Get done working, whats next on the list?

Today after I got off work, I went directly to Snider High School. It was fun to hang out with some kids. I think it is going to be an important step in the direction I am heading towards becoming active in these kids life. I have to be where they are, and take interest in what they like. I am totally willing to do that too. After the game, me and a couple of guys went over to Toms house. Tom is in the lower right hand corner. Tom is a really good cook, and he made up some taco makings and we pigged out. Played some katamari, checked out Kyles techno set up, and chilled for a bit. It was pretty darn fun. I am extremely tired now, and I think it is well past time for me to go to bed. SLEEP WILL BE UPON ME!

a book and some tunEz

9:36A.M.

A very early post, but I have something to say. I had an awesome Bible study this morning. It was very uplifting and encouraging. I was really challenged to step outside the box with my Christianity. If people don't see me overflowing with Christ, then what am I really doing? I was challenged by a guy named Matt, I have a feeling Matt and I have a lot more in common than what we know, but that isn't the point. We met at Collateral and are slowely becoming closer through this Mon, Wed, Fri Bible study I have been attending only for a short time. This morning he really challenged me, and actually in a very indirect mannor. It just kind of opened my eyes a bit to how things are, and how they should be. After Bible study I went back home and got ready for work. I was looking all over for the book I have been reading "The Masters Plan For Evangelism" but it was no where to be found. God lead me to this devotional/study on Peter I started reading right before I left for China, and into the China trip a bit. I stopped for one reason or another and I am going to start it up again. There is a really beautiful quote from The Velveteen Rabbit that I want to share.

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." __Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit


After work I drove right to Best Buy and purchased a CD player for my vehicle. Now I really love every aspect of it. I guess there is only 2 aspects, it moves and it has music. BUT I LOVE THEM! After I got the CD player I went over to my half brothers house. Travis actually works at Best Buy and is super talented at installing electronics in vehicles. He hooked up my car. I tried to help him get my old AM/FM tuner out, and I cut myself. There was a lot of destruction because he didn't have the right tools for the job. I kind of asked him at the last second if he could do this for me. He is an awesome big bro, so he said yes he would help me on his day off. THANKS TRAVIS!

I took the long way home from Columbia City so I could enjoy my new tunes. I think I make really funny facial expressions, I concentrate really hard on the road though, you can tell because I have a pretty intense face going on for most of the time.

A kitty

My sisters roommate Traci got a new kitten, her name is Lucy and she is as cute as a button. I totally forgot to take a picture of her, but she is super cute and teething. She is extremely friendly and likes to be a goof ball kitten. I LOVE YOU MERIDETH, and i'm sorry I ate all the cream puffs. :-O

I love work, and I love talking to people. I talk to a lot of drivers, and their agents. This one agent talked to me for a while and he said, "I can't believe you put up with everything you put up with." I explained to him that it was my job and I actually quite enjoy it. He said he admired me...... We talked for a bit, and I enjoyed it. I like calming people down who are really mad. I feel like I have failed in some way if they hang up the phone and are still upset.

The smurf mobile is treating me quite nicely. I think I have a crush on my goofy car. I think I am going to buy it a CD player so it can feel HIP.

Well, it's getting late and I have Bible study at 6AM

I am going to try to get in touch with Reggie, Tom (Young Life Staff) is going to ask one of his teachers for his home phone number, and we are going to try to take him out on Sunday for his Birth Day. Pray that everything works out good. :-)

Winter is official.

When I woke up this morning
win-ter was on my mi---ind
and, win-ter was on, my mi---ind
I got no real troubles, whoa-oh
I got no real worries, whoa-oh
I got, no wounds to bind.

So I got my car back
and it eased a some paa--ins
I got no real troubles, whoa-oh
I got no real worries, whoa-oh
Then I came home a-gain.

I hope someone out there appreciated that parody. At least one person, I wouldn't want that to be in vain. It is official, winter has made itself known. I got my car back, and I am rocking it out in the Tempo once again. I spent big booka on it, but it is running like a champ. That makes me all tingly inside. This morning I cleared off the drive way and walks for my mom because she had Bible Study Fellowship at our house for the ladies. My mom is a leader this year, and so I had the driveway all cleared off for them. Once she pulled into the garage, I stopped her and sincerely apologized to her for going off on her yesterday out of frustration. She appreciated it, and it was a good thing. I made a couple of apologies today, and they are an important part of life. When you can sincerely apologize for a behavior or act, it shows that you are willing to take a pride hit. I think that is so vital, I am going to make a goal to incorporate that into my daily life more often. Hopefully it will serve as a reminder to NOT BE A JERK!
I had a blast at Young Life tonight. This is a picture of a game gone wrong. Maybe wrong is an over statement. I should say, "game gone funny." The objective was to put an orange in the pantie house, then put the pantyhose on your head. Once this is accomplished, you must try to wrap your pantie hose around your opponents pantyhose, pulling it off his/her head without using your hands. Well, turns out this is a really hard task to accomplish. It was really funny though.

The best part of Young Life came when I got to take full advantage of having a vehicle. I got to give these 3 guys a ride home. God was definitely in that car ride too. They kind of lived on the "other" side of town, and I didn't have a clue where to go. Well, I prayed that got keep us safe, and that I wouldn't look like a complete fool. I completely guessed where to go. Turns out, I was right on. This was pretty amazing to me, because this was not my side of the rail road tracks, and I really was driving blind, and these kids offered me no direction what-so-ever. I think I found one of my target kids too. I am so pumped, and specific prayer can be for me and Reggie. That he would be able to see that I am genuinely interested in him and his life, and that I can connect with him. His birth day is on the 9th, and I am going to try to get a hold of his home phone number so I can give him a call, and maybe take him out for a late night b-day dinner or something like that. I am excited to see where God will take this.

I gotta check myself sometimes.

This evening I was just burdened with world-weariness. Yeah, I like that word. I was burdened with ~life acts~(car issues), nothing new or shocking; I suppose I just took it the wrong way. My vehicle, which I only got to drive for a full 5 days is currently in the shop. I called the shop this morning around 9:00A.M. I ask them to change out the transmission fluid along with all the other stuff, as well as get an idea of where they stood time wise. I took the car in on Friday and they said it would be ready on Tuesday, TODAY. Well, he told me on the phone this morning that I could pick it up at 5P.M., and I was cool with that. As my mom is driving me to the shop, I see we are running a little behind schedule, so I call them to make sure they know I am still coming…..the usual guy doesn’t pick up. Some gentlemen named Mike picked up and asked me, “You say you’re coming for the Tempo? That thing is in pieces, the part just came in about an hour and a half ago, no way it can be ready for you.” DANG, seriously I wanted to have my vehicle back so bad at that point; I wanted the freedom and independence that I have been longing for back so badly it made my chest hurt. I even got short with my mom, the woman who gives me everything and expects nothing in return. I got short with her because I was upset that I couldn’t have my vehicle back when I wanted it back. SMACK IN THE FACE! It was like a reality check, and I really had to check myself. I didn’t even apologize to her, I just stayed quiet and felt really bad as she drove me to Leo High for gymnastics practice. I know that first thing I am going to really let her know how much I love and appreciate everything she does for me, and that I am so sorry for taking out any discouragement I might have had on her. That is so wrong of me. So not loving, and selfish. I was really ashamed at myself.

