Thursday, August 04, 2016
It's Official We are Parents!
Louisa Jean Riley arrived to us on July 25th at 5:28pm. She weighted 7lbs 5 oz and was 19 3/4" long/ I will spare you the details of birth, although I now understand why Moms will share their story it is pretty fascinating. I mean think about how many months have lead up to this marathon moment. It is rough but amazing. I will be honest I did not enjoy being pregnant but I do understand why moms will promise to never get pregnant again and then immediately after the birth we forget the last 9 months.
Once Louisa took her first breathe and started crying everything in my body relaxed. She was here and her heart handled labor/deliver just fine. Mike and I decided prior to her arrival that if she needed to go to the NICU, Mike would go with Louisa and my mom would come stay with me. The NICU nurses were in the room and ran their initial tests on baby. They decided she would need to go to the NICU to do further testing. I held my little girl for probably 20 seconds and just cried and cried. I was so grateful she was here and was safe. I didn't want to let her go. It hurt my heart to give her back to the nurses.
Often moms will talk to me about their hearts overflowing and bursting with love and joy for their baby and to be honest I didn't feel that way right when she was born. I loved her of course but I think because she was taken away so quickly that I didn't get the chance to really enjoy her. Then my mom walked in the room and the tears wouldn't stop. I was feeling so many things that I couldn't express except through tears. It was confirmed that Louisa had Downs, I just had a baby, I wanted my husband to be next to me, and I wanted my mom. My mom cried too, she was very nervous and glad everyone was okay.
Once I recovered from the Epidural I wanted nothing more than to go to the NICU to see my little girl. The moment I was wheeled into her NICU room tears streamed down my face. I loved her. I am her momma and she is my baby girl. I held her close to my heart and just cried happy tears with Mike crying next to me. Mike and I were both exhausted and starving so we then went back down to our room where Mike's parents and my parent's were waiting for us. We all cried joyful tears together and then Mike and I inhaled a cold chicken meal.
That night Mike and I went up to the NICU at 1:00a and 4:00a to hold and feed our precious baby. We were a bit delusional and I was extremely swollen but it was in this room that we would find ourselves for the next 8 days. The day I was discharged I sobbed. I didn't want to leave Louisa at the hospital. Everyone kept telling me it was for the best and I believed them but it didn't make it any easier to leave her there. Even though it was extremely painful to leave her there I will say the one sense of comfort I found was that every single one of her nurses in the NICU at Central Baptist were the most amazing people I have ever met. I am pretty sure they loved her as much as I do. They spoke so gently to her and cared for her so deeply. It didn't feel like she was just a patient to them. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation I pray with my whole heart that you have the same experience as we did in the NICU.
Tomorrow I will post more about the NICU and why little girl was there for 8 days and our first 24 hours at home.