Tuesday, October 16, 2007
positive mixed within the negative
While I am working out, and after I am done working out, my tremors act up quite a bit. Which begs me to ask, "Should I not be putting any unnecessary strain on my body?" Are Tremors even bad? I found an awesome site devoted to connecting people with other people in their situation. It's called DailyStrength.org, and it's awesome, and the people care a lot! It is to help people with all types of situations; cancer, genetic disorders, liver disorders, sexuality confusion, nervous system issues, etc. It is dedicated to anyone who has any kind of struggle that someone else might be able to offer some type of insight. I LOVE IT, and it seems so helpful, already people have offered all sorts of ideas and opinions on my posted questions.
I am a bit down for the majority of the day. Earlier, I got a phone call from a good friend reminding me that I can't just ignore some of the things in my past, that I must take charge and put a definite end in order to relieve myself of the issue plaguing me, he didn't say a thing about this truth, he just reminded me with the subject we were talking about that I should worry about pleasing God before any physical man. After that, a different old friend came to me in what seemed like a serious call out for help. I told this person he could call me, but he wanted to just text, so that's what we did. After the last text message between us, another friend who was in a 5 year relationship had abruptly ended it because she decided to cheat on him needed to call and just talk. I didn't do much talking, because he just needed someone to unload on. BUT, at one point when I did get a chance to offer some sort of hope in a dreary situation, he did tell me, "ya know mike, you have always been a good listener, and you're right, I feel a little bit better." It made me smile, and I hope he can get some sleep tonight.
I woke up this morning and felt a little bit over whelmed. Nothing had even happened yet, I guess I got a glimpse at the "metaphoric highway of life" that I am wanting to get on (car, school, moving on, YoungLife, New Friends, New Lifestyle) and just felt very small and insignificant. I feel very directed to become a counselor and I feel like God allowed these people to unload their burdens on me to remind me that people do trust me, and respect my input. I felt like God was whispering in my ear, "Mikey, it's ok. You don't have to have everything or anything figured out. If you trust me, and leave the confusing things up to me, it will all work out for the better, I love you and I will take care of you my child." Once I was able to grasp this notion, this vital life lesson I had, lifted my own emotional burdens right off my shoulders.
I was invited to watch Transformers, WHICH CAME OUT TODAY on DVD, with Tyler and Amanda this evening. BUT, I hadn't grasped the ~thought/idea~ that I just spoke of, so I was in a little bit of a negative mood. I was just kind of down. It wasn't until Tyler dropped me off and I was standing at the garage door typing in the pass code, I smelled smoke, it was kind of like steamy smoke. I thought to myself, "Burn Pile." Over the weekend, my dad started a burn pile for a bunch of my moms old paper files from Boxed Delites that needed to be burned, along with the stump of a very massive oak tree that use to stand tall in our back yard. Ohh, it was still burning, and I could actually still see flame. Well, I wouldn't have been able to go to sleep very easy knowing that was still burning back in the yard by the tree line. SOOOO, I got a hose, and linked it with a longer hose and turned the water on. As I was standing there for a good 7 minutes, pouring the water on this fire that had begun to burn the deeply seeded roots of this ancient tree, I realized that God is so FULL OF GRACE, and that I have nothing to worry about. I thought up a really cool metaphor, but then forgot the majority of it. It had something to do with things in our lives relating to fires that just won't go out. You want the fire to cease for your own health, and the health of others around you, but it has been burning for a while, and is very deeply seeded, it is going to take a lot of water and mixing to put it out. I have some things that I need to deal with in my life. They aren't going to catch the forest on fire, but when I do get them snuffed out finally, I will probably be able to sleep a little bit better at night. ;-)