house=money

Had a good day. A real good day. At school, because my OLS professor had a death in his family, we canceled class for the week. Well, it gave my group a chance to get together and start out on the project. I think the meeting went as well as expected. I am going to be taking the majority of the work load, but it is the kind of project where it kind of does get thrown on the leadership of the group. I am more than happy, and able to do that, so I am going to.

At work, I got some quality time to play with the little kiddies. DANG, were they ancy today. Not a one of them could sit still worth two spits in a tin can. But, that is what I love about them. Through their craziness, I see myself and am able to love them through it.

I was tired when I got home. Just worn out from studying and playing, and reading, and typing all the stuff that fills an average day for me. Stuff I love, don't get me wrong, but it is actually pretty wearing on a guy. Having to be constantly aware of kids; what they are doing, where they are at, how they are interacting with each other and their surroundings, and watching for EVERYTHING can be vexing to say the least. Not a complaint in the least, I wouldn't trade my life for nothing!

SO, being 21, living at home with my parents (rent free) I am able to see just what life costs. I see that a new roof needs to be in place, and what all is entailed with that. I see repairs, landscaping, bills, mortgage, etc. Well, today my mudda and fada had to purchase a new hot water heater. Slam bam thank you ma'am, it broke, they had to buy a new one. I am so thankful they are able to do that, and especially thankful I am able to wreap the benefits that water heater provides...for FREE. But, it all just adds up like crazy. It really is a reality check when I think about what I want to be able to provide for my family. Dang, I am gonna keep working for that goal. The light at the end of the tunnel will get bigger eventually. Patience and endurance will show me favor in the long run. I am in a good situation, and I am so thankful for that.

I went to work out at about late 8ish tonight. I ran into some guys I knew from high school. They were younger than me, maybe 2 years younger or maybe 1, i'm really not positive. It was good though. One of them told me he was taking a break from school. It appears he fell off the band wagon in his first year of college. Well, I knew his situation all too well, and heard him out. Before I could even really start hearing it all, he told me that he found God, and is living his life in accordance with His will. "There ya go," is pretty much what I said, and we parted our ways. It was neat though, and a nice reminder that God is just a working all over the place. Umm, I like that.

You gotta try this

Hint(Click the picture to enlarge it in a separate window)
Hint 2(it's the blinking that really brings it out)

This really is super cool. My grandma sent me this picture along with some other illusions in an E-Mail, and I just had to share it. Do exactly what the instructions say, it really works good on a white or near white colored wall. Doesn't have to be a huge surface. But when you are concentrating on the 3 dots, don't let your eyes wonder, and you will really see it good. I didn't think it would work, but when it did I started laughing because it was so clear.

Today was jam packed, but it was so good. I woke up, went to work, and then school, THEN, I went to Snider again for some contact work at lunch time. I LOVE IT! I got my butt back to school and studied, studied, studied for an upcoming test in my OLS class. As soon as I was done studying for the day, I went to work and then home. Once home I ate and STUDIED THE BIBLE!! A bit of Genesis, talking about Jacob's kiddo's, and talking about mercy, and some other awesome traits. I'm not sure how much I am suppose to talk about the actual lesson plan. The main leader guy said that all the lesson plans are copyrighted, and so I will have to ask about that next Monday. I can say this, the Holy Spirit will show up every time you sincerely want it to. When I was done with BSF reading and writing, I went to the YMCA and worked out till it was about closing time. Now, I am extremely tired and just bet I will be able to sleep AGAIN, like I did last night. I really did sleep super well last night, and dreamed, and it felt good. I did watch about 25 minutes of some T.V. when I was riding the bike at the Y, I dunno if that counts though. Anyways, G'Night!

Twisted it right up

In my philosophy class, it got all twisted up. Ughhh, it was quite frustrating, but I kind of dug a hole for myself. We were referring to Plato's Republic and Feminism and how people at the top of the decision and thinking class make all the decisions, and how they lie sometimes for the "better good." A load of crap in my opinion, but never the less, the topic at hand. The prof wanted present day examples, and I offered up my 2 cents about how Obama seems to me not to give give up information about his heritage, which is actually his father (born in Kenya) and mother (born in Kansas) which would make him half white, half black. Anyways, I was trying to make reference to that drawing in the New Yorker that was published not too long ago. I suppose I was kind of hinting to the fact that if Obama doesn't have any thing to hide, then why not offer as much information as possible. I dunno, it was probably a supid comment. I paid for it too, I was made to be a racist against Arabs and ughhh, I learned my lesson on that. The moral of this story, "think it through 5 times before you talk."

Anyways. I woke up this morning, and Ga$ was 3.69, after 2PM it sky rocketed to $3.95!! AHHHHHH!! I needed to fill up too. DO'OH!!

I didn't watch t.v. today, and I had to find new and interesting ways to fill my time. Tonight at 9:00PM I wanted to sit down and watch some telie, but instead I went to the YMCA and worked out for a bit. I thought it maybe would make me a little sleepy so I wouldn't have any trouble falling asleep, and wouldn't have to take any nasty sleeping medication or anything. We will see here in a little bit.

I texted my sister, who has been in MA./NYC. for the past week visiting her biological family for the the first time. She called me back and we talked about it for ohh maybe 35 minutes. It sounds like she had an amazing experience. She got to see the city right good, and her biological ties were good to her. She got to see her biological parents grave sites, and got to experience some of her heritage. Which, to an adopted kid/adult/anyone is extremely important. I would know, i'm adopted TOO! So it was good to talk with mer, and I think I am going to try to go to bed now.I envy people who can sleep easily. Seriously I wish I had that so bad. Shutting down the brain is such a slow and daunting process for me.

Funny/enlightening thing happened today at work. There was this little girl, maybe 5 or 6, possibly seven but i'm thinking she is a first grader. It was the first day she had been to YMCA afternoon childcare. Well, every month we are suppose to do something for for the community. This month because of a certain tie to someone over in Iraq, we decided to have the kids write thank you letters to people in the military. It was going nicely and one little girl had an especially touching picture and letter. It was a picture of her and her "daddy" holding hands. It said, please be safe and cum home soon so I can see my daddy. I asked her how long her father had been gone. I kind of got out of her that it was over a year. When her mother came to pick her up (who I ended up knowing), I asked her where her husband was stationed. She gave me a stranger look and said, "excuse me? My husband works at a restaurant in Auburn (near by city) as a manager." I explaiend as to my inquiry, and she kind of shook her head and told me that sometimes her little girl likes to "tell stories." WOW!! That little one was quite the extrovagant lier!!! I bought it, hook, line and sinker too.

G'Night......I hope

this and that

The day started off as usual. Work, then English class. Then I had some time to blow, got my hair cut ya know. I had a nice little surprise when I was walking into Great Clips, my best friend Jared was working at Higher Grounds next door. Well, he saw me walk into G/C and came over to say hello. I told him I would be over to chat as soon as the lady was done clipping.
It was really nice. And, this picture of Higher Grounds Coffee shop is the actual store Jared works at. I knew he was picking hours, but I didn't have any idea it was at this specific location. Ya see, there is a HG coffee on campus of my school, and I just assumed that was the only one he was working at. But all to my big surprise, he saw me!! It was cool to chat it up with him. We chatted it up about an "event" he has planned. I can't say any more because I am not sure if a particular someone reads this BLOG or not. So, until later when plans are more confirmed, I must keep my mouth shut. I didn't really have anything to work on, so after I got done with hair cut and talking, I went home, but watching T.V. was not an option, so I went to the YMCA to work out for a bit.It felt god to pump some IRON!! Some of the guys around me thought I was kind of strange because I took a picture of myself, BUT that's alright, I got nothing to prove.

I started BSF tonight. It was so cool because I got to sit with my dad, who has been involved for about 14 years. I am excited for this years study. It is over the life of Moses. That would be Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. We aren't going to be doing Genesis, because that is a study within itself. It is so cool and keeps you accountable in by being in the word every day. Questions, and it is just super sweet! I get to do it with my dad too. That is awesome!!! He has been praying for me for such a long time, and now he gets to enjoy BSF with his son. That is a beautiful picture. A picture of hope and endurance in Christ. BEAUTIFUL!

FINAL REFLECTION day # 14

14 of 14, yep that is what today is. The stretch of the two weeks has ended. It’s time for a conclusion I suppose. I should probably sum things up. Well, just a reminder for the readers (you) and myself, I’ll give a quick recap. And I will give the Thesis that I should have given to start this out with. But, better later than never I suppose.

Thesis: To examine my thoughts and actions in hopes to find ways to get a little closer to Christ.

(Recap)

1. To rid my life of things I KNOW need not be in it.

2. To constantly strive to see women as Christ see's them. To pray over that constantly.

3. To surrender my temper.

4. To allow God to be the ultimate authority in my life, and respect the earthly ones who are over me.

5. To love ALL PEOPLE.

6. Fight to find JOY in all situations.

7. To be comfortable being patient.

8. To really surrender a relationship with that "special someone" over to God.

Cool lesson I learned today at Dave church. God want's us (believers) to be connected and on the same page with things. Listen, I am tired and sleepy so I am just going to put this awesome verse up. John 17:20-21 This is dinner at Daves after Dave church. The smiley guy is Dave. The cutie sitting next to him is Rach (she's the younger one) and the beautiful woman is Margie, then closest is the bold and beautiful Richard. What a wonderful crew. We make a good team, it is very good for me to be a part of. I gain comfort and insight from Dave every single time I go over there. I am quite thankful for you Dave Pelz. :-)

After I went to Dave church, I couldn't go to Interogation/Collateral because I had to get to the school library and write this paper for English class tomorrow. It got done, and I am super happy. I went home and watched T.V. till it was spilling out my ears. I suppose I had to get my "fix." You'll read why....if you keep reading just a little bit more.

~REFLECTIONS~

1.) T.V.!! It is everywhere. I can't seem to have peace and quiet for more than 2 seconds. If I wake up in the morning, and am having a bowl of cereal or whatever, I turn on the T.V. If I have 15 minutes before I have to leave for work, I turn on the T.V., When I could be studying the word, or school, I watch T.V.! I watch too much.

R 1.) I think it's time for a break. I am going to take this very serious. I am taking the next two weeks off...Well, I am turning the T.V. off for the next two weeks is what i'm trying to say. I am going to have to train my brian to do other things. I'll do it dag nabbit!! You just watch and see.