Gymnastics practice went great. I am so happy to be back with the girls, and it is so cool to see how far some of them have come. I remember when the now Seniors were Freshmen and far from their current ability level. It is so much fun to be back in an atmosphere where I can encourage in my own style, and get them really motivated. I can come up with goofey off the wall tactics to make them laugh, but at the same time, point out their mistakes so they can learn. I am blessed to work with Lori and Michelle too. They are great coaches and I really enjoy them. I believe the feeling might be shared for me as well.

Above was a Roster taken from a Fort Wayne, MAD ANTS Basket Ball Game!! Ohh yea, be very intimidated by these Ants, because they will walk all over you.....wait...... The name circled in red is Heidi Busch - P.R. and Media Relations Representative. That is my best friend Jared's sister. She is rocking, and her education totally came in handy! You gotta love it when things work out. Must just be totally ironic. ;-) It was so nice to hang out with Jared & his mom and dad at the B-Ball game. Growing up, it was like a second home to me. I know me and Jared will be hanging out more now that I have me some wheels. For shizzle my nizzle we will! As me and Jared were exiting after the game, the dancers/cheer leaders were standing together at one of the exits. Chelsy yelled my name and we spoke for a bit. I noticed she wasn't performing this evening, and it turns out she hurt her back some how. It was slightly awkyard, but I am glad she called me over. The only way to move past that feeling is to face it head on and smile.

The Ants seem to be playing much better. The team they played today from Bakersfield was really not good, but I think I really did notice some improvement. It's always fun to be in an atmosphere where people accept you screaming at the top of your lungs anyways.

Car should be ready tomorrow at NOON, but if it isn't, it's no sweat off my back. "wink, wink. nudge, nudge."

off my chest

Today at work I spent the majority of my free time in The Master Plan of Evangelism by Robert E. Coleman again. I get really uncomfortable at work because I separate myself from the usual. The usual includes swearing, 1 sided jokes and inappropriate talk. I just kind of cringe inside when I see and hear it. I find comfort in the verses and I study it deeply. This is the only way for me. I have been praying alot lately that God puts in on my heart who I am suppose to really target with Young Life, and I am excited to go to Snider High School on Wednesday with 2 of the Young Life staff at lunch time to just be around the kids. It will be interesting to see how they react as well as how I react. I have really high hopes, and I think that is the best thing to have. If you have really low hopes, or no hopes, then what can you possibly hope to get out of a situation or accomplish?

Lauren and I talked again today on the phone. I felt like I was brutally honest, I just hope I was honest and clear. I think it is good to be 100% honest, as long as your intentions are pure, and you don't have any kind of hidden agenda. Constructive criticism goes both ways though, if you are going to hand it out, you'd better be ready to take it if need be. I would be greatly disappointed if Lauren and I couldn't walk away from this without having a healthy friendship. I just hope that bomb doesn't hurt someone else, or roll back towards me and blow a foot off.

I am pumped to get my car back tomorrow. I have felt like a young child that was just given a brand new toy, and then ate cookies without asking permission and got it taken away. I WANT MY TOY BACK! lol. I hope that friggin car is ready for me to drive it, cuz drive is what i'm gonna do. oh yes, driving is predicted in my 7 day forecast.

HEALTH UPDATE

I made a very bold decision today. I decided to go ahead with the TYSABRI, the once a month M/S Monotherapy. I talked on the phone with the company that is in charge of reintroducing the drug to patients through out the U.S. for about 35 minutes today. As I talked with the agent that is in charge of my drug profile, I felt confident about what he had to tell me, and think it is the best decision for me. God is in control of my health, even when I don't think he is. I have to be okay with that and move on. I made my decision, it is final and now I am moving on. It's as simple as that. BAM!

Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire

Today at work it was phone call after phone call, I enjoy it though, and all the different types of people to deal with can be a test in patience and mouth shutting at points. When I got home I was exhausted. I was so tired I kept falling asleep on the couch. I didn't go to Collateral because I was just beat. I think I know the reason why, and it isn't a big deal, just ughhh. Today I had the chance to watch the movie Hot Rod, IT WAS VERY FUNNY, stupid funny, but FUNNY!!!

I gotta go to work an hour early tomorrow because my car is in the shop, my moms car is in the shop; she is using my dads van tomorrow and he is getting a ride to work, because she has a job out south she is just going to drop me off early then go to her clients house to draw blood and what not. It sucks that I have to be at work a whole hour early, but maybe they will let me clock in early..........prolly not, but who knows. Tomorrow I start the schedule that I will be on for the majority of the time. 9:30-7:00. Thursday-Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off. It isn't too bad of a time frame, but it isn't fun to get to when you don't have a vehicle and depend on someone else. I really hope the car runs good after they replace the head gasket. I Hope, I Hope, I Hope, I HOPE!

some snow 'n stuff

I just got done watching the best movie. I am not out and about because of the current health status of my vehicle. So, I decided to try out On Demand with the Verizon FIOS T.V. I watched a movie called Lives of Others. It was a movie in German with all English sub-titles. I was amazed how hooked I was on it. It cost like $2.99 to rent it off the digital cable, but it was such an amazing movie. The end was really the kicker too. I love it when a movie really smashes the ending perfectly like in this one. I highly recommend this movie, especially if you don't mind reading captions during a movie. I stayed dry the whole movie, and some of it was slow, but still held your interest surprisingly well. I didn't tear up till the very end. Beautiful, those Germans know how to put together a film.

Today at work I spent every second of my free time in this book that Josh gave me for Young Life. The book is called The Master Plan of Evangelism by Robert E. Coleman. It quotes a lot of scripture, so I just read it right in front of the computer. I have 2 Internet Explorer tabs open, one is for scripture; Biblegateway.com the other is for looking up words, pretty simple really; dictionary.com. The book is starting to fill with side notes, thoughts, scribbles, etc. It is a really great way to fill free time. I had a really good day at work today. I just block out the negative parts.

Yesterday evening I had it put on my heart to talk with Lauren. I don't use that expression as a cop out either. Sometimes I think people say that God puts things on their heart because they just want a quick easy way out of something, and they want to be able to use God as a cover up. Well, this was not the case. I'm not suppose to be with Lauren, we are in 2 separate places, and don't really mesh with each other. I can honestly say it was a mutual decision. Again, people use that expression as a cop out all the time as well. But this time, Lauren and I both felt the same way. I think our friendship will stay. I am confident with the decision. I say this dissapointed, but sure.

It's Christmas time!! Ohh yes, the snow fell today and Christmas is officially here. I have some video footage to prove it.

After I watched The Lives of Others, I was pumped and wanted to do something creative. Well, I couldn't really get creative, so I decided to just make a small 45 second video. ENJOY my mothers pretty Christmas decorations.

A really cool thing happened before I started watching the video. All day I thought about Jared, and told him what I wanted to invite him to on my B-Day on the 18th, and just thought about him through out the day today. So, what happens? He calls me and invites me to a Mad Ants, B-Ball game tomorrow. HA! His sister Heidi works for Mad Ants. Pretty cool stuff!!

