Sunday, August 31, 2008


Today is day 7 of 14 (half way done) on my time of pausing and reflecting. It is difficult, not only because I am constantly searching, praying, and seeking out things in my life that I both struggle with and defy God through. I am also taking a time to pause with someone I have grown kind of close with. I told this person that I needed to take 2 weeks to kind of separate myself and kind of see what is important. I have had to do a lot of thinking and praying about this person. It is really hard too, because I miss the contact with this person. I am really growing because of it though. I'll get right to the reflection time for today, it has been on my heart like WOW.


1.) I had some time to waste before I went to Collateral (a college aged Bible study/church service I go to on Sunday evenings) tonight, and so I of course thought about my sister. Well, I found out right before she went to MA. that she had been letting her g/f use her old car, and even drive her new car. This infuriates me because I dislike her current g/f very much. She is extremely controlling and I just see her as very nasty. It’s not even that she is my sisters gay partner, it is that I am disgusted by her personality and character. And I see that she is just taking advantage of my sister, which happens all the time. Well, I drove by her apartment and her car was not there. I can assume that she decided to let this girl borrow it for the time Mer is away. AHHHHHH!!!! So angry!!!!

R 1.) I have a very hard heart towards Dixie (Mer's g/f) because she is very blunt and out in the open about things. She is not respectful about me or my feelings towards the lifestyle. This bothers me greatly, and so it's almost like I justify my deep dislike for her. I have had several chances to love her, but instead I ignore her or am obviously fake with her. She can be the perfect opportunity for me to love unconditionally, if I want to overcome the struggle of loving everyone the same, I can just start with her. That is a HUGE challenge too. HUGE!!!

Today it took me forever to get around. I was so lazy and lethargic, I just wanted to lay on the couch and watch T.V. Well, I finally got around and went over to my university to read from the Bible. I started on the parking garage, because I really liked it up there before, but the sun was just way too hot, so I moved inside quickly. I went and read in the 24/hr study room attached to the library. After I was in the 24/hr room for a while, this girl started talking on her cell phone extremely loud, so I went outside where there was a table with a huge umbrella saving me from the sun. Once it got to about 7:00PM I went to Mer's apartment complex, that is where I did not see her car, and well found out how I really felt about know the rest from above.

Well, then I went to Collateral. It was good, and I talked with a friend about a friend. Very awesome chat, and great night. It did not end there though. On my way home, I called a guy from my Bible study, to see if he wanted to hang out. His g/f is home from college for the he was going to be with her. So, then I called my friend George. He has been in the BLOG several times I believe. Well, he got in trouble not to long ago with the law, and it made a big mess of things for him. He is really seeking change in his life too. He also lives in my neighborhood, and so I called him up to see if he wanted to sit around the fire pit with me. He did, and he came right over. 2 days ago, I texted him out of no where. I thought I saw him drive by my house, but wasn't even sure if it was his car. I had this deep feeling inside me telling me to text him. So I did, I texted him and told him this, "George, make good decisions tonight man." It turns out, he had been alcohol free for about 23 days, and two days ago he had just left his house and was driving while drinking some beer. After he got my text, he turned around and went home. Interesting what happens when you listen to God. So, anyways. We sat around the fire and talked about God, and friendships and futures. I told George that if he needed a friend to stick by him and not pull him back, that I would be there for him. We talked for a long long long time and even cooked up some hot dog's. It was really good, and it is like 2:30AM right now, and time for me to go to bed.Actually I suppose I have one last thought. The world kind of says, "once you have found yourself, you have found PEACE." I want to fight against that idea and notion and say, "once you have found Grace, you have found Peace." Ya see, once you have found yourself, if with out God, you will only be tormented by what you can not attain on your own. Once you have found God, all things are possible. Proverbs 3:5-6 & Philippians 4:13 are GOOD!


No comments: