This is day 1 of 14 where I am going to take a step back and see who I really am. I am going to look at who I really am, and where I am at spiritually with different things in life. I am going to carry around a little note pad, so that I can write things down just as soon as I see or experience them. I will be persistently praying through out the day that God reveal things to me where I need to pay extra attention to. I will do my best to be honest with myself and God. It is going to be a very consuming undertaking because all too often, I am so quick to justify my behavior. But that is what this is all about. I want to be able to recognize my short comings so that I may see them for what they are (sin) and pray and seek God’s guidance on how to change them. It’s exciting really. I am going to use my BLOG as a time of reflection on the day. I am excited, please pray for me as I go through these next two weeks!
Well, I went to my first class this morning. I made it there right on time too! I was worried because I left work at about 9:45, and the college traffic is CRAZY for the first 3 weeks or so. Tom Kāough (Irish) is my English 233 professor, and I already like this guy. He is about to turn 72, and has a lot of "spunk." He has been teaching for 45 years I believe, although he said 55 at one point. And this is what I wrote down for him when I was in class. Kind of my "first impression."
Tom is an up beat strong individual. His character is extremely blunt and caring. He has made several hint's or suggestions made towards his faith, which he did within the first 15 minutes. One of his quotes was this, "genius is simplicity, fear is what complicates." When I came into class, I saw that no one was in the front row, so of course that is where I sat. I think I am going to really like this class, but more importantly the professor teaching it seems awesome! I am excited to learn more about him and for him to learn about me.
The day is complete, and I can see already that this little experiment is having a big effect in how I act through out the day. I am already being held accountable to this notepad in my pocket. I will not be dishonest with myself. I also want to say one more thing before I write out my findings for the day.
"It's not all negative." In fact, many times I am very happy with some of the things I do, I just want to be able to "boast in grace." So, because of what I am trying to accomplish for the next 2 weeks, I am not going to be examining the positive things I do through the course of the day. I wrote down three things in my notepad today.
1.) I was in prayer, talking to God about a friend and how I wanted to be able to have a sincere prayer and pure motives with regard to him and I some how started thinking about how I could justify (lie) so I could drink on a plane....totally stupid and off basis, but that is where my mind traveled through even my most sacred of times....my prayer! I have to question that.
2.) I was driving out of my neighborhood and saw a pretty woman walking two cute dogs, I did good at first to look at her face when I passed, but after I passed her I checked my side view mirror and checked out her butt. It was a very deliberete move on my part.
3.) After I left IPFW (my university) from purchasing a book for a class tomorrow, I pulled out in front of a semi. I needed to go left, and the guy was going "WAY TOO FAST!" I risked my own life and health because I was mad because he was driving too fast.
R 1.) It may be confusing, but I know exactly what I am talking about. I was praying for a specific person, then I started thinking about traveling by airplane, and my mind traveled to drinking alcohol and how I could get drunk on a plane and just act like I was really nervous about the flight, I could lie about this and justify having too many drinks. This may show that there is still great chance for substance abuse in my life, or other things. I will have to keep thinking about this one.
R 2.) This shows that my mind is filled with trash. It also shows that I do not see women at all like Christ does. Whether this is true or not, I can not say for sure. But, maybe this is one of the reasons I do not feel like I am fully ready for a relationship. I need to get some priorities straight first, and work on a heart matter before I can fully devote myself to a "significant other" here on earth.
R 3.) This one is classic, and shows my temper just a little bit. I am in need of being in control of a situation. I would risk damage to my body and health because I wasn't gonna allow this giant truck to go storming down a street at speeds way too fast. Also, even when I pulled up to the stop light next to him, I lowered my head down and to the right so I made eye contact with him. Instead of apologizing, I just gave him a look like, "you're an idiot." and drove on. I need to keep my head out of places it doesn't belong and love people in the moments I am angry.
My devotional today was about giving your all to Christ. It was awesome because it went hand and hand with exactly the things I am talking about. I LOVE IT WHEN GOD DOES THAT! :-)