Anti-freeze and Awesomeness

(I don't have a gray cat)

So, the Smurf Mobile (my car) has had a bit of a green runny nose, all over the drive way actually. I decided it was time to take it to get looked at when I could smell anti-freeze when I got out of the car. I kind of had a feeling it was something a little more serious than what I was hoping it would be, but I stayed optimistic. Well I decided to take it to a shop that I trust, and see what they thought. My fears were realized when they told me it had a bad head gasket. Now, this put me in a bad mood for a bit, but I got over it. I got the car for free, so if I can pay $636.51 and it will allow the car to last, then I feel like that is well worth it. I do know that I have tasted the independence that I have been longing for, and I will do anything to keep that. I think that I made the right decision, and I am comfortable with it. The money isn't an issue, and a good job helps. It will be alright. Above all, God provides, i'm most comfortable in that.

I had a great little sit down with Josh V (Young Life staff) this morning at a local coffee house. It was quite refreshing and motivating as I listened to the up beat and excited message he conveyed. The gist of the conversation is that it is time for me to take the next step in my leadership role with the kids. I am so excited that this moment is here, and I am so eager to see where God is going to take this. I am pumped to get to start some lasting relationships with kids where I can just LOVE. It’s really amazing what God can do with a willing participant.

Another thing that raised my spirits was when I had a chance to talk with my friend Mike Gann on the phone. Mike and I became really good friends when I went to school up in Traverse City, MI. We were really close and have continued our friendship even though he now lives in Phoenix. The good news that Mike gave me was about his new JOB! He got a Personal Banker position with Wells Fargo. Mike was interviewing against guys with brief cases and in nice suites, he has no education other than a High School Diploma and a few college courses. There were several interviews that he had to go to, and they didn’t seem to get him anywhere. Then, he gets a phone call from like a district manager of Wells Fargo, and got offered a position. He gets paid like 15/hr plus commission. This is a really good thing for Mike because he is a natural salesman. I could hear the excitement in his voice. He moved to Phoenix with his g/f Kaitlyn about a year and a half ago, and has just excelled tremendously. He has a house; they both have nice cars, a boat and now a career to look forward to excelling in. I’m so proud of him, and totally excited to see where he is going to go with this. I always tell him how much God blesses him. I think he “knows” but feels uncomfortable with an indefinite decision to something that is higher than his own. I love Mike, and without sounding like a father figure, I am super proud of him.

how did I miss that?

Today is post ~368~ I wanted to make a special post at 365, that way I could say, "I can't believe it, I can say I have been posting for over a year now, and I really can say I officially enjoy it." So, I guess you can read that and believe I am being sincere, but 368 posts just doesn't sound quite as glitzy and glamorous as 365, ya know? I have to say that my 368th post is ALMOST as cool as this Lego taxi station set #668.It is definitely cooler than this New York shield, made to the specifications of the Manual on Uniform Traffic Control Devices (MUTCD), 2003 Edition. ~*I don't know what this is*~

It's way cooler than both of those.

However, it's not cooler than the 365th post which marks the point I reached when I could officially say I have posted an entire year! I like that a lot.

I was BUSY at work today. Phone call after phone call made my day fly by. I took my 1/2 hour lunch, but didn't even have time to take any breaks. I loved it, and wished every day was like that. I am feeling more and more confident with my job. And even when I run across a problem that I am not positive about, I feel confident with my problem solving skills. It is really an interesting skill to have. Multi-Tasking is the name of the game.

I am so glad I have a chance to be back with some gymnasts. I love to motivate them, and explain why doing that sport is so much more than bending and balancing. How it can really effect a lot of things you encounter in life. The girls really seem to see that I am being genuine with them, and that is a huge plus for me. Tomorrow is my day off, I have Bible study early at 6:00A.M., then I am going to find a time to meet up with Josh(Young Life Staff) and for the rest of the day, well I'm not quite sure what I am going to fill that with. I have a car, so it could really go anywhere. ;-)

!#%&*HEALTH and LIFE UPDATE*&%$*^

I feel really good. I have been sleeping soo good at night. I still have crazy and vivid dreams almost every evening, but I sleep so well, I think it is happening because I am reaching the REM stage of sleep every night. This is the deepest form of sleep where your dreaming occurs. My tremors are still existant, but seem very minor. I haven't been staying on my work out schedule because of all the crazy amounts of activities I have to fill my time, maybe that is why I don't notice the tremors. My relationship with Lauren is progressing at a pace I feel comfortable with, and I am really happy with that. She seems comfortable with that as well; at least as much as I can tell. I feel so blessed to have a car, to ME, life is so much more fufilling, and I am so blessed to be able to give back. I haven't started up a new medicine treatment as of yet. I am really having second doubts about the TYSABRI too. My relationship with God is growing to new heights, and I feel like the more time passes, the more I see the man God wants me to become. I'm trying to put others before myself.~"the first shall be last, the last shall be first"~ I'm not scared about my health.

Straight to Young Life.

Another early morning Bible Study today. It was great and we got into some really deep conversations while we took turns reading out of Matthew. It is so cool because we just dig into the word and whatever comes of it comes. Open forum, and I really like that. Whatever the spirit puts on your heart, we talk about.

As soon as I clocked out at work today I quickly went to the bathroom and changed clothes. I got in my car and went right to Young Life. I had a blast tonight at YL! I got a chance to interact and take a leadership role more tonight that I have since I started. I felt comfortable, and I felt like the kids were comfortable with me as well. It was as though it was shared mutually. That was my simple take anyway.

After YL I went over to see Lauren for a bit. It's nice that I can do that. Just drop by and say hello, then leave. It is very independent. I went for a little drive then. I went to a local park, and parked by the river and listened to Christmas music and watched the water flow by. I just thought. I got home and read a note from my dad. He said that he thinks my car has an anti-freeze leak. Pray this isn't true. I know I will be.

I'm so tired, I am out like sour crout!

going good, Gymnastics and HOLY CRAP!

At work I am starting to feel comfortable with the protocol or standard procedure when I take a call. I know what to say, what to type, where to look for information and what to write down. It is a beautiful mix of multitasking and problem solving. It is so much fun when it is constant and the phone calls are coming in a strong stream. When it is slow, it is the most boring thing in the world. During the slow times I really try to keep up on my hand to eye coordination (I play online video games).After work I rushed to my former High School for Gymnastics practice! I forgot how much I love to hang around with these girls and motivate them in their activities. It's great, and I am so glad Michelle thought of me when she needed an extra person. It is so cool to see some of the Senior girls this year. There is Kindra, Jackie and Kaitlyn. They were just Freshmen when I was a manager my Senior year, and it is really cool to see how they have moved into leadership positions. I am really looking forward to helping out with the girls again.

I am exhausted though. I don't have much time for many other things. In my opinion, this is a good thing, I watch less T.V. and stay active. Having a car really changes everything.