REFLECTION day # 13

But today is number thirteen (13) of fourteen (14) days in a journey or self examination and careful thought processing as to why I do certain things the way I do. The point of this was to take a break, and really examine why I do the things I do and what are the inner motives for doing them. And, I suppose I don't really even have a REFLECTION for today. Not on my own life and habits, but I do have a lot to share. Starting with this amazing radio conversation/video presentation. I am just in awe of this little one. In fact I look up to him, and desire to have that inner push to learn from mistakes. That is what this whole reflect stuff has been about. Being able to learn from mistakes and past wrong doings. Not for me to dwell on anything and beat myself up because of it, but to LEARN from it and become free from whatever "IT" might be. I do know this. I can never be free if God is not in it. I'm rambling, so I am just going to post this and you can listen to what Logan has to say about this subject.
It's the simple childlike faith, and the deep sense of honest pains that attracts me to Logan. Like the radio announcer said, Logan is far wiser than he knows. He is about twenty steps ahead of the game if he continues in that way of thinking.

So, I got dressed and headed off to my school's library by 10:50AM. I got in there and started typing as soon as I sat down at a computer. I finished my first paper for my OLS class too. I think it's really well done also.
When I was done typing, I headed up stairs to a quiet spot, and I started reading. I read and read until I didn't have to read any more. It was long, and horribly boring. I was reading The Analects: by Confucius. And, it was just silly. I do not enjoy reading this material, nor do I feel like I gain anything from it. I'm in it to win it though. So, that is that. Here is a picture of me deeply entrenched in reading BLAness. Can you spot me? That picture was a bit blurry, I think because that sun was so darn bright. I guess I can't say I didn't learn anything. I learned that remonstrate means to plead in protest. When I got done with school activities, I went over to my friend Tony and Josh's house.Tony and I rocked out on these two classy bicycles. HA! The girl bike with the trendy basket was the one I rode. That bike belongs to one of my moms friends. I think she is borrowing it....Anyways, you might notice some string and a handle(tent stake) in the basket. You noticed correctly! That is for pulling Josh on his skate board. We went through the neighborhood. Now, remember I am 21 years old, both of those guys are 22. It was awesome though, just like back in the day when activites like this were common place, and life was a heck of a lot less complicated. Maybe life is only complicated because I allow it to get that way, or maybe it isn't and I just think it is. I'm not really sure. I do have one more picture to share though. The below picture is of me, Josh, Tony, Trouble (Tony's dog), and Chris (who is behind me, out of the picture). We are hiking through a nature preserve. I didn't even know it existed until today. It was out in the middle of no where, and was actually a lot of fun.It was such a beautiful day. And what a nice way to simmer it down to an end. After a day of study time, reading & writing, I get to go on a beautiful walk through a very quite and desolate forested area with friends and a good dog. Good conversation, laughs and so on. They all were going to go to Buffalo Wild Wings (BW3) for beer/food or whatever and to watch the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) title match, but I declined for whatever reason inside me said to.

REFLECTION day # 12

Did you know that today is the day that the Lord has made, I really will rejoice and be glad in that fact. Today is also the twelfth of a fourteen day series devoted to God and examining my inner daily workings with reference to how I see, act, and think on things in LIFE. I think that the word "twelfth" is a very funny word. So today started off like normal, I went to work and then went to school. When I was at school, I was complemented over and over by my English professor, because he is genuine and that is just his personality. He is a great guy, and really loves to encourage and motivate his students. I want to, "not let him down." And I won't either. It is going to be a good semester. When I got out of ENG W233-03, I felt like writing. I didn't have the material done for the next English assignment, so I started working on my OLS paper that is due on something like the 27th. It is about a man named Geert Hofstede. And his 5-cultural dimensions. It is pretty interesting actually, and I am enjoying working on it. I just got in the "write" mode, and couldn't stop it. Then I went back to work, where they were setting up for a huge carnivale.Yes in deedy, the kids were excited for this one. They had a dunk tank, bob for the apple, pie in the face, grill cooked burgers with all the right fixings, EVERYTHING a kid could want at a school carnivale. As soon as I got out of work, I went over to my friend Matt's house. He has since reconciled with his wife, and actually went to Indiana Beach over the Labor Day weekend. I think they are in a good place, and I think that Matt's heart for sure is. Anyways, I stopped by his house because he has not been returning my or any of the other guys calls. This is very unlike Matt's personality. As soon as I left Matt's house, I went to an empty parking lot and prayed and wrote for about a half an hour. Then I went to my Friday night Bible study. I was there forever, and Matt even came to that. The other guys were real glad he did, especially me!!I love the Bible. Dag nabbit it can be hard to start digging into sometimes, but once I sincerely do, I am always, ALWAYS fulfilled and satisfied. I love the insight and comments from the other guys as well.

~REFLECTIONS~
1.) There are so many beautiful women on my campus. I really desire a healthy relationship too. I mean, I really really do. But, I am not willing to give in to an un-Christ like relationship. A relationship that isn't completely built on the principals of Godly living, is not worth having. One with a female I am talking about of course. So, taking all of this into consideration, why do I still look at women the wrong way. I'm not only talking about lusting after them, but even wishing to have a relationship, just for the pure and simple fact to have "someone." It got to the point today, where I had to stop right where I was in the computer lab, and just take it to the Lord in prayer. I just asked that I could view them the way Christ views them. It was just put on my heart, and my eyes were not directed towards their hearts.

R 1.) I desire a relationship so badly, but at the same time, I have really released it over to Christ. (I know this kind of sounds like they aren't going together, but hold on) So, I think that creates a bit of conflict, it's the conflict of FLESH vs. CHRIST-LIKE HEART. It is a constant battle, one I only have a chance of surviving if I take it to the Lord on a DAILY BASIS.

It's beautiful that I am able to do that though. Christ died, so that I can take my problems and issues to Him on a daily basis. I got one word for that, WOW!

