Tuesday, November 11, 2008

my workstation....dissapointing

This was my place of dwelling for the greater part of the day. I did not have to work today on account of it being Veterans Day and what not. I did however, go to my classes, get some more minutes so I can continue to go tanning, and worked out. As soon as I finished working out, I went straight to the desk you see above. My favorite books during the whole writing process are the thesaurus and my Bible. I am done with the first paper(except for one late addition I will complete tomorrow). I am feeling like I am not going nearly fast enough though. I feel like I am quite behind in comparison to some of the other people in the class. I talked with one guy on campus today, and he said he had 16 pages done already, and he felt they were really well written. Eeesh!! I only have about 6. It will work out though, I am not going to get stressed about time management because I can handle it (self-fulfilling prophecy). That is just going to have to be that!

I was extremely disappointing in myself today. When I walked into New Haven Tanning there was this girl working behind the desk that I really had it put on my heart to talk to. I got some minutes, went tanning, and prayed for her the whole time I was in the bed. When I walked out to leave for my car, she had this look again that looked in need. I can't explain it exactly, but I knew I was suppose to talk to her for whatever reason. There was people in the waiting room, so I decided not to, and reluctantly walked out. The whole drive home I was just so compelled to turn around........but did not. I directly ignored the Spirit telling me to open up to her. That will serve as a reminder the next time I am faced with a direct decision like this one.

What did I have to be afraid of?
Was I afraid that the people in the waiting room would think I was odd?
Did I think that she wouldn't want to hear what ever it was that I was going to say?
Persecution, was that the reason???

It might have been a little of all the above. I am just super disappointed in myself because I am a vessel for the work of Christ, and I directly "quenched the Spirit" if you will.I just took a picture of myself. This picture explains exactly how I feel right now. I don't think words could explain how precisely this picture explains it.

But, I am still overwhelmed by the Love God has for me. The love that I have been writing about in this paper. I am excited to be able to share it on my BLOG when I am finished. God is good, God is great, and I thank him for this day. :-)


1 comment:

Megan said...

aww you look sad in your picture.