Speaking of CAR!! On my way to Leo, I was on a small stretch of road called Popp that is near my house. There is one part of it where the tree line comes to both sides of the road, and 3 deer ran onto the road as I was driving by. One of them was ran right in front of me, and I managed to swerve past him. Another one made it accross the street and wasn't an issue. BUT, the third one ran right into the back of my car!! Yea, I haven't even been driving a whole week, and a deer ran directly into my car. I was going probably 45MPH too. The grace of God kept me from hitting that first one though. I was shaking pretty badly after this happened though.

Bible study and a computer

This morning I started out with a Bible study with some guys from Collateral. It was at 6:00A.M. and I loved it. We just read and discussed the word. I felt the sincerity in that room, and it was just such an uplifting way to start the day. It is so good to feel excepted in a setting like that.

When I went to work today, I got a chance to move into my own desk and to personalize a computer that I will be solely using. The good news doesn't stop there either. I talked with Michelle Stronczek; the Gymnastic Coach from Leo. She has asked me if I would be willing to take a coaching position. I LOVE hanging out with the gymnastic girls, so of course I said yes. I am planning on going to Leo (my old high school) tomorrow to check out the situation and see if my work hours will mesh well with practice time. I am pumped for that. In high school, my only high school letter was for gymnastics managing, 3 YEARS STRAIGHT!! I had a blast, so I know this could be a great opportunity.

your grace is enough

I have a the song, Your Grace is Enough by Chris Tomlin stuck in my head. It is such a great song, and when I sing it, I believe the words. I am filled by what the words mean.

This morning I picked up Lauren (that is so cool that I can say that now) and we went to her old church, Calvary Chapel. They meet at North Side High School in Fort Wayne. It was an amazing service, and the Pastor was a very passionate speaker. I was absolutely enthralled by the message, and took a lot from it. It hit on some areas that I was struggling to understand or see in situations I ran into last week. It is so refreshing when you can walk away from a lesson from scripture and say to yourself; “ohhhh, yeah I get it now God.” The message was on what the World View is, and what our Biblical World View SHOULD BE. I have to share my notes, because they are so good. I also have to note that I believe that the Bible is pure, unadulterated, unquestionable truth given to us by the father so that we may be like him. I think questioning any part of the Bible is a sin, and shows lack of faith. If God is amazing enough to part the Red Sea, then he is amazing enough to bring us PURE TRUTH in text form, even through all the time and translations and humans who wrote it.

World View
Materialism -Luke 12:15
Narcissism/Individualism or me first mentality. Matthew 16:24(deny thy self)
Hedonism or feel good life style Proverbs 21:17
Pluralism/Pragmatism or whatever works for you life style. Proverbs 16:25
Atheism or God does not exist, and if he does, he doesn’t matter approach. Romans 1:20-22
Humanism “YOU are your own GOD”
The sincerity myth, as long as you’re a good person, it’s all good. John 14:6
The situational myth, Morals change depending on the circumstances. Luke 10:27

Biblical World View
Learn the truth. Proverbs 23:23
Discern what is false. 1 John 4:1
Turn from the world, to the word. Proverbs 15:14
Concern yourself with God’s agenda. 1 Corinthians 14:20

I went to Collateral tonight after a Young Life meeting (which was great and very motivating) and we studied some more about Elijah. We studied it in the really awesome format that we used last week. An open forum where all are included, I took some killer notes there, but I am just too tired, and I am going to go to sleep. :-)

I still got it.

(These pictures were taken at a very close range, but there was a window between me & the geese, I don't think they could see through it either.)

Today at work, I learned something about geese, just by observing how they interact with each other and their environment. We have a couple of ponds and a lot of grass areas at work, so it is a geese haven. They use it kind of like a truck stop while they head South. I know this because they aren’t around for very long; maybe 3 or 4 hours. They usually group up with each other in small groups of 3 to 5 and get, what seems to be some rest. They do it in the most peculiar way though. As both pictures show, they only stand on 1 foot, or webbed thingy, I don’t know the actual term for a duck foot. But, I know they only stand on one at a time; pretty darn good balance too. They curl their neck back and stuff it in their feathers, probably to keep them as warm as possible. But, one of the geese always keeps watch out over the others. They take turns doing this and they nibble on the grass and my left over Ham Sandwich. They seem like very reliable creatures, and they are continually watching each others back. I respect the GOOSE now, after observing this. Also, I would not want to make one angry. They could totally rip your jugular right out of your throat. They have some fierce claw action!

Lauren came over and we hung out until the clock struck midnight and my license was officially UN-SUSPENDED!! WHOOP WHOOP!!!! I can not think of a way to properly thank Dave and Tammy for giving me the smurf mobile. I am already in love with this car, mostly because it has given me so much of my freedom and independence back. It may sound silly, but I feel like I got a piece of myself back today. I am a driver, and the last year and 2 months really sucked horribly. I took it in strides, and stayed positive. The waiting paid off and now I am going to keep this privilege. I felt like king of the road driving down Maplecrest with my Christmas music playing loud and proud. I make the decisions where to turn now, I decide how fast to go, and when is a good time to start breaking. I don't have to feel tense about someone else being in charge of my attendance. It's on me, and I feel FINE. I could sing a song to describe how happy it makes me to be driving again.

I have a good life. I am quite thankful.

HE SHOOTS.......he misses

I enjoyed today quiet thoroughly. It started off slow, which was nice because I got a chance to let all the turkey and gravy set in my stomach. I woke up at a leisurely pace and got some really good news from Lauren around 3:30. Then, she came over and we enjoyed each others company for a bit. My aunt Jackie got a chance to meet her and approved, “of course.” Then it got a bit interesting in the best way. I got a chance to spend some quality time with a new friend. Ryan Pelton got free tickets to a MAD ANTS basketball game. The Mad Ants are Fort Wayne’s premiere B-Ball team and tonight was their first game. When I say premiere I mean debut basketball team. It was their first game, and I have a feeling they won’t be around for long. There was a B-Ball team in FW a while back called the Fury. They were short lived as well. A little bit managing, and a little bit suck. Maybe the Mad Ants will have good managing and just be able to work on the suck part, I suppose time will tell. I did have a really good time with Ryan though.

There was a bit of an ironic twist at the game. There was something familiar about one of the cheer leaders. I was so far up though, I couldn’t know for sure…..”wait, the spot light cleared things up for me during the beginning dramatics.” It was Chelsy, she is one of the cheer leaders/dancers for the Mad Ants. It is a very fitting job for her, and I say good for Chels. There was one great and most entertaining part about the game though. HALF TIME! We got to see The_Puppeteers perform live, and it was amazing. It was so cool because I have seen this guy perform before, and so it was really cool that I got a chance to see him live. The announcer at the game said he was from Vegas, and I dunno, it was just a pretty fun show to watch. The guy has got a good show going for him. He uses animatronics’ to operate the faces of the puppets, and can really work it!

I found out something pretty amazing. If you go to Google IMAGE search and type in Eternal Stud Muffin, my face pops up. HOW COOL IS THAT?!? I really got a kick out of that....but at the same time, it didn't really suprise me. ;-)

After the B-Ball game, I went back to Laurens house and played a little Apple for Apple, the "board game." It was me, lauren, meg(her sis) and her friend nicole. We had a good time, and I have decided to try to incorporate board games into my life as much as possible.