REFLECTION day # 11

Indeed today was the eleventh day of fourteen in my pause and reflect series. I am going to start out with a reflect time right away.

~REFLECTION~

1.) I got sTresSED oUt today! I think the reason that this specific stressor was so fore front in my mind is because I am on right now as I type. My compy has been acting funny, it's strange because I can always tell when something is "wrong" with my computer. It's like when your diabetic friend goes low. Maybe they don't starting talking crazy right off the bat, but there are slight nuances that just catch your attention. Well, that is exactly what was happening between me and the lap-top. I have all this expensive anti-virus and ad-aware software, so I was angry and stressed out because it wasn't finding anything wrong with the system. Well, I was disturbed because I just "KNEW" something was wrong but am not knowledgable enough to pin point it myself. It was really throwing me into a funk. Then I was just like, what the heck man, IT'S A COMPUTER!

R 1.) I just prayed about it. I let it slip into the background of my thought process, and when I got home from work I texted my friend Anita who is familiar with common computer problems. Well, she pointed me in the direction of Trend Micro's free House Call online program. It was awesome, found the issue and delt with it. Slam Bam thank you Ma'am! I trust God with my health, with my finances, with my transportation, with my schooling, but I won't trust him with my computer?? hummmmm, makes me want to list out my priorities in life and check the important ones, and take a good hard look at those so called "important ones" and see if they are actually important.

I have been getting head aches ever since the stomach thing went away. It's crazy because they are similar in start (how they come on) to M/S head aches. M/S head aches are the most horrible ones every. They are like migraines, well heck maybe they are in fact migraines. They come on super slow, but once in full effect they knock you off your feet. Usually vision get's blurry, and light of any sort is just unbearable. Like I said, they build slowly, but then they are capped off. They don't get horrible. I take Ibuprofen, and it seems to do the trick. I just hate taking that stuff too much.

I have a lot of reading to do in my Philosophy class. Stuff I hate reading too. For instance, Plato's The Republic...allow me to paraphrase the first fifteen pages. "The life of the unjust far outweighs in benefit the life of the just. If you can be unjust, and get away with it all along making people think you're just, you will be quite rewarded. It's the people in life who live justly who are screwed over with no ending reward." CRAP CRAP CRAP. But maybe it is helping me to think, see, understand, and not pounce all over other ideals and ways of thinking...I dunno, we'll see as the class progresses.

I didn't have time......excuse me, I didn't make time to get into the Bible today. I don't like that. I am going to be putting in place some preventative measures with BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) when it starts up on Monday. I am really looking forward to that.

i'm actually going to bed early tonight!

G'Night

REFLECTION day # 10

Guess what, today is day 10 of a 14 day walk to take a moment to reflect on the actions, words, decisions I have made through out an average day. I have been seeking guidance, not just for this specific 14 days, but for my life. The 14 days have just had heavy self accountability. It's been really good. And yes, I do still carry the notepad with me. I will continue to do so until the 2 weeks is up. Dang, I am listening to this re-mix of an old school song I have loved forever. I love Punk Goes Crunk!! CHECK IT OUT

Ya know what, I was so intensely happy today. I got to get back in the high school that I do my contact work with for Young Life. IT FELT SO GOOD to be back in the halls of Snider, and to see my friends. LOVE IT.This is one of the main halls that I spend a lot of time at. I love just talking with random kids, maybe kids who have their heads down, or look like the day or other people haven't been too kind to. There is just so much pain and potential coursing through the veins of high schools today. I just feel like I am suppose to be there. And trust me, there are plenty of other things I could be doing. BUT, I just see the challenge of walking into a cafeteria room filled with 600 kids and see faces that really need to be talked to. Faces that just need someone to listen and take interest. Christ will take care of the rest. If I can just plant a seed, boy oh boy, do you see the potential?So what does it look like for me to go into a cafeteria and love on kids? Well, here is a picture of some guys who I was able to create a rapport with last year, so they kind of knew what to expect. BUT, with new kids, especially freshmen who are so uncomfortable in their own skin they don't hardly know what to do...I usually just find a neutral topic to discuss, and expand from there. It is amazing what kids want to talk about. From The Wizzard of Ozz, to G.T.A. 4 It takes a bit of a talent to be able to feel comfortable around kids, and you can't be afraid of failing, because it is around every corner. BUT, for instance. One kid I had a chance to befriend last year, who was never even slightly interested in Young Life, or God for that matter wanted to meet me in the Parking Lot to just talk with me for a while. He only goes to school for a half day, and came back to the school property just so we could meet up for a bit to talk. We are gonna go and try to catch lunch one of these days soon. It's stuff like that that I thrive on. I never know how God is going to use me in a situation, I just have to make sure I am ready and willing at all times. Never to miss an opportunity ya know?

So, I went back to work then. I had a little bit of time to blow before I went and met up with some of the guys I took to camp this summer. And guess what??? IT RAINED LIKE CRAZY!!! I love storms so so so much, so I just had to drive around in it for a bit. I recorded some of the action. We haven't gotten rain in such a long time like this, I just had to soak it up for a bit. It rained cats and dogs for a while too.

And just so people know, I was on a private christian campus, where there was no one out. I may not have stayed on my side of the road, but I was actually being safe. Trust me on this one.

I went and picked up my buddy Corey (high school kid who I spent a lot of time with last year, and took to camp this summer) and we went and met up with Josh (Young Life area director) and some other guys who were also in the cabin this summer. It was good to see everyone's face and hear how they are doing.

