Saturday, January 16, 2010

You can't live someone elses life

This statement is very true. No matter how much you know something, or no matter how real it is to your self, your person. It does not change anything for another individual. It may impact them, encourage/discourage, or even set a shining example, but the fact of this matter is . . . you can only make your experiences and life situations as real as you allow them to be made in your heart. Because life is hard. Sometimes life is a bitch for seemingly no reason at all. You can cry out and scream, "IT'S NOT FAIR!!" But it doesn't matter, it doesn't change your circumstance or anyone else's circumstance in the least bit. In fact it probably only aggravates both of the cases.

In case you haven't picked up on my verbal cue's yet. I am referring to myself, and some situations I am currently living through. No, it has nothing to do with health care. It has everything to do with. . . . Knowing where you stand, which side of the fence you are on. I am talking about knowing deep within your heart what you want, even though doubt constantly plagues you.It is about knowing that you don't have to be in control, and realizing that surrender is so much more beautiful than pride and keeping things stuffed deep within even though you have stuffed them deep within yourself all your life, because that is what feels normal, and is extremely easy to revert back to.

It has everything to do with understanding that the struggles you face, and the fears that plague you are not unique, in fact to some degree everyone experiences them. And that even though that doesn't really help, it is about accepting the fact that. . . you are not alone in life. That the realization that God is there, and that he loves you so much is enough. And even if it means coming to that realization every single frickin (I wanted to put F******, but didn't) day, well that life is a million times better than going at it by yourself. Nothing is lasting, nothing is loving, everything is fake away from that notion. I am hard pressed to even call that a life. It is more of a death; trying to live on your own. What I am talking about has everything to do with saying SCREW YOU, to the above statement. There is no "realist" when it pertains to God. God doesn't work under our petty human jurisdiction. He rises above it each and every time we allow him to. And lastly, what I am talking about has everything to do with coming to the acceptance that love is the final word. Love is the strongest equation. That even though it looks and appears difficult, messy, and quite frightening, there is no better "stuff" available. That's it. And I feel pretty good about that. :o)

Confused? I'm sorry, because I am not, and I get it, and will continue to get it even though life throws curve balls and takes me out of my comfort zone all the time. That is where I want to live, that is the life I want to walk through. Because ultimately it allows me to experience the most amazing and powerful peace and satisfaction this pathetic, disgusting, vile, sinful, existence allows me to live. Glory be to God in the highest. I want nothing and for him to have everything.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

this was really great to read. i've been having issues these past 5 months and to read this makes me feel like someone else knows this feeling. thanks