Thankful

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

I am thankful for so many things. The really cool thing about a day like today is that it put's everything into perspective for you.

thank·ful (thăngk'fəl) adj.
Aware and appreciative of a benefit; grateful.
Expressive of gratitude: a thankful smile.

Right when everyone got together in the living room before everyone went and got their food, my mom asked if anyone wanted to share what they were thankful for. My cousin Jennifer said worded it pretty darn good. Jennifer explained that she was so thankful that through all the years she was still able to come together as a family on Thanksgiving. That she has some of her fondest memories from past Thanksgiving’s. There were a lot of heads nodding in agreement as she spoke. It made me realize that my biggest supporter besides my Mom and Dad of course is my family, full or half. They have always had my back and loved and supported me through everything they possibly could. When I needed to go to China, I know for a fact that many people in my family stepped up to the plate in a variety of ways. It just feels good to know you have so much unconditional love from such a big body of people.
This is a shot of me and Cloe playing a little checkers. I taught her how to play checkers, and she showed me how to play Chess on a piece of paper. She explained that Chess was much easier to play, and would have loved to show me how; if only we had a chess set......
This thanksgiving I am thankful for......

God’s grace, my parents, my sisters, my half brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, Jared, a home, privileges, friends, food, laugh’s, smiles, good smells, memories, compassion, beauty, Lauren, a vehicle, a bed, intelligent conversation, realness, babies, accountability, music, skiing, stories, love and the ability to enjoy life to the fullest no matter what it may throw at me.

Ohh baby!

Everything worked out today and I officially have a licensed vehicle with legit insurance, 6 months paid in full. I am so stoked for the 25th to be here as soon as possible. Maybe, just maybe, I can get someone to take me to the car at midnight on the 11:59 on the 24th so I can drive my car right as my license becomes Unsuspected. Ohh, that would be amazing! I am so totally stoked to just have the freedom to come and go as I please. It has been a long long time. There are so many places that I want to go!!! I love how my license plate says, "In God We Trust!" Way to go Indiana!

My mom gives so much. We are having like 50+ people coming to our house tomorrow for Thanksgiving. She has a million things to get ready for, prepare, cook, etc. But, she took time to put me first, "like always." She went and got my insurance for me, and tried to get my license plate. She had to do this because originally I had to work till 6:30 and the BMV closed at 5. Well, I got let out of work a little early and got it taken care of just in the nick of time. Budda bing, budda boom. There are some HUGE birds in our house right now. I believe one of them is over 23lbs. That is a big turkey.

Every day that I am at work, I feel that much more comfortable with being able to do my job on my own. More and more confidence every time I take a phone call. It's great, I really enjoy talking to all these different people. I especially loved the phone call where this guy had the strongest Jamaican accent I have ever heard mon. :-)

~HEALTH UPDATE~

Well, I feel really good. I have this feeling inside of, "What is coming next?" It's not that i'm not trusting God, or that i'm nervous for my future. It is just a feeling that you can't really control. You can only control how you react to it, and how you portray your emotions. I am doing really good in that area, if I may say so myself. Tremors are still apparent, but very minimal, and usually only during or after I work out. I don't think that is something that I can really do anything about at this point. I don't know if it is even something to worry about. It doesn't effect my life or lifestyle in a negative way at all. It is just something that my body does to remind me that I have M/S. Other than the occasional odd feelings, and the dramatic dreams I have all the time. I feel super healthy, and in great spirits. God is so good.

A CAR!!!!

OK, it is a 1993 Ford Tempo. Ohh, it's a stick shift. Guess how much I had to pay for it? NOTHING! OK, some very great people/friends of the family; Dave & Tammy Snyder gave this car to me free of charge because, "my mom & dad watch their dog Zoey for them when they need us to." It's crazy because my dad loves watching that dog, and they are just very kind people. I told Dave that $3oo was fine, but he told me no. I accepted. It only has like 105,000 miles on it. I know it's nothing special, but it is a CAR, and it's MINE. All I have to say is Praise be to God on high. I'm so totally pumped to drive this thing. If everything works out tomorrow, I will be driving it by Sunday!

Work was good, and me and Lauren watched American Gangster at my house on DVD. I met a guy who burnt me a copy of it for me. It was ok, but not as good as I thought it was going to be.

I NEED HELP. If anyone could offer me some insight as what to say, I would greatly appreciate it. I kind of got into a discussion with this person in a different BLOG, and now I am kind of stuck. I don't want to just stop posting because I strongly dissagree. I could really use some help from my scripture people, i'm just not there yet. I do say YET.

http://www.haloscan.com/comments/diverl/7212893143333105568/?src=hsn

EEG Update

Well, we (mother & I) spoke with the Indiana Center for M/S and they reported that my M/S is not causing me to have "mini strokes." This means that no further medication is needed in that area. Also, in regards to the Tysabri, maybe we can try something different before moving to such a drastic choice. I am going to write the Center and see about at least trying Low Dose Naltrexone. That would be just fine with me. I would much rather try LDN and it not work, and then go to Tysabri. Cuz, what if it does work. Well, that is the constant question with M/S. WHAT IF?

I can't believe how tired I am for just sitting in front of a computer all day. Seriously, I feel worn out. Ohh, I got some disappointing news today. I found out that TEMPS don't have access to the Work Out facility. awwwww Shucks! I was actually looking forward to being able to work out there after work once I get a car.

(Not actual car)Speaking of getting a car, I think I may be in a vehicle and driving by Monday, the 26th. Now, this would not be a glamorous vehicle for which I could show boat around, but after a year and 3 months of NO DRIVING, anything that moves will do for now. Seriously. If I can get a car that will just last for 6 months while I save up some cash, well, that would work just great for me. YUP YUP! I think I am going to go to bed early today. Then I think I will wake up early and do a little bit of early morning pumping of IRON!, go to work, and get tired all over again. Tomorrow after work I will be able to go and see the car possibility.

encouragement & the Word

On the 14th I got an E-Mail from a couple named Jeff and Debbie McKinney (parents of a boy @ my dad's school). I believe they started to follow my story when I was in China and just took an interest in My life, My journey. Well, on the 14th they replied in regards to my excited baptism Mass E-Mail I sent out and I wanted to share their comments because it is very powerful and true.

Once you've been "baptized in the holy spirit" you are born again of incorruptible seed. It can never change; you will always be God's son whether you got dipped or not. The important thing is that you confessed Jesus as your Lord and believe God raised him from the dead. That's really the beginning of a life walk with your heavenly Father. He is always there for you and will never leave you, for He is good always. –Jeff and Debbie McKinney

Tonight at Collateral, they had an amazing format for reading and discussing the scripture. The guys in the front are the fearless leaders. Starting from the left is; Pat, Nick & Brian. Pat is wonderfully gifted in the scripture. He is extremely knowledgeable and wise. Yea, I think Wise is probably the best way to put it. So is Nick and Brian, but Pat's perspective is just so deep. Nick is the worship leader for Collateral and gave a more contemporary view, mixed with a bit of personal experience. He was able to bring the relational part into focus. Brian does an amazing job of holding everyones attention and bringing it close to home with his stories and loud, in your face input. They meshed so well together, and it just really worked good tonight. The lesson tonight at Collateral reinforced a feeling I had, and pushed me to let that feeling out. After Collateral, I went back to Lauren's house with her cuz Brittney. We watched Little Miss Sunshine and then Lauren took me home. It was when Lauren took me home and I invited her inside to get this "feeling" out of me, that I believe I made a defining moment in our relationship. I see great things for the two of us, and certain things need to be said EARLY ON, in order for everything to run the way God intends it to. They were said. :-)

goof ball to the max.

