Friday, June 15, 2007

Good news, Bad news...story of my life

Lets start off with the bad news shall we. This little blonde has done it again. Ripped my heart out. Not in the normal way either. She couldn't handle not having a man. So, before I leave for China..she made it very clear to me how she felt. How she cared a great deal for me. She told me how much she cared for me and all that jazz. Well, I just got an E-Mail from my caring sister Merideth. She told me what was going on. Chelsy started seeing another guy while I am here getting treatment for my disease. BUT, she kept leading me on that everything was all good between us. WOW, did I fall for it hook line and sinker. Completely! Once I read the E-Mail from my sister my chest area, ya know, the vicinity of where my heart was, started to pound, and ache. Then I started shaking really bad. But, stupid me, I start thinking to myself....maybe there was just a little confusion. So, I knew I had to call Chelsy and find out directly from her. I started calling and calling until I woke her up and could talk with her. TURNS OUT, it's all true. How horrible is that? I have done nothing but support Chels, care for her, and give her my heart. Super supportive, I thought there was so much between us. IDIOT! I was stupid to even pursue things with her. She is not on the same page as me, she is extremely immature, and I guess way way more emotionally disturbed than I could have ever imagioned. It hurts, it hurts a lot. I am still shaking. I shake really bad when my stress level sky rockets like it is right now. But this is what I am going to do. Instead of reverting to my old ways, which would be to grab the nearest 24 pack and not deal with how I feel. I think I am going to finish my BLOG for today, and go back to my room, or maybe take a little walk, and pray. I am going to pray long and hard about this. Then, I am going to completely cut her out of my life, like I should have done a month ago. I don't need that kind of stress right now. But seriously, OUCH, it hurts.

And now, the good news. Ya know the old saying, BLOOD is thicker than WATER? Well, it is so true. One of my cousins, on my dads side left this comment on a previous blog.

An old Irish blessing for when you are leaving is:
May the road rise to meet you,May the wind be always at your back,May the sun shine warm upon your face,The rains fall soft upon your fields and,Until we meet again,May God hold you in the palm of His hand.Then may you be in heaven Thirty seconds Before the devil Knows you’ve gone. God bless you and your mother.
There are many Riley cousins in the US, Canada and Ireland praying for you. Dan

That makes me feel pretty special, and puts a smile on my face amidst all of the ouchyness.
This was on the visor of the passenger seat in one of the taxi cabs I took today. The driver was younger, and had his taxi cab totally pimped out. He was very proud of it, and I thought it was pretty cool too. I know it is probably not that cool, but man he was proud of it, and I am glad he could share it with me. This little cutie is the daughter of the head nurse. See that pink hair clip in her hair? I bought that for her. Her and her mom were so thankful. It felt really good to see her smile. And she is just adorable! :-)

I am going to go back to my room, take a Lunesta, and try to pass out. I can do way better than Chelsy. I need to find a girl who has God as the most important thing in her life. Maybe then I can have that true connection I long for.


Anonymous said...

hey mikey, let me just say my heart aches for your heartache.

a few words of encouragememt if i can : i was always told when i was in the dating field looking (for who turned out to be TROY), that you must always put GOD first, then family, friends, then the other stuff. and all things would fall into place.

Also, you must have a few unhappy times when dating so you will see not only what postives you want in a mate, but also the negatives that you don't want. so take this experience, look at what was good take note, look at what things you didn't like and take to heart so you will know what you want don't want. and something i had always done, pray for your mate even though you may not know who she is now. Pray that GOD will give you what your heart desires, the kind of person you not only deserve, but the one he has already picked out for you. pray that when you find this person, that you both are onthe same page with him, so that way you can help each along in your spritual walk.(he wants your mate to help you in this plan of his! keep you in track, and to be there for you.) pray for her and ask GOD to show you when you find her. pray for her walk as well, you never know what she maybe going thru as well! pray that she is with GOD and if not that she will find her way to him. Pray that anything in your own life that needs to be changed (if there is any) will be shown by him, so that you can better yourself for the GLORY of GOD and to better yourself for your mate. pray for her as if you already have her. if you get a chance, proverbs 31:10-31 gives a great defintion of a noble wife. and we all know you must date before you marry, but hey why not just jump to the prayer, it never hurts!

Pray pray pray! i have already done this for you, your heart, and know you are in our thoughts and prayers every day , includind your mom. we still need to meet your family.

i am proud you didn't turn to old ways and to beer, that shows not only growth but maturity! congrats! you are doing it! remember GOd will not let you go thru more than you can handle, there may be times you may think he is throwing it all, just remember Job and what he faced. GOD never leaves us in the dust. he will make you stronger for what you go thru. take care and GOD BLESS. amy shepherd

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You're right though, you need to find someone who is more mature and secure. If she has to have a guy around all the time, she's certainly not the type you want long term. What happens when you're married and go out of town without her? Not good. I think you're on track in realizing that you need to find someone who has God in her life and makes it a priority. Stay away from the alcohol to deal with your difficulties--that will only bring you more problems! You're on the right track! I'll pray for you!

Anonymous said...

Oh how we stumble, huh. But wow, I was intoduced to your site by a friend who told me how incredible and inspiring you are. You are! I come onto your site everyday to see what journey you are on next. I actually have you on my *Favorites* ;) How great you are to spread love and joy around the world! Heartbreaks are real and painful, especially when you think you know the person. BUT you are on your path. I believe you are to take and learn something from everyone you encounter in life and all you need to do is that. All the good things, remember them to know what you are wanting and the bad, remember them as well so that will lead you to that right girl.
It's in the valley we shall grow so moarn for her and lift up and move on. Take care and God Bless!