janice, and my feelings for her are still there. Shoot, my love for her is still there. And with that I still know that the decision I made to break away from her was what I needed to do, there is just a lot of confusion and "eesh'ness" there and surrounding that situation.

I'm confused with where God has me. Like, with kids and the people he has in my life and mine in theirs I totally get. BUT, I suppose I struggle with some of the other things. I put so much stress on my parents, especially financially. That sucks, but I dunno. I am ready for the sun and warm to be out again.

The little ones do bring joy

Ohh how I do entertain the little ones. Kids are so much fun to me. I love kids. Gonna have to get me some of my own some day. Ohh yes, fatherhood is something I do look forward to.

Bible Study & George

Okay, so this first picture is of Zach, Austin, & Eli. I hold a Bible study for them on Monday's after school. It was so nice out today, we decided to have it outside at a park. It was still Jacket weather, but ohhh man they are crazy high schoolers. Right now we are going through Romans. Such a cool book. Such an amazing Bible! I love that these guys are so thirsty for it!

funny pic & learning

Today was lazy. Goodness, I accidently slept in through church, but I got to hang out with my dad & watch a real good documentary about a tight rope walker. I also had an amazing YL leader meeting. I also learned a little more of what it means and looks like to love kids right where they're at. I love this business. This kid loving business. It's real good. P.S. this is a picture of fellow friend and Young Life leader Ben. We had campaigners @ his house tonight & I found this pic. of him.

Today I super slept in. I was crazy tired from yesterday. BUT THEN, I get a text message from Austin (back right) asking if I wanted to go see "Save a Life." I didn't know what it was, but I was down. I told him 2 bring friendz if he wanted 2. So me & 3 h/s kids went & saw this movie. It was amazing. So fitting with what we (YL leaders) are trying to teach theese kids.

A journey of epic proportions

I don't know if it was blurry because the movie was in 3D or some other reason. But, I suppose that doesn't matter. What matters is that I got to take Nicky to the I-Max in Noblesville. We saw Alice in Wonderland in I-Max 3D! It was so shibby! But what was even better was the drive home. It was so awesome, I am choosing not to talk about it. God is faithful and in control though. Man is he ever!! I don't know why I am constantly surprised, but am still am. God is so perfectly in control. The ways he orchestrates things so perfectly. I am so thankful he chooses to allow me to see his glory. Truly it amazes me every time. Thank you Abba father for the drive home, thank you for softening hearts and stretching us to new heights.

I really should be be sleeping

Right now it is 11:33P.M. and I just got home from THE CIRCLE!! Whoop Whoop. SO good, but I wanna start from the beginning.

This morning as I drove to class I think. It was so sunny!! Oh my goodness, it was so bright. I could feel the warmth from it while in my car. It was so amazing, I do not remember the last time I felt this.

What next, hummmm ohh I know. How about this amazing and sweet worship time I got to experience. I would say it was like an impromptu worship time. I had just finished an exam. I was walking to another building on campus. THEN, I was talking to a friend about another mutual friend we both dearly care for. After about 45 minutes of conversing, I had another friend come up to me and say, "Hey, you going to the worship time?" I was like, "HUH?" He explained it to me, and so I decided to go check it out. I went to go and check it out, not having any idea what to expect, but down for whatever. Well, it turned out to be an amazing time. The guy on the guitar's name is Chris Lee. He is a man who is very lead by the Spirit. This worship time in this small room was filled with prayer. I found myself face down on the floor worshiping the God I love more than anything else on this earth. There were times of just joyful sounds, times of words, and moans for God. It was amazing and completely lifted my spirit in a big way. I LOVE my Abba Father!!

~~WORTH READING~~

What happened next? Well, so many other things, but for the sake of time and sleep. I will share one. I went to Starbucks, and not just any Starbucks, a location I never go to but was told to choose. The person who told me to choose ended up canceling once I pulled in. I got a bad attitude at the last second and it turned out to be amazing. I pulled into the parking lot, and there was a guy trying to break into his truck. I stopped and started helping. I was directing, pulling the door open (cracking it). And, one thing lead to another. Well, again, long story short he had to pick up his daughter and didn't have time for AAA service to come help him. So, he bashed in the back window. It was a pick up truck, so it was one of those little tiny windows. I am watching this guy struggle something horrible. He was having a bad day. Then, he reaches through the bashed in window. And he couldn't reach the lock. He was so frustrated. And this guy was skinny. So, what happened? Well, he just calmly got out of the back of the truck. He felt foolish for bashing it in and not being able to reach it. He stopped and said, "Ya know what?" I'm gonna go buy you a coffee, and I am going to try to rethink this." I just said in my head, "No way, this is not going down like this." I hopped in the back of his truck, and forced myself through this tiny little window. I am actually very flexible, LOL. I GOT IT UNLOCKED! Hee Hee, I told him to go get his daughter and to have a good day. He looked at me with his jaw on the pavement. He was tired, frustrated, and cold. Now he could move on. He was so happy.

Did God bring me to that Starbucks to help that man? Yeah, I think probably he did. But, maybe it was to teach me a lesson in situational issues. I got a little bit frustrated that my friend was changing plans after I had done my whole evening different just for him. Maybe God was giving this man hope and whatever. I don't know, and it doesn't matter. It was sweet.

Then I went to The Circle. Ohh my goodness it was good. It was about forgiveness. I can't explain it all, but GOD IS SO GOOD PEOPLE!! It was amazing, in the most real and sincere way.

fart time

The tale of the farting professor. . . . Soo funny i'll update when I got's the time. Off to slumber land for me.

TO JANICE

Janice, I threw some thoughts together in an awkward presentation of my feelings and thoughts. It is simply meant to EXPRESS. It was motivated by your thoughts on our conversation and the most recent turn of events between us.

What I expected
And what I got
Did not line up
I chose to stop

The hand was heavy
Expectations high
My heart was right
My patience went dry

Don’t call it a failure
Don’t call it lost time
If we both learn more of ourselves
The end becomes justified

I had more, but this just seems stupid and as I re-read it I feel like an elementary school kid wrote it. I will just say what I am thinking in sentences.

I was making it (our relationship) about me and I wanted it to be a specific way, and when it was not happening, I became extremely disgruntled (inwardly mostly). I didn't bring you in to so much. I won't say that you deserve better, because I really did try. BUT, it doesn't matter what you did or didn't deserve; what happened, happened. I want to be able to make a friendship work. I am willing to change my heart & mind in order to have a friendship that works with you. From this point on, I would like to commit to a friendship. No expectations, no pointing out flaws, just the connection between two individuals who care for each other in a way that can be embraced.