Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Reality can be ROUGH

SO, this is my reality. I leave for Shenyang China in 7 days. I am going to recieve a treatment that will "hopefully" slow the progression of my Multiple Sclerosis. Now, it could work, it could not work. All along I show people this strong, up beat faith filled person. This rock that is completely confident in God and myself......But, what happens if I start to worry, doubt myself, get nervous, and scared? Do I lose that confidence? Am I less of a Christian?

I don't know, and I am scared. There, I said it. I AM A LITTLE NERVOUS. I am however, going to bite my lip and be scared with Christ. Ya know, amidst all the confusion and doubting, I choose to walk down the road God has been paving for me. These are my worries.
1.) What if the treatment is uneffective for me?
2.) What if I was wrong and it was my decision over powering what God is trying to tell me?
3.) What if I am leading people astray?

Ughhh, they are stupid "what if's" and I need to stick with my heart. I am only human. I think these are normal, but dang does it feel good to get it out there. Let people know my struggle. SOOO, pray that my nerves are put back on the track they should be on, and that I am conforted in the power of the Lord.


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