Thursday, January 11, 2007

still got that feeling.

Man, this frustration thing has got to stop. Okay, I come from a home where i have always been extremely loved, and taken care of 10 fold. That isn't why i am so frustrated. I just don't belong in Fort Wayne. I am looking for an out, but i know i am stuck here untill the transplant, then 8-12 months after that. Part of me wants to fold his arms and yell THATS NOT FAIR! Then the other part of me says, hey stupid, why don't you just trust that God has everything in control. Once i realize that, and then i look to my past and see all the other absloutly amazing things God has blessed me with, I wake up with a smile. It's really true, With God, the good always out weighs the bad. At lease if you really got him in your heart, and you trust him with every aspect of that heart. See, all i had to do is write it down in my "blog" and boom, i am smiling again, ;+)

Wait, now that i am back to a normal "i'm in Fort Wayne, IN. state of mind" I am kind of frustrated again. It's so easy to not trust God. Now, i didn't say trusting God is heard, i just said it's so easy not to trust him. It is so simple to make up excuses for why we are unhappy. It's odd pathetic really. God has done so much in my life. God has done everything in my life. I mean some of the things these eyes have seen are pretty incredible. And i can get cought up in the moment of, selfishness. I always try to make it all about me. like a baby i cry out; common god, what are you doing. I question him constantly. I really need to work on that. Cuz, actually, everytime i do trust him over my own instinct, i am much much happier. I don't need the things i long for. All i really need to do is trust God. And really, if you do trust god with everything, you get what you want. And truely think about what is waiting for you. If you are a Christian, when you get through the struggle of life, you have heaven waiting for you. In the bible, God teaches us that he createc us to worship him. Ya see, we were created to love Christ. So no matter what happens, if you can just keep talking yourself into trusting him every day for the rest of your human life, man will you have a good life. No matter what. You could have 1 eye, 1 leg, and no arms, and still be able to love life every day. God is so powerful and amazing, he can turn the most horrible and horrific things into blessings. It sounds crazy, but it really isn't. In my head right now i am telling myself over and over again. It's not crazy mikey, it really isn't, nothing is crazy about trusting God. kindness, and favor. It is derived from a word that means to bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior, with the purpose of bestowing favor. the old testament defines grace as kindness, and favor. It is derived from a word that means to bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior, with the purpose of bestowing favor.

I have one other thing on my mind. I'm confused, God brought this person into my life, and ever sense then, he has been allowing the most amazing things to happen. I mean really mind twisting circumstances. I know God is in it, but…………..but there are so many unanswered questions. I know I need to trust him. Sometimes, I just need to vocalize my thoughts. thankyou blog

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