Is it normal to bring such enthusiastic entertainment upon yourself at any given time? I swear, you could set me down in front of a mirror and I would be laughing at myself in no time. Not like a small smirk or giggle, I am talking about a full blown, full body laugh. Then, when I realize I am just laughing at myself, I think it’s funnier and laugh more. Its good stuff, it is.

Today I started off the Saturday a little earlier than origionally planned, but it worked out for the best, by far. Lauren picked me up a bit after 9 and we went over to IPFW (Local university) and I got a chance to see some of her art work and artistic ability at work, IN PERSON! It was really cool, and I so enjoy being around her.

Here is a pic. of her diligently working away at one of her tiles she is doing for a project she is working on.

When I went home, I got lazy and laid on my couch. That's right, I had pretty low energy and felt like doing nothing more than laying on the couch and watching this thing. I'm not quite sure what it is called yet, but it seems to be all the rave right now. It is in some sort of box and displays images and sounds in sequences. It's quite interesting, Telnamision or something like that. I don't know, but if you are laying on a couch, it is really fitting. While endulging in this practice, I totally spaced out and missed Dave church. I was sooo tired though, I guess it was just one of those days.

THANK YOU READERS!

OOOPS!!

I did something really stupid on yesterday's BLOG. Something that I really felt stupid about. I posted some papers that had way too much personal information on them. Thankfully though, there are several honest readers who have got my back. Then, when I got home from work, my brother Troy called me to tell me directly and I changed that ASAP. Then, I went to my bank and informed them of my mistake. They put a kind of hold on my account so that extra authorization is required for extra verificdation purposes. I felt like a DUMMY!

This will be the computer that I take over. Mine will probably have more reminder notes than this one though, HA! Every time I listen to someone I get a little bit closer to being able to do the job on my own. I can take phone calls, put the information in the computer, and write out a slip. I just have to have someone listening over my shoulder to be there to help me if I get fouled up. This kind of stuff is so new to me. I am so use to working in jobs that are extremely strenous on the body. I have worked jobs that are in the construction field since like my sophomore year in High school. This being said, my resume is filled with manual labor jobs. That is why I am so thankful for this position, they gave me a chance, so I want to prove myself!! The picture above the computer really shows where i'm at though. Gives a whole new meaning to a "Cubicle" position. LOL! It's all good though.

It's decided.

I am totally going to be able to do an awesome job at work. I know I will like it too. It will constantly be something new and challenging, and I will get to deal with all different types of people day in and day out. I am stoked to get as much experience as possible so everything will start to flow smoothly. I am finding more and more short cut's every time I sit down with a new person. It is really pretty cool to get everyone's input and then pick and choose what is the best way for yourself.

After I got home from work today, I was beat. For not doing anything physically strenuous whatsoever, I was surprised how tired I was. I ate some dinner and got minimal couch time. I managed to stay awake long enough for a quarter after seven to roll around. Logan Simmerman picked me up and we went for a drive. Logan had a tragic loss in his family recently and I wanted to reassure him that I am keeping him in my prayers and thought life. We went for a drive and ended up parked in front of his house for a bit and just talked. We talked about all sorts of things, and considering the situation he is in, I think he is really handling himself very well. Emotionally he seems to be dealing, and the way he spoke about things when I asked him questions gave me the impression that he is dealing with deep seeded hurts. Or, at least taking all of the new feelings into consideration, so that he can deal with them when he understands them a little more. A good smile, from a great dude who ran into some tough times. God is good in all things.

I have made my decision. I am going to start the Tysabri. I have signed the papers and they will be sent out tomorrow. Then, it could be up to 3 more weeks until I start the first Monotherapy. I feel fairly comfortable with my decision. Comfortable, not confident. But, at this point, I will accept that.

What the heck do I do?

At work I am finished being read to. I got moved onto listening to actual phone conversations, this is really awesome because this is where I think I will get the hang of it. I am so pumped to become good at this. WHOOP WHOOP!!

Young Life was awesome tonight. Josh dressed up as this awesome character

I think the character was called Sleepy Steve. He really did an amazing job of staying in character and occasionally wet himself. It was totally appropriate though. HA! I felt really included tonight at Young Life, and got a chance to get up in front of the kids. I feel so awesome about what is going on there, and feel so proud to be a part of it, to even be a part of the team. I could feel the sincerity tonight. Maybe I shouldn't share this, maybe it isn't a big deal. But, I told the leaders about my struggle to try to decide what to do about my medication ISSUE, and when one of the leaders, Sam prayed for me during group prayer. I really felt cared for. His simple prayer really blessed me, and that is just so cool to me. I look up to the leaders I have a chance to be around so much. Such an amazing blessing.

I have no idea what I should do about this Tysabri. I wish I at least felt more one way than the other. I feel like a decision needs to be made quickly. I am trusting that God is in control of everything, but I am still feeling pretty frustrated.

After Young Life, Josh dropped me off at Lauren's house. We went to Block Buster and I rented a video that confused both of us. The Science of Sleep. I pretended to know what was going on the whole time though. Even gave my opinion as to what was going on periodically. I stayed up entirely too late, and had an amazing time with Ms. Perigo. Even made a turning point tonight, it's all good stuff.

READ IT MAN!

Today at work I was read to for the most part. He wouldn’t just read, but read and explain. I would read and take notes. I would say at least a good 7 hours of being read to. I did get a little hands on action, and we checked out this really sweet truck with a massive sleeper cabin. I took a really cool picture of it, but then my phone/computer froze and I guess it just didn’t save. It looked like this though. This is what the cabin looks like in the semi truck. Like if the driver was in the driving seat, and took a camera and took a picture towards the back. This is what it would look like. Washer/Dryer, range, oven, microwave, refrigerator & freezer, bathroom with shower, table and a pretty big bed. Super nice!

When I got home I got a packet in the mail from the Indiana Center for M/S with information about Tysabri. They needed my signature for many things giving my consent to start asking permission from my insurance if I can start this drug. I am so hesitant though. Something inside me tells me that something isn't right about this drug. The Warning isn't very comforting either. I scanned it directly out of the packet they sent me.

If it is too small for you to read, this is what it says.

TYSABRI increases your chance of getting a rare brain infection that usually causes death or severe disability. This infection is called progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy (PML). No one can predict who will get PML. Your chances may be higher if you are also being treated with medicines that weaken your immune system. If you use TYSABRI alone to treat your MS, it is not known if your chance of getting PML will be lower. Nor is it known if the length of time on treatment with TYSABRI increases your chance of getting PML. There is no known treatment, prevention, or cure for PML. If you take TYSABRI, it is important to call your doctor right away if you have any new or worsening medical problems. Tell all of your doctors that you are getting treatment with TYSABRI.