THEN....

When I got done at the coffee house, I went to Nolan's (also another Young Life kid who went to camp this summer) house because 3 weeks ago he tore his ACL! Yeah, it sucks very much that it happened to him, but he is strong enough to be able to handle it and everything that is going to happen because of it. It was good to stop by and talk with his parents, and to just let him know that I am thinking/praying for him. It is good to know someone outside of the family cares. And I really do care, so I enjoyed stopping to see him a lot!

It is crazy how busy I can get once things get into the full swing of things. BUT, I did have time to reflect.


~REFLECTIONS~

1.) I want the quick fix. Not only in my life, but I want to fix everyone's life as well. Either I want to just see a problem and force my thought process or way of thinking on someone until it works. I get frustrated when people struggle, or when I struggle, and I know the best for them/me. BUT, the best isn't taken for whatever reason.

R 1.) I don't have patience. Patience in God, other people or myself. I need to just erase my thinking that everything follows a calendar. That is just not how it should or has to work. Every time I trust in God to take care of the time involved with a situation, I never fail. You can't fail that way, because no matter what you are going to be okay as long as your motives stay correct. This makes perfect sence in my head, I hope I am explaining it okay.

G'Night!

p.s. if you liked I WISH, you will really like Devil Wears Prada Re-Mix

REFLECTION day # 9

Today is day 9 of 14 on this reflective look at my spiritual life, personal traits and just behavior in general.

I felt a bit better today. Well, maybe. I woke up this morning and could only eat yogurt. I just couldn't stomach much more than that. So that was all I ate. I went right to work, BAM! 6:30AM, and I am with the little kids. It's early, but I love it. As soon as I get out of the AM shift for work at 8:40, I go straight to school. I had two classes today, first OLS (first class for my minor) and then Philosophy 111, which of course got into a God debate. I don't want to go into detail, because it would be pointless. I will just say that this woman wanted to argue the semantics of God & Christianity with a professor who has years and years of debating and arguing this sort of thing AND who doesn't hold the same thoughts as her. It ended poorly for her, to say the least. I did my best to stay out of it, because honestly, what would be the point. He was not downplaying God, or Christianity, he was just pointing out the "flaws" he had with it. People, especially Christians need to accept that there are going to be masses who think and feel otherwise. It is not up to US (people who are not God) to make them feel or think otherwise either. I felt like this woman had an agenda. It's kind of like when you hear people speak of the "gay agenda." I don't think as Christians we are suppose to just accept it into our homes with open hands by any means. BUT, we aren't suppose to attack it (abstract) as an idea, and ESPECIALLY not the people (finite) who are pushing it. I dunno, this is just my opinion. It's what I feel man. It's just the way I think and how my innerds tell me to react to stuff. It's composed of God, and gut. Can you really go wrong with "God & gut?"

Ya know, I this is kind of what I noticed today. I need to work on my happiness. This is my reflection for today.
~REFLECTION~

1.) I feel happy through out the day quite often. My happiness is usually built on other people's happiness. I seem to thrive off of how others feel. For instance, if I can make the dirtier, maybe not so well kept, semi-outcast kid at the YMCA program feel welcome and smile. If I can make their morning, I am blown away by that. But on the days where I feel a little more "down" and not so joyful for Christ. I have to question my self, my actions, my motives, and especially my INPUT. That old saying that your mom and dad use to day when you were little (at least for me), about what goes in will eventually come out. I find that to be very true.

R 1.) I have to find joy in all things. Even the sobering and seemingly NASTY times in life. It is so simple when kids are happy, or the mentally handicapped guy at school is proud of something you constantly complement him on, or you hold the door open for the girl who has no self-esteem, or the guy who questions why he should even go through the door. In those it is so simple. I am challenged to rely on Him. I am told directly to do so. This is some pretty tasty stuff right here. 1 Thess 5:16-19

I think my stomach flu is almost gone.....(knock on wood)

G'Night!!

REFLECTION day # 8

ohhh man, I don't feel so good. My head is throbbing, and my tummy is aching. I feel hot, like I may have a fever, and I have not been able to eat all day. Every time I tried to eat, I felt like I was going to puke it up. I hope this is just a 24 hour stomach flu, because I really don’t have the time to be sick. It has been so long since I have been sick too. I usually get sick when it changes seasons. The temperature and weather change usually get the best of me; throws my body off, and I get feeling yucky. But, it has not been changing temperature outside, so I must have gotten sick from one of the kids at work. I laid around all day today. I washed some clothes, but that is about it. The rest of the day was spent on the couch watching stupid T.V. I tried eating some mac & cheese with peas, but after a little bit of eating, I got all sweaty and had to stop eating. This is about how I felt for most of the day. I never threw up, I just felt like it every time I moved too fast or got near food. Yucky way to feel.

I did a lot of thinking today though. Thinking and praying. Coming to a conclusion on a subject that has been on my mind non-stop for the past week and one day. It has not been a fun conclusion to come to, but one that I know is right. Sometimes it sucks doing the right thing, in a world that won't commend you for it. Or for a person who won't understand why you are doing it. Or will maybe say they understand, but won't really understand because of views and ideology in their own mind. I am going to go to bed now.

REFLECTION day # 7

Today is day 7 of 14 (half way done) on my time of pausing and reflecting. It is difficult, not only because I am constantly searching, praying, and seeking out things in my life that I both struggle with and defy God through. I am also taking a time to pause with someone I have grown kind of close with. I told this person that I needed to take 2 weeks to kind of separate myself and kind of see what is important. I have had to do a lot of thinking and praying about this person. It is really hard too, because I miss the contact with this person. I am really growing because of it though. I'll get right to the reflection time for today, it has been on my heart like WOW.

