Friday, February 22, 2008

decisions are so hard sometimes

you are killing me here. I have been praying and praying that if I am not suppose to get on Tysabri, that God close doors and make it hard. Well, in the past 3 months there has been nothing but hardships related to me getting on this drug. For instance, it was so hard for me to find an infusion site. I found one and everything was all set up, and then BAM out of no where the infusion specialists quit and they told me they would not adminster the drug to me. So, we look else where. More difficulties and strange stuff. I feel that God is really speaking to me and telling me not to start this drug. I am not saying that Copaxone is the right drug for me, I just feel that Tysabri isn't right for me at this time. I don't know though. I JUST DON'T KNOW!!!! I feel so darn good, I feel like maybe I shouldn't be on anything. But people say that is foolish......I really don't know what to do but rely on God with this. I know it isn't scientific, and I can't give any emperica data to back any of my thoughts up. But, God knows what to do. I just have to rely on my faith and gut decisions I think. Do I know for sure 100%, well I guess I can't say that absloutely, but there comes a point when you just have to make a good decision based on what God has put in front of you. I think that's where I am at. I don't know just yet what that decision is though. I don't know what to do, and I am a wreck inside because of it. I don't even like to talk about it because I am usually so sure and confidet with everything. Not this though. I don't know.

I can't wait till I get to heaven and there are no more diseases. I watched this video about Autism, and it is so friggin sad. In heaven, it is going to be so wonderful. Always brings a smile to my face. Tom & I spoke at this IPFW on campus ministry called Sunago. They meet once a month and just praise God. It was awesome. And the chick in the back with the blue shirt on and the dark hair shared her testimony. It was powerful and the holy spirit was really working in that room. She lost her father to the stupid cancer fight and wow, she had a great story to tell. There was a lot of emotion in that room. Then, me and Tom shared and brought a whole new level to the stage. LOL>>>> I am actually laughing out loud, right now! Still's not so loud anymore, ok, I stopped. Wait, I just giggled a little bit. Yea, I am completely done now.


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