Friday, March 14, 2008

Yesterday & Today

Now I didn't post yesterday because I was so tired I fell asleep on the couch. I should have though, because yesterday was a good day for me. OK, the drive to Indy was awesome because I was just so numb. I dunno how I should even think about that. I don't know if that is wrong to be like that, but I know I really enjoyed it. Lemme explain. It was early when I set off for Indianapolis, maybe 7:00AM or a little later. I was a little grogy because I wasn't falling asleep. I took some Amitriptyline that I had stored away because I didn't have any sleep med's available. My body isn't use to taking it so it was a little bit hard to wake up from. OK, so a set off to go to Indy, and it is sunny and beautiful out, and I had some good music playing. Well, I zoned out and had a blast. My thoughts were empty, It was so nice not to think about anything for 2 hours and 10 minutes. It seems like that doesn't happen very often. I could have had a deep prayer time or thought about some of the amazing characteristics of God, but instead I just drove in my tunnel vision and LOVED IT. I wonder...Is that wrong for someone who wants and strives to be a close dedicated disciple of Christ to just zone out and be empty of thoughts for a certain amount of time? I don't know, but I do know it felt good.
So then I get to the doctors office and one of the first things they do is have me start drinking water to get my bladder filled up. I have been having bladder emptying problems for quite some time now, and they wanted to see what was up. They took an ultrasound of my bladder to make sure it was filling up properly, and they I went to the bathroom, and they took an ultrasound again to see how much I was able to empty........PROBLEM! I am having problems with the retention of water (my bladder is not letting go sufficiently) and that is bad news because it increases my chances of getting a bladder infection. Ya see having your urine just sit and sit and sit in your bladder can cause problems. That sucks, but we aren't going to deal with it yet because we have to try to get the MEDICINE WORKED OUT. I took my MRI's that I had taken last week. I hate it when the Doc has me look at my MRI's. There is so many lesions on my brain, it is kind of dis-concerning. Now, after saying that I must emphasize that it doesn't bother me. I am fully trusting God 100% with my health, it is juts an awkward feeling to know and have all this damage pointed out to you.

So, then I went over and had lunch with my cousin Dan, who works for Eli Lilly in Indy. It was so nice to see him and get to sit down and have a chance to shoot the breeze with him. One of the cooks mentioned that he was my uncle. I kind of inwardly laughed at it, but when I thought about it I suppose I have never really thought of Dan as my uncle, just really wise cousin. I can leave that as that.

He does work for an amazingly rich company though. I suppose I am constantly amazed at these pharmaceutical companie$. Just the magnitude of money that is produced and bla bla bla. The building that he works in is SO NICE and just all the nicest stuff. It was really cool to check out. He is the IT person and so because I was having some issues with my lap top, he said he would take a look at it for me. SO FAR SO GOOD DAN!! :-)

So I get home and I think I went and hung out with a friend and her Dog, and then called it quits maybe. I remember being really tired and falling asleep on the couch. But then I found this picture on my computer of some kids at Lunch from Snider (local high school) and I am not quite sure where it came from.
It was a good picture, and I remember taking it, I just don't remember when. HUMMMM. Ohh, that reminds me. My doc. at the M/S center thinks that my urine problems, memory issues, and vision bluryness all are a result of lesions on my brain. She even showed me which ones were to blame. She directed my attention to the occipital lobe. This was disturbing as well as interesting because I remembered learning about the Occipital lobe for my last exam in my Psychology class. HA! And I thought I was never going to use that stuff....


So now we are onto the happenings of today. I met with Tom and Josh at a coffee shop this morning and we spoke about what I had planned so far for my talk for next Wednesday at CLUB. I agreed that I wanted to speak on zacheeus the tax collector. I think it will go really well, and I know that God will just have to take over because anything that I can think up will fail miserably.

I was kind of down today. I don't have anyone close to my age who I really feel connected to. I don't know why that is.........well maybe a few reasons. I hung out with some Young Life kids and Tom @ Ultrazone (lazer tag) and it was alright. But it was lazer tag....What does that mean exactly??? Well, I think it means I would really like to find someone with similar interests that I can really connect with. Someone on my LEVEL in many aspects of life and it's dealings. A female would be nice as well........but I am cool to wait on that as well.
So when ULTRAZONE got out I went and watched an old high school associate play guitar with her mom and pops at another local coffee shop. She had her some talent!
Thankfully the night ended there. The reason I say thankfully, is because when I got home I thought to myself. Man, I could go for a beer. I wasn't depressed, I was maybe just in a momentary weak point. I was feeling bad for myself for no super good reason. I even made it to the front of my edition until I realized, "What the heck are you doing Mikey??" I then turned around and went home, but I was really headed to the liquor store to get a 6 pack of beer. what the heck?!?!? I want to smack myself, but at the same time be happy I had the self control to know I was in an IDIOT frame of mind. I guess I just miss having friends I could hang out with all the time....I really miss that. I can't hang out with them though because they influence me too much. I can't change them, so that means it isn't on any time schedule I am on. So, I am just kind of stuck looking. It can be pretty frustrating being a 21 year old Male who is so use to having all the friends in the world for his whole life. I want to be in this position though. The benefits of living for Christ always out weigh the negatives. These stupid pity parties do come up every now and then, and I can beat um back down into submission. Just pray that Christ gives me strength.

Actually, now that I think about it. I have been praying that I can have more faith. This could be the small steps leading to the real stuff. How can your faith increase without "faith building circumstances taking place?" I should just count my blessings and

(TO GOD)God, I am sorry I get fussy sometimes. Help me to fall on my face for you Lord. You are GRACE, I love you so much and I am lost with out you. Father, my life is so good and I am so thankful! Thanks for loving me in weakness, AMEN

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