~REFLECTION~

1.) I had some time to waste before I went to Collateral (a college aged Bible study/church service I go to on Sunday evenings) tonight, and so I of course thought about my sister. Well, I found out right before she went to MA. that she had been letting her g/f use her old car, and even drive her new car. This infuriates me because I dislike her current g/f very much. She is extremely controlling and I just see her as very nasty. It’s not even that she is my sisters gay partner, it is that I am disgusted by her personality and character. And I see that she is just taking advantage of my sister, which happens all the time. Well, I drove by her apartment and her car was not there. I can assume that she decided to let this girl borrow it for the time Mer is away. AHHHHHH!!!! So angry!!!!

R 1.) I have a very hard heart towards Dixie (Mer's g/f) because she is very blunt and out in the open about things. She is not respectful about me or my feelings towards the lifestyle. This bothers me greatly, and so it's almost like I justify my deep dislike for her. I have had several chances to love her, but instead I ignore her or am obviously fake with her. She can be the perfect opportunity for me to love unconditionally, if I want to overcome the struggle of loving everyone the same, I can just start with her. That is a HUGE challenge too. HUGE!!!

Today it took me forever to get around. I was so lazy and lethargic, I just wanted to lay on the couch and watch T.V. Well, I finally got around and went over to my university to read from the Bible. I started on the parking garage, because I really liked it up there before, but the sun was just way too hot, so I moved inside quickly. I went and read in the 24/hr study room attached to the library. After I was in the 24/hr room for a while, this girl started talking on her cell phone extremely loud, so I went outside where there was a table with a huge umbrella saving me from the sun. Once it got to about 7:00PM I went to Mer's apartment complex, that is where I did not see her car, and well found out how I really felt about Dixie...you know the rest from above.

Well, then I went to Collateral. It was good, and I talked with a friend about a friend. Very awesome chat, and great night. It did not end there though. On my way home, I called a guy from my Bible study, to see if he wanted to hang out. His g/f is home from college for the weekend.....so he was going to be with her. So, then I called my friend George. He has been in the BLOG several times I believe. Well, he got in trouble not to long ago with the law, and it made a big mess of things for him. He is really seeking change in his life too. He also lives in my neighborhood, and so I called him up to see if he wanted to sit around the fire pit with me. He did, and he came right over. 2 days ago, I texted him out of no where. I thought I saw him drive by my house, but wasn't even sure if it was his car. I had this deep feeling inside me telling me to text him. So I did, I texted him and told him this, "George, make good decisions tonight man." It turns out, he had been alcohol free for about 23 days, and two days ago he had just left his house and was driving while drinking some beer. After he got my text, he turned around and went home. Interesting what happens when you listen to God. So, anyways. We sat around the fire and talked about God, and friendships and futures. I told George that if he needed a friend to stick by him and not pull him back, that I would be there for him. We talked for a long long long time and even cooked up some hot dog's. It was really good, and it is like 2:30AM right now, and time for me to go to bed.Actually I suppose I have one last thought. The world kind of says, "once you have found yourself, you have found PEACE." I want to fight against that idea and notion and say, "once you have found Grace, you have found Peace." Ya see, once you have found yourself, if with out God, you will only be tormented by what you can not attain on your own. Once you have found God, all things are possible. Proverbs 3:5-6 & Philippians 4:13 are GOOD!

G'Night!!

REFLECTION day # 6

I started the day out pretty darn blessed. Like I said yesterday, I got a phone call from John (old boss for church I use to work for) asking if I would be interested in coming in for 3 hours of work. That is where I was at this morning at 8:00AM, here is a picture of me riding on the bucket of a skid loader while we were taking a load of plants to the back of the building to be RE-PLANTED.Yes, it was a good start to a great day. I was complemented over and over after I was done with the 3 hours. The guy I worked with (Ron Davis, 70+ retired construction everything guy) told me that if I ever needed a reference to any company in Fort Wayne, that I just needed to let him know. Then John came over just before I left, and gave me just a whole list of complements. I got $30.00 cash and now I will have more than enough money (knock on wood) to make it to the next pay check, and THAT IS JUST GOOD STUFF!! As soon as I was done I headed straight to my bro's house. It was there that he put on my serpentine belt.I think it looked a little something like this. All's I know is it's changed and there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with my car. THIS IS ALL VERY GOOD NEWS! :-)
THANKS TROY!!

When I visited Troy and Amy (his wife) I also got a chance to visit with my nieces and nephew. Joel, Haley and the newest addition to the Shepherd family Hannah! Check the little cutie pie below.So friggin cute, and extremely well behaved. Doesn't take much to keep her happy (from my short experience with her) and she LOVES HER UNCLE MIKEY! ;-)

It is essential to be loving towards people in all circumstances in life. God forgives when we can not. This is an important lesson I got a chance to expand and think on today. Good stuff.