It goes on to say that Tysabri is given to people who have not been helped by "traditional treatments." I don't know what to do. I trust God 100%, but I still need to make a decision. I pray that I make the right one.

it was great, it really was

I wish I could have seen this sky when God showed it to the earth. Is it not totally beautiful?? Holy Diver it is so breath taking!

First day at work and I had some immediate reactions. I was really contorted emotionally. I was filled with…….thankfulness. I am so thankful God provided this job for me, and even though it isn’t a lucrative [;-)] position in any way, I am so thankful for it. Hopefully my health will see the effects of not being pushed so hard and will benefit from that. Also, I think I will really be able to do a really good job. Another thing I felt challenged to do after I left for the day. I feel challenged to brighten peoples days in whatever way I can. I thought it was going to be really difficult for me to get a non-labor intensive job. God provided though, and I feel so blessed. I think tomorrow I am going to take in some cookies that my mom made a couple of nights ago and secretly leave them on Cathy’s (lady who hired me) desk. Maybe I will have to just do unnoticed random acts of kindness. Random acts of kindness; I didn't do that often enough at Vision Scapes, and I regret it. So, it’s settled; positive attitude, and smiles for everyone. When I am down, and things don’t seem good, I am going to sincerely smile and find a good reason to be thankful. In all honesty, today was really boring, I was read to out of a manual for most of the time, but still I am SO THANKFUL! I am going to do a really good job there too. I am going to work my butt off and try my hardest to be a great worker. When I start taking phone calls, I am going to be like the king of cheer.

When I got home from work I had like 3 hours on the phone with Lauren. It was amazing, and made me appreciate her that much more. While I am talking about being thankful, I mine as well mention how thankful I am for having Lauren in my life right now. A sincere thankfulness too, no hidden agenda, no phony emotions, just genuine appreciation.

BAPTISM! and WORK TOMORROW!

Every Sunday night I go to college aged based ministry at Brookside Church called Collateral. Tonight, the lesson was about Baptism. I have heard it so many times before and always chose to ignore it. I can’t quite explain why I thought I was above getting baptized. But I have always chosen to not get baptized, maybe I wanted to create the “perfect situation and for all the right people to be there.” Biblically, it is something Jesus asked us to do to confess our spirituality to our peers, and to create an inner commitment with Christ; to take the next step with Christ. I have had it put on my heart for quite some time to be baptized. Two weeks ago at Pathway they had a baptismal service and it really was pounded on. I had no idea that there was going to be an opportunity to be baptized tonight at Collateral. It was a God thing. I saw my friend Kaley make a last minute decision to get dunked, and when she went up, she spoke words that created my driving decision. She said that she knew that her parents and friends would want to be there, but that was not what was important. I didn’t get baptized tonight because I was put into an emotional/spiritual blur. I wasn’t confused in the least bit. I KNEW that it was time for me to confess to my God, and peers that I was ready to take the next step in my personal relationship with Abba. When I came out of the water, I was filled with the Holy Spirit. I couldn’t stop smiling, and just felt overwhelmed with Joy. It is an amazing feeling, and I am ready to confess to anyone who will hear me that I am making the commitment to be a fully devoted Christ follower!
I'm so bord of being in this house. I am totally stoked to start working again. Motivation is essential, and currently my motivation is directed mostly towards getting a vehicle. I can get my license back on the 25th, and then it is just a matter of time until I have enough ca$h to buy a car. I went to church today at Pathway and it just wasn't working for me. Maybe it had something to do with the kids sitting to the left of me that were poking, tapping and messing with each other through the service. Maybe it had something to do with me just being a little distracted this morning. Lauren took me and I am pretty sure this will be my last time going to a Sunday morning service probably for a while because of work. After church, Lauren had to take Kenzie to her tennis lessons, and had an hour to blow so we went back to my home and I got to introduce her to my sister and mom. Their first impressions were nothing but approval. Smiles for everyone.

so bad, turned to real good

I was pretty lazy until about 2:00 when I decided to work out. Funny story, "sigh." Well, after I was working out for a bit, I wanted to try to test my max bench press; figure out the most I could bench press. SO, I dressed up like Ronald McDonald and got to it. If the bar weighs 12 lbs, then I was attempting to bench press 232lbs. I have gotten 227 before by myself, but just barely. So, since my dad was home I decided to have him spot me. I couldn’t get the 232 lbs up, so I got frustrated and continued with the work out. I took the weight off and tried to get 227 by myself. HA! Stupid move on my part, I was already pretty worn out, and I started to go up….and then it came back down. Now I have 227 lbs on my chest, and can’t do anything with it. I don’t freak out, I just start to roll the weight down my stomach to about my hips, I don’t know what I was planning on doing with the weight at this point, but it was really starting to hurt. I so didn’t want to yell for my dad, but I did and he pulled it off of me. I am pretty clever sometimes and glad I didn't break anything!

Once I got cleaned up, it was time to go to the viewing. This was for Mr. Simmerman, not Zimmerman like I said in a previous post. I was mistaken and stupid for that spelling. It was so hard to go to this. It made my stomach hurt, just thinking about what that family is going through. And when I talked to Logan, he just seemed empty inside. It felt as though he was just suppressing everything that he was feeling. I gave him my number and I am going to call him once I get situated into work. Suicide is such a devastating act for everyone affected. This was the SO BAD part of the day.

Directly after the viewing, I headed to Saturday night Dave church. Tonight was talking about how “God has a plan.” I just want to share a couple of points from what Dave shared with us.
* God always has your best interest at heart.
-right away I questioned this. I thought about Mrs. Simmerman. I was thinking, “How could any good come of this, how could so much pain and horrible feelings be associated in any way with something positive, I DON’T UNDERSTAND!” But then I let it soak in a little bit. You must trust that God has things under control, even when I do not.
* Are you willing to trust him to know what is best for your life?
* God will use bad, for good. (Yea, this is what Dave told us, pretty fitting)
* God wants; humility, transparency and vulnerability.
* In EVERY circumstance, God has something planned. Even the stupid and insignificant ones.

God is so great. I feel like I am a lot more ready to deal with life's challenges. You gotta just keep trusting. So, the REAL GOOD started with Saturday night church, the good was compounded by the fact that Lauren and her sis Meg came too. After church, we went out to eat at Outback Steakhouse. (Scott, this is our version of Australian cooking!) Then, after we went to see a movie, The Martian Child. I loved it, Lauren...not so much.Kenzie is all the way to the left, Lauren of course, Meg, and their cousin Brittney. Lauren is house sitting/chauffeuring for Kenzie since she is only 15, while her parents are out of town. The strangest thing is happening with Lauren, but I am still protecting my heart, or at least doing the best I can!

To Pee or not to Pee, that is the struggle.

