Thursday, March 27, 2008

uber hard decision

This morning bright and early I made an extremely mature and difficult decision right after I made an abrupt and childish one. Okay, here is the story. The American Liaison for the stem cell company found out that I had an exacerbation (M/S attack) and contacted me earlier this week. The jist of our conversation went something like this, HER: "wow, well are you willing to go back to China for another treatment?" ME: (AFTER NO THOUGHT) "Yeah, absolutely, but It can't cost any more than what I have in my NTAF account(fund raising account)." HER: "well, you just let me see what I can arrange." ME: "Sweet!" Okay, understand that I am paraphrasing and probably leaving a bunch of stuff out, but this was the jist of our initial phone conversation. The rest took place via E-Mail. She gave me a figure, and then I told her that was too much money, then I gave her a figure, and she asked her "higher up's." She got back to me this morning while I was in my Psychology class. She agreed to the price, so in my mind everything was set! I E-Mailed her back right away while in class from my cell phone and told her MARK ME DOWN, LET'S DO IT!! It was all so extremely rushed, and I know I just had the allure of going back to China in my mind. Alrighty, so class gets out and I rushed home. I told my mom, and then we talked........ my mom raised some very good points that I was blinded to because of 1 track mind. It didn't matter that the stem cell transplant was a failure & it was a failure :-( I had my mind set on making this happen. Well, I love the crap out of my mom, and her ability to let me see the things I don't wanna see. So, I wrote this American Liaison back and told her this....

~I made a rash decision out of excitement. After some careful thought contemplation, and prayer I reluctantly decline your offer for the treatment. I have to take into consideration what is really best for my health, and future. Because I did not see any return from the treatment I had in Shenyang, I can only reasonably deduct that it was ineffective in my body. My basis for this is the increased lesion load on my brain and upper spinal cord. In no way am I saying that the umbilical cord stem cell therapy is ineffective, just specifically in my body. I have read how it has worked for Drew Schemera and his Lou Gehrig's disease. I know the Chinese patients I had a chance to interview while in the hospital "know" the treatment works, so I have nothing but respect for what you are doing within the company. I don't know where my disease will take me, it seems that the twists and turns for M/S are highly unpredictable. In the future it could very well become an alternative option once again. I just can't and won't say at this point. Again, thank you so much for everything you have done for me. I appreciate it so much, and sincerely feel that your looking out for my best interest.~

This was such a hard decision for me to make because I so badly love to travel. I mean, there is just something about it that excites me and I just adore it. The culture, the people, the exploration. It is all right down my ally. BUT, that would be wrong for me to do. Yea, I could have totally justified it as a medical opportunity, but that would be wrong as well because I know it didn't work. That sucks, and I think this is the first POST I have actually admitted that the stem cell transplant in China was ineffective in my body. Although if you follow this BLOG, you can tell pretty clearly that this is the case. So, that is that.

I got my TEST results back from this most current EXAM. I got an 86%, again. How can I study differently to raise my test score? I just don't know. I know it's better than th
e 66% I got on the 1st exam.
Count: 73
Average: 73.1
Median: 76.0
Maximum: 98.0
Minimum: 40.0
Standard Deviation: 15.30

I learned a valuable lesson tonight. SHAVE WITH A SHARP RAZOR!
I of course got my dad's razor and finished off the jobb, I made it look real pretty, although that little cut proved to be a bleeder.


Anonymous said...

geez that picture makes you look like jay arent wrong for wanting to go back to china..your posts from back then show you at your didnt work medically, but for your soul it did wonders, so it was worth it wonder you jumped at the chance to go back..who are human dont happy and healthy, you never know which can make you better

Mikey said...

(Jay Leno) HA!

I am so encouraged by the comments left on this BLOG. Thank you so much.