~REFLECTIONS~
1.) When I got home after a dull night of stupid t.v. movies and nothingness, later in the evening I decided to walk to the pond in my neighborhood. I sat at the bench by the pond and looked up at the stars and prayed. I spent some time with God just in conversation. It seems that more and more I just talk with God like I am talking to a friend. I mean, I am talking to a friend. It is just not what I was taught as a youngster, in reference to communicating with God. It was good though. I struggled though because I took a Sprite can with me when I walked down to the pond. After I was finished drinking it. I threw it into the pond. :-O

R 1.) I think this shows a deep seeded hatred for fish & really just an over all lack of caring for the environment. I think this way of thinking may have been spurred on when I was a young child and I caught a blue gill in a local lake. When I attempted to pick it up, the gills sliced my skin open, and I forever held this hatred for all fish of the world. I suppose I will have to work on tihs.

It was a good day.

REFLECTION day # 5

Now hear this, today is day 5 of 14 on my significant search for spiritual strengthening, or whatever God would have. Work and school and work were wonderful today. I got a really uplifting comment from my English professor, and that just set the tone. Then, the kids were great...well the kids were average, but I suppose my mood made them great. I have a couple of thoughts on the day. Well, I will give some details, then go into the reflections. Today after work I wanted to go to the 2nd Snider (high school I volunteer with for Young Life) football game. It was great, but I get out of work at 6 and the game starts at 7. I did not want to drive home then back to the stadium. It was just too far. So, I found a parking lot with shade and did a little bible studying. I got into Ester, and she was a pretty bad chick.So, once I was done there and it was time to go to the football game, I did just that. I was pumped to see the kids who I have not seen all summer. I was so excited. I prayed and prayed, and then got there. I seemed to lose a lot of my confidence once I got there.There was easily a million and a half kids there. I am usually so confident in those situations too, but for some reason, I just lost it a bit. BUT, I eventually decided to step out of my comfort zone, and it paid off. I put my trust in the big guy up stairs, and not in my own ability...which is none. Once the game reached half time, it was time to go to my sisters house.Mer is leaving tomorrow morning for MA, where her biological half sister Jill will be picking her up. If you have not heard, or don't remember this story PLEASE CLICK HERE and you too can be filled in with the rest of "us." Cocky I know. I love Merideth so much. Dang do I love her.

~REFLECTIONS~

1.) When I was walking up to the football stadium, and I listened to that voice in me saying I am going to fail, or I am not good enough to cause any real kind of change. I listened to it. I let fear take me over. It wasn't until I was able to force myself out of my comfort zone, and reach out to kids that I was really able to see, "hey, I am darn good at this, and wow do I love these kids."

2.) I was speeding again today, not 20 MPH over, but over the speed limit to say the least. I passed a cop, and it made me look at my speed. It is like my unconscious thought process thinks it is okay to speed. How do I correct this way of thinking? I don't have cruise control.

R 1.) Pride, I think I wanted to be in control. Yet again I know. Good thing God doesn't put a limit on how many times he will let us do something over and over again before he cuts us off. I'd be out a long time ago in so many different areas.

R 2.) This isn't really a spiritual battle..I don't think.

I do think i'm going to bed now though.

I am happy with my progress though.

REFLECTION day # 4

Today is day 4 of 13 on a search inside of my thought process, inhabitions, and actions. I am seeking through God's guidance what I am meant to overcome in my life at this vibrant and active Christ filled life of 21 I currently stand at. It's good stuff, like moose tracks ice cream right after it has had a moment to sit at room temperature for a bit so that it is soft, but not melted. If you know what I am talking about, then well "you know what i'm talking about." :-)

Being judgmental is a friction in my mind I have noticed since I was young. I believe it is quite a common trait in most people. When a person sees something that is different or not understood, it gives an over all feeling of uneasiness. Typically one will push away from what ever is causing that inner conflict, or react like the bully does to the weaker kid on the play ground; lashing out to gain a return of guilty confidence. Well, this is what I found in my Philosophy class today.

~REFLECTION~

1.) There are certain people in my phil 111 class who are, well to be perfectly honest and not sugar coating anything, "lacking in common sense." Before they would speak, or right as they would start speaking, I would think in my head, "here we go." As if to say, the words about to come out of this persons mouth are going to be a waste of everyone's time in this class. It went further than that too. There is one guy in the class who made it known probably within 30 minutes of the first class beginning that he was an athiest. He did so with his words, but also his shirt that clearly said, "I do not believe in God." It doesn't bother me, but my heart is hardened to his comments, and I take no interest in what he says. I am closed off to his input, and although I show no negativity towards him, I do notice that I am a bit closed off.

R 1.) This one is a little bit of a "fuzzy area" for me, but to just put my thoughts right out there, I have this to say. With regards to the people who I view as lacking in common sense, I see myself at a different level of intellegence as them. I put myself above them in a sort of way. I guess I may even lack in a mutual respect for them. Although I would only show it through slight sarcasm, my heart is not being honest and acting with overt conflicts. With regards to the Athiest, I honestly think I fear his way of thinking. Not that it stirs up doubt, but because I know the only way of even being able to tap into the sub-conscioius of a person like that is by being a living example. I fail that so often, it is maybe a fear of failing the opportunity to reach out someone like that. It is all very intimidating for me, BUT, also gives me an idea of what I need to work on.I took this picture in my OLS (Organizational Leadership & Supervision) class. OLS is my chosen minor. You can see the prof in the upper left. You can see his head at least. He seems to be a great guy, and can really get into some great conversation. He does love telling dreadfully aweful jokes though. He has this on going one that his wife is a sumo-wrestler....I like him a lot though.One last picture, then it is off to bed for me. I was sitting for lunch at my house when I saw this little fawn come up to some flowers to nibble on this afternoon. Soon after it's mother and 2 siblings came over from directly by our house. They are getting more and more daring. I can't believe how close he/she was. It was so neat to see.

