Friday, December 04, 2009

What's this, there is no guarantee for the now?

It is a common question between new believers, I get it from my Young Life guys often. "If I give my everything over to God, and truly surrender my life to him, why doesn't my life get better?" I know all the Bible answers; it builds character, it strengthens our Spirituality, shows us that through Christ we can overcome obstacles that seemed impossible, God never gives us more than what we can handle, and so on. But, knowledge of this, and even accepting it does little to sooth the present pain life constantly dishes out to us. The more I understand who I really am, and who God really is, I come to find that I am a very sensitive individual. This has it's serious downsides. I can take the worse physical beating my M/S can possibly throw at me with strides. But when it comes to emotional distress or uncertainty, I am so weak. God is calling me out on this too. He is straight up saying to my face, "DO YOU TRUST ME OR NOT!?!?" I feel as though God is directly asking me, "Do you trust that I have given ****** to you as you have asked so many times, or do you doubt my direct and obvious work in your life?" I SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, "BUT IT'S NOT FAIR, IT'S NOT SIMPLE AND PERFECT LIKE I WANT IT TO BE!!!" At times, I literally scream to God. As if he can't hear my frustration in a normal voice. Unfiltered honesty escapes from my soul. It feels good to have a release. But, where is the lasting guarantee I desire? It is in Truth. I am in the computer lab right now at school (not working on my paper), and I thought to myself. "Who struggled like crazy in the Bible?" I immediately thought of Job. Job suffered big time. Job's life makes my petty (yet still my reality) issues seem as though they are nothing. I could find worldly answers that appeal to my current standing just as Job found through his three friends. But it would be without logic and void of Christ. I could take those "typical Bible answers" that I mentioned above, and try to just explain away the issue. This would be partially true, but lacking something very important. It is only when I accept that struggling causes ME to Trust God for who he is, not what he does that I am fully lifted out of my "funk." That is where I want to be. The whole time I have been writing this post, I have been praying that I be able to give this heart issue to God. To really surrender it to Him, and to build and change who I am for the better because of it. This truly is my desire. I always pray for God to increase my faith. Why am I to think he isn't right now, in these moments of "life confusion?" In this specific instance, "Faith" is trusting and acting in Christ when it doesn't make "worldly" sense to do so. That is what I will choose to do. Not because I have too much invested or any other reason. I will choose to act by faith because I am a child of God, and my life will represent this in all I do, think, feel, and say. It has to, otherwise I am just a hypocrite. And there is a guarantee for the now. The guarantee is that God is in control, if I am surrendering myself completely to Him, then I will go through life not doubting and questioning, but rather accepting of whatever He has to throw at me. The guarantee is that God is God, and I don't have to understand it in order to give it my all. Even if I am broken beyond recognicion (physically or emotionally), I am alive in Christ. There is no greater advance in a spiritual journey than coming to this single realization. Even if I am struck down, still I will love Him. Even if I have everythig I love and care for ripped away from me, STILL I WILL LOVE HIM. I find serious comfort in this.

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