Friday, January 26, 2007

Love, what is it really?

Love.....I think I am starting to understand the concept. I definately havn't gotten it yet, but I think I am getting a little bit closer. I was looking at a picture of someone I loved at a young age. The reason I know I was in love with this person is because every time I look at her, I get a grinding feeling in my stomach. Almost a piercing feeling caused by regret. Maybe I regret how I treated her. Maybe I regret not holding onto her. Maybe I regret ever meeting her, cuz then I wouldn't have to have felt these feelings. I dunno, love is crazy like that. But I know God has all our crazy emotions on "lock down." No matter how confused we get, or how much we regret actions of our past. God is always looking out for our best interest. I have noticed, every time I deny myself something Sinful i feel i want. I am blessed by it. I will give you an example. When I am super stressed out, and feel I have lost control of everything. I WANNA SMOKE A JOINT!!! But, when I ignor that urge, God finds the most amazing ways to send blessings my way. It's awesome. I love, loving God.

P.S. This girl I speak of is probably the most beautiful creature I have ever know personally. Blonde hair, hazel eyes. Amazing heart, and mind. Every time i come in contact with her now, i always feel like a little kid again. Don't know what to say, or how to say it.


I finally have some super positive news concerning my M/S jazz. God has lead me to someone who i believe will come in really handy. His Name is Todd Jacob, he was 24 when he went through the same exact stem cell transplant. He was on his fathers insurance.....guess what insurance his dad had? ANTHEM BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD! Same as me! He went through all the stuff i am going through. He is going to help me. :-O Isn't that pretty friggin ironic? Yea, I didn't think so either. God is too good. Honestly, I deserve none of this, yet, He keeps dishin out so much good to me. LOVE IT!! I just want to make others happy, Can you go to college for that? Happy college? Where you are trained in the fine art of making people happy? I wanna go there.

1 comment:

Cal said...

You sound really good. I think happy college would be a great place for you. I support it.