REFLECTION day # 3

Today is DAY 3 of 14, my pad stayed empty. It was not that I was ignoring anything, or being unaware of my thoughts and actions. Quite the opposite actually. I was super aware of myself all day. From waking up, to right now (10:03PM). My note pad stayed empty. This is a good thing in my opinion. Tomorrow is a new day, but I think a day empty of negative actions or thoughts is realistic and something to be happy about.

Starting out this morning at school I pulled onto campus, and was right on time. Well, when I passed one of the parking lots, I saw the cop standing next to one of the IPFW mountain bikes. When I say "the cop" I, of course am referring to the cop who I was very negative with yesterday. I drove by him, and had that tugging on my heart. So, I turned around and pulled into the lot he was in. I pulled right up next to him and explained what I had said to him. I explained why I had a temper with him, and apologized for my actions. He was extremely surprised, and thankful for me having said that. I explained that I would NOT be having that problem again with him or any of the other IPFW cops in the future. Then I went to class.

At around 12:30, after I went to Home Depot to get some folders and notebooks for classes, I went to Atz's Ice Cream to meet Josh VonGunten for lunch. I had a burger and we discussed the upcoming school year. I am so totally stoked to be involved with Young Life. Such a cool opportunity to reach out to kids, and get down on their level. It's good stuff.

I went back on campus to have a little Bible study. It was super fun, because I found the ultimate location for a quiet time of Bible studying. It was on the very top of one of the parking garages. The one that is usually not super full. I got into Jeremiah some how, and read about the basket of Figs. Jeremiah 24 i'm not sure why, but it done did me good to read that story. Sometimes I am kind of put off by the old testament, because there is just so much I don't understand. Then there are times like today, where I am just like, ummmm I like that A LOT! :-)

When I was driving up the parking garage, in other words, making the assent. I found this pile of puke. I can not say why for sure, but I was drawn to it. And since this is my BLOG, I want to remember this pile of puke some time in the future, or I want my grandchildren to be able to read about this pile of puke, so here it is.Someone's lunch did not sit well with them. LOL. I feel like this BLOG was not enriched with deep philosophical content, so I am just putting in a lot of pictures to fill that void some how.

On my way home, I saw this amazing Mustang Cop Cruiser that looked amazing with it's lights blazing and what not, I just had to pull over and snap a picture of the moment.Yes, that thing is in deed a cop car, and it is amazing!! Now, why Fort Wayne would need one of those things....lol, I am not too sure of, but I am glad we got one. :-)

REFLECTION day # 2

On the old pad today, I didn't have a lot to write down, but what I did write down, well it says a lot about me and where i'm at. I am going to write exactly what I wrote on my note pad.

Day 2 of 14 went a little something like this....

1.) When I was driving to class this morning just as soon as I got out of work at 8:40AM, I ran into the most intense traffic at my university. It was a crazy house, there were cars everywhere. SO, because of traffic I was coming in late & an IPFW cop stopped me because the lots ahead where I was going to park were full....he held me up for probably 3 minutes and I was already 9 minutes late. He told me that I needed to park in the parking garage, and I told him I was not going to park there. I kept yelling to him that I would not park there and for him to let me through. I said, "why should I park in the parking garage?" He told me, "I am the cop, you will listen to me!" Then he told me to wait until he could come and talk to me." After I was extremely frustrated, I pulled out my handicapp placard, and gestured to it very angirly. He said to me, "why didn't you show me earlier as he let me through?" I yelled, "it shouldn't matter...retard" And it was for sure loud enough for him to hear.

~Reflection~

R 1.) This shouts loud and clear, AUTHORITY PROBLEM! And it is so true, I do have a problem with simple authority. I would refer to all authority over me on this earth as "simple authority." If I struggle to obey simple authority, and press my luck with them, why should I think it would be any different with my ultimate authority (God)? I will go ahead and answer this, "it won't be." I need to respect all authority over me, this means taking a constant PRIDE hit, and sucking it up. I could have very easily already had my placard out for him to see, but I wanted to press my luck, and be a jerk. I wanted to be the big man, and try to make him feel little. This is very wrong wrong wrong. I didn't even seek him out afterwords to try to apologize because in that moment my heart was hard. When my heart get's hard, I justify things. That is a horrible thing to do, and another very clear thing for me to reflect and pray on. I need to remember this idea(read picture).....SEE PICTURE BELOW!I got a very hard phone call tonight. My brother in Christ, Matt....well, his wife left him tonight. She did it in a very painful way too. While he was at Bible school, she packed up her things, and put them in her car. When he got home from class, she was gone. He found out she went drinking at Buffalo Wild Wings with one of her old high school drinking gals, and he went there. He said he saw her in there on her phone, checking out guys at the bar. He sat down next to her, until she saw him. Her jaw dropped, and he went to her and asked her to come with him. He told her not to give in, and abandon her husband and her faith. She refused and walked away from him. He is really hurting right now. I know for a fact that if you took an x-ray of his chest, it would look very similar to the picture below. It is so hard to see a brother struggle so badly. I want to fix his situation, or at the very least, let him know why it is happening. But I believe and will pray that he makes correct decisions. Please pray for Matt, and for his Wife Allison, that she is protected in this time.

On a lighter note, I did have a most excellent day today. I went to my philosophy class...and well, I bet I will be spending some time in the future talking about this new class, and the people in it. I will just start off by saying, it will be interesting. ;-)