I went to school with my dad today(Teacher @ Lane Middle School) so that my appointment/check in which is part of my probationary terms could be met. I have to take a urine drug screen to make sure I am "staying clean" which is very confusing in the first place. I got in trouble because of Alcohol(OWI on Sept. 23rd), now they make me pay $30 every 3 months to take a pee test. I swear, they will nit pick at you financially for as long as they (government) possibly can. It is frustrating, but I am big enough to grin and bare it. When I was taking the drug test though, I was made aware of some bladder dysfunction that is happening to me. It's like this. There could be liquid in my bladder, and when I want to pee; I can't. I could be lying in bed, trying to go to sleep, and I will have to get up and go take care of it...only to find out that I can't go. It is so frustrating. So the guy at the collection center did a really good job of reminding me of my problem. It sucked, but I am much bigger than that situation as well.

At Lane, I stayed in my dad's office for the most part. I had to finish up some reading/studying for the Young Life Leader training session # 2 that will take place at Taylor Fort Wayne @ 1:00. My dad is a P.E. teacher and his office is in the boys locker room. When I was in there, one of the kids, I think he was a 6th or 7th grader came into use the restroom. He started singing out loud while he was in there. Unaware of my presence he sang on and I listened. He was singing, "I Stand Alone" by Steve Perry. It was so strange to listen to a young kid sing this song. I don't know anything about this kid. But his voice sounded very unsure, and when other kids took a sneak peak in the locker room and asked what he was doing, he would say, "I'm just taking a break!" the kids would ask "Why?" he would say, "because I want to!" He was very short, and it made me want to open the door and just talk with him. Instead I just listened. I felt really bad for this kid. Click on that link and read the lyrics. Pretty intense for such a young kid. He must think pretty deep, or have a lot of compounding issues in his life.

It's official! I got a letter in the mail from the BMV saying that on November 25, I can get my license back. I just have to pay $150.00, provide an SR-50 & SR-22 and I will be good to go! That is so good to hear, so good! MISSION NOW=GET CAR!

I am so excited to start my job on Monday.



~~RANDOM THOUGHT~~
Why are people so afraid to learn about themselves? If people weren't so nervous to dive into their own thought process and emotions, and actually changed themselves, even in little ways. It would change the world. Why do people stay the same when they know it would be better for them to do differently? Even in small things; a fellow Christian points out something that you know is something you need to work on....but you don't. I don't like that about people, it is especially frustrating when you talk with someone about something and they agree to your face, but then make no effort to change. It is so awesome when you find someone who is willing to change their life when they know they should.

dream world, and reality.

I can only hope that I am wrong, but I can’t ignore the feelings that I have. And the things that I have been noticing. I don’t want to over exaggerate by any means, but I have been having very vivid dreams. Take this morning for instance, I woke up and had to question if it really happened to me. The last time I remember having dreams like this, I ended up in the Emergency with vertigo so bad I couldn’t walk straight for weeks. My body just hasn’t been responding like it usually does either. Short term memory is really shady, and I forget words left and right. It doesn’t scare me, it just keeps me on the edge of my seat thinking, “what will happen next?”

I remember bit’s and pieces of my dream. I remember there being snow, and an old friend. I can’t remember any specific’s, but I do remember snow and an old friend. I went on Google’s IMAGE search, and this one seemed the most familiar to me to whatever reason. I feel like this picture was stolen out of my dream.

My mom informed me that Logan Zimmerman's(high school friend) father killed himself yesterday. He hung himself at his house. I don't want to go into specific's, I am just asking people to say a prayer for Logan and his mother.

Got to talk to Lauren today again. Our phone conversations go on and on, and never get boring. She makes me laugh, and think, and appreciate things that maybe I wouldn't take the time to appreciate if I wasn't in communication with her.

She made me think about writing. I think, if I "HAD" to write every day. Like if I was forced to do so, I would hate it. The thought of that makes my lip curl up and just be in disgust. It's a good thing that I don't write under those circumstances though. It is a GREAT thing that I can write freely and enjoy every minute of it. Even when I am slowly fading to black like I am right now. (Lunesta is kicking in) I sure hope this BLOG doesn't have many spelling errors. I'm to ~HaLfE pAsSeD out to go back and check.

God is so good, even in the bad he is just unrelentingly full of Grace and that is, once again,

such a comforting feeling. Thank you God, for giving me this day. Thank you for blessing me with the people who are in it, and trusting me to make the right decisions that I need to make.

What is it about pOEms?

There is something about poems that make describing emotions, people, fears and life so much easier. Easier than just talking normally. I like poems that rhyme, they seem a lot more intellectual than ones that don’t. I’m sure “real” writers could find a great amount of reasons why that isn’t true, but to me, I prefer rhyming poems than not. I wrote a poem for Lauren tonight. It proved to be quite difficult because I had to pick and choose what I wanted to enlighten her about. I wanted to describe some beginning emotions without going overboard. I think it turned out pretty good, but I can’t share it on here. I sent it to her privately.

Young Life was good tonight. It was not a big deal at all, but I felt a little left out. After the leaders and staff have dinner, Tom & Josh(YL Staff) go over the evening’s activities. They would go over everyone’s role, and I kept feeling left out. For instance, they did little skits that the leaders acted out. At one point, Tom was sitting right across from me and he was like, “ohhh we just need one more person for this part”…….. looked right at me, and then chose one of the other guys. I don’t know if I just need to speak up more, and say out right, INCLUDE ME. Or if I just need to let more time go by and allow the staff to see how much I want to be included by my actions and interactions with the kids. I suppose time really will tell.

When I got home from Young Life, I had a great phone conversation. I feel comfortable saying that Lauren and I definitely are interested in each other. But one thing that is important to me, is to wait. There is no hurry, and in past relationships, when I tended to rush into things, they failed miserably. This is what I need to do. Trust that God is in control of all things, RELATIONSHIPS INCLUDED, and just be a man of God. I have a feeling, that if I practice this, well things will just fall into place.

Golley Gee I am ready to get my butt back to work. I can’t wait for Monday to stroll around. I am so ready for some kind of challenge. I have nothing right now. Going to feel nice to be back in the “GRIND” of work again.

THE WIRES ARE EVERYWHERE!

I got my EEG done today. I tried so hard to stay awake all night, but couldn't do it. I blame it on VERIZON! My internet went out at 10:50P.M. and I was stuck for the rest of the evening laying on the couch watching T.V.! It was failure from the get go. I made it to about 3:00A.M. and then retired to the bed. I woke up at 7 to make up for the sleep I got. :-) There were so many wires. I learned that an EKG is used to test your heart, and an EEG is used to test your brain. Gotta love learning new stuff. This picture makes my skin tone look a little orange. I swear it's not though.

I have cool socks. They use to be really cool when they were brand new, now they are just pretty cool. Some of the colors are fading now, and I will probably get new ones sometime in the near future.

In the evening I went out to eat with my dad, and it was nice. Conversation wasn't jumping, but it was alright. Later I got a chance to make Lauren laugh when she took a break from writing her paper. I was happy to do it, even though I looked like a tard again. HA, it's what I do.

It will be interesting to see what happens with the EEG. When I had to do deep breathing for 3 minutes, I almost passed out. I saw stars for a bit, so hopefully it will tell the neurologist something important. Seeing stars in my peripheral vision has been happening for maybe 